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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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My boyfriend of 5 years just broke up with me, and is moving

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My boyfriend of 5 years just broke up with me, and is moving out. We've lived together for 3 years. He said he needs time and space to think about what he really wants. We've been dating from when we were 23-28, and our relationship has not always been healthy and we've both struggled with infidelity and trust issues. Is he really just trying to let me down easy with the time and space line? I know I've said that before and it was total crap.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.


It sounds like with all the hurting you both did to each other that he has gotten fed up with the never ending cycle of infidelity and mistrust and that he truly needs to see and understand what he wants and needs from your relationship and also a relationship period. I would at least give him a month or so to think about things and then ask him what he wants to do about the relationship so that you will know whether to wait or move on but in the meantime while you are waiting you should already be setting yourself up for possibly having to move on without him depend on what he decides and tells you about the relationship.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I'm just very confused because he keeps telling me that he loves me, and wants to be with me, but not the way we were. He doesn't want to see or talk to me during this time. He also won't give me any time frame for how long this could go on for and has been very clear this is a break up, not a break. He won't even commit to talking in a month. My friends are all telling me he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings more, and thusly said the time and space comment as a way of letting me down easy by giving me some hope. Should I assume that's the case or do I hang on for a while in the hopes he wants to work it out? And if I do call him in a month or however long I'm not sure how to approach it, I don't want to just throw relationship stuff at him right away.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.


If he stated that he wants to break up then that is what he wants for now and I think he told you he still loves you because he honestly does and wants you to wait for him how every long it will take and it's up to you to know how long you are willing to wait or even if you're willing to wait. Since he said he doesn't want any contact while he is thinking that makes me believe that he is truly ready to break up and date other people and didn't want to walk away thinking he devastated you in any way. What you have to do is take this time to find closure in the relationship while he is thinking and tell him you will wait a month and then call him to see what is going on with the relationship and if things haven't changed I would serious thinking about starting the closure process. In this case I think your friends are right he wanted to let you down easier or ease his conscience so that the break up wouldn't be so hurtful.

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