How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am still in love with my ex-husband. We were together for

Customer Question

I am still in love with my ex-husband. We were together for 13 years and married for six, and when we first separated I told him that I would always love him. I hurt him, though, because I cheated on him during a time when he needed me the most, although I feel he had never really been there for me. It has been a year and a month since our separation, and five months since our divorce. We have two small daughters who are incredibly smart and tell me daddy still loves me. I am still with the man I cheated on my husband with, but I get subtle signs that my ex still loves me. I love both men dearly, but I am very confused. What should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

Cgarobaldi,

 

It's understandable to still have feeling for your husband you have a history with him and two beautiful children with him, what you are going to have to do is find out who it is you want to be with and then find closure with those unresolved feelings you have for the other and then be with the man you want to be with and feel will treat you better. It's not always strange to find yourself reminiscing about an ex especially if you for the most part had a nice relationship and caring but if you felt neglected by your husband and that is why you cheated then there was something missing in your marriage that you may have had to find some where else but in your husband's eyes that doesn't excuse what you did, he feel as though you broke up a happy marriage to be with the person you had the affair with so if you choose to try and get your ex husband back then you are going to have to find closure in the relationship you're in now and then prove to your ex husband that what happened before won't happen again, if you choose to stay with the current boyfriend then the same goes for your feelings for the ex husband.

 

A marriage has a significant impact on our lives, a marriage brings two people together but there are times a breakup happens, leading to both going separate ways. Patience, understanding and trust are key factors in a long lasting marriage and sometimes it just doesn't work out that way whether if one cheats on the other or one or both are not happy they often go outside the marriage looking for that happiness but often find out later that they aren't finding what they want in the other person either. You should not have thought about trying to find someone new or going with the person you cheated with right after a breakup. Hasty decisions made at that point will not work out for you. Your mind is still filled with hurt and anger during this period. You should give yourself some time and space to make up your mind what it is that you want - live by yourself for a few weeks. Take some time to straighten out your thoughts and find out who it is that you truly want to be with.

 

To be honest if you choose your ex he will not take you back if you are living with the other man, you will have to make a clean break from him so that your ex will see that you are no longer with the other man. Maybe a counselor will help you figure out what it is you want and who you want to spend your life with, it will basically come down to who you want more and who will be better for you and make you happy. If you were unhappy in your marriage then you will have to figure out what about your marriage made you unhappy and if things could be different the second time around.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency