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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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myhusband had friendship with a women from work,he kept it

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myhusband had friendship with a women from work,he kept it from me Iheard a voice mail from her thanking my husband for dinner the great conversation and awesome evening,ending with her laughing & disagreeing about r marriage.He also phoned her again when he came hom i confronted him,and he finally owned up tosharing very personal info re him and I.I was hysterical at the time, he assured me she was just an ear next day i phoned her, and asked her what the hell she was doing(she told me she had been warned that i was going to call).I also caught him txting her to come out for a drink on a mens night out a few months prior.he said it was nothing.i said to him that this was emotional cheating which is far worse than a physical affair.He disagrees This has caused terrible fighting between us i cant trust him.Why would he warn her,why would he confide in a women who has never had a longterm or short relationship with anyone. He cant understand the constant worry and stress this has had on
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

Sharmathy,

 

-How long have you been married?

 

-Do you and your husband get along other than this issue?

 

-If not, what other things are bothering you?

 

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
we have been married for 22 years, we mostly get along and enjoy each others company, we have a great sex life. I'm very fit and pretty i feel he has betrayed me and he thinks he did nothing wrong but talk to someone. I am a very private person and we have always talked to each other. I'm angry that he kept this from me so i think he had something to hide. When him and i go away together we are so happy and rarely fight. He has a very stressful job and his partner of 20 years cheated on his wife about 5 years ago. I have also caught him lying to me dating back to the beginning of our relationship. He has always treated me special and put me first so i am having a hard time with this. She still works at his office
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You're right an emotional affair can be just as hurtful as a physical affair because their heart and mind are with the other person but I don't feel your husband has gotten to that point yet. If your hsuband wants to work on the marriage then he has to discontinue all contact with this woman except for at work when he has to talk to her. If has betrayed your trust and not the trust isn't as strong as it use to be. I think he may be going through a midlife crisis and this woman makes him feel young or he wants to feel young and desireable again. An emotional affair can alter the state of your relationship more than if he were to have a one night stand. Emotional affairs have a huge impact on marriages. The important thing for you to realize is that there is a difference between an emotionally charged friendship and a platonic friendship. Men and women can be friends in a platonic way, but in some cases the feelings shift and that's when your husband's emotional affair began.

 

One approach to this is to tell your husband that you aren't comfortable with his continuing such a close friendship with another woman. If he's determined to move the relationship with the other woman into a more serious one, he'll likely refuse to break contact or pull back. He may also assure you that he will, but your husband's emotional affair may continue behind your back. If this is the case and you still suspect the relationship is continuing, it may be time to give him an ultimatum. Your husband's emotional affair will have an impact on your marriage, but it doesn't have to destroy it. If you both are committed to making the marriage stronger after an emotional affair, it can be done with a lot of hard work, forgiveness and understanding and a marriage counselor if needed..

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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