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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Ive been spending time with a man over the last year that

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I've been spending time with a man over the last year that told me from the beginning that he wasn't looking for a relationship. We enjoy each other's company a great deal and he began to define our "friendship" as a relationship a couple of months ago and as time passed he began spending more and more time with me. I've kept things light and fun without any pressure and he said one of the top things he has enjoyed about us is that we just seem to enjoy each other without any work. I told him last week that I was crazy about him. He has suddenly become very distant. Isn't contacting me at all since that night. Have I lost the opportunity for our relationship to progress or have I scared him off completely?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You may have scared him off but not completely it just scared him hearing you say hat because that was almost like saying you wanted to have a committed relationship with him and you thought since he was showing so much interest and said he liked spending time with you it meant that you were thinking about actually having a commitment from him. I think you caught him off guard and that is what scared him the most. What you should do is contact him and tell him you are sorry for over stepping your bounds with him and that you would like to continue being friends and explain to him that you meant that you have so much fun with him and feel like you can be yourself around him without having to put up a front of any kind.

 

I think if you would have let things go at his pace he would have been able to give himself to you but it's not too late if you are willing to just let things take it's course and not push anything. Alot of people make that same mistake they think because they get along so well with that person that they feel the need to rush it to that next level but that just isn't the case alot of men get scared if they feel they are being pressure into any kind of relationship before they are ready for one. You have not lost the opportunity but you may have to do some damage control for sure, tell him that you weren't saying that you wanted a relationship but you meant that spending time with him was fun and exciting and you got caught up in the moment and that you didn't mean to scare him and would like to be friend again and hang out. What you have to figure out for yourself is how long you are willing to wait before you realize that it's too long to wait for him to be ready you don't want to find yourself waiting years for him to commit only to never get that commitment.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I asked him about 2 weeks ago if he needed some space from me, and he responded that he just likes to pace things. I responded that I understood and left it at that... but continued to get a feeling that he was backing off a bit. The morning after I told him that I was crazy about him - I felt extremely uncomfortable. I sent him a text to see if he wanted to go to the club that evening as he breifly mentioned the night before (which surprised me because he had mentioned earlier in the week that he was hoping to get together with some buddies), but that if he needed space to simply let me know or if he would rather not spend anymore time together let me know that as well. He did respond saying "lets not do the club tonight, I am still planning on going to see my buddies". I just told him to have a great time with his friends and that I only asked about the club because he had mentioned it" Nothing was said by him about needing space or not wanting to stop seeing me". I am just very uncomfortable because he generally contacts me at least every couple of days and at times every day. Would it just be best to give him some space to let him remember how great things seem to be with us? I just don't won't to spoil something that we both seemed to enjoy...
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I would give it a week without any contact unless he contacts you first and then I would call out of the blue just to see how things are and then judge by whether he is happy to hear from you or not whether you should continue to give him time but if he continue to act weird after a month or so then it may be time to start backing away from him and the situation because he may be ready to move on but doesn't quite know how to tell you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Just see how things go after a week of giving him total and complete space for himself.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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