HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:
-How long has it been this way?
-Do you give in to him and give him sex when he thinks you are obligated?
-Could you explain your situation a little more?Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.
Since you are married you shouldn't have to feel obligated to give to receive and that is what your husband is doing. He makes you regret having to ask for money that you are entitled to anyway. I think you both need marriage counseling to help you to better communicate to each other how the other is feeling and what you want and need from the marriage because it's obvious that he doesn't respect your feelings or you as his better half. A counselor may be able to show your husband that the way he is treating you is not a normal behavior of a husband who is supposed to love and respect his wife. The only thing is getting him to go to a counselor usually men that are successful don't really believe in things like counseling and admitting they have a problem but if he isn't willing to correct what is wrong within the marriage then your marriage may not last another year. You may have to give him an ultimatum about going or you have to think about how much you are willing to take before you cannot take anymore.
Although you think that sometimes giving him intimacy for money may seem fun there are times where he doesn't make it fun and it seems more like a chore than anything else. When you give in to him your are telling him it's okay to treat me like this and I will do whatever it takes to get money. You would be better off if you just divorced him and took a certain amount of money and lived your life the way you wanted to but if you want to save your marriage it's going to take some extensive counseling to work this out and it's also going to take time and patience on both sides. He is actually demeaning you and make you lower than him and you should be his equal. I would suggest honestly sitting down with him and talking to him about your feelings and the way he makes you feel and if he isn't willing to even consider counseling or trying to work on treating you better then it's time for you to think about walking away.
I think that he really needs individual counseling to find out where this stems from this may be the only thing that can save you marriage or make it more tolerable. He seems to have no respect for women and their duties as a wife, mother and also working. His lack of respect for you and women in general is going to start affecting your daughters and their self worth if he says women are no good long enough your daughter may start to believe it. This is not healthy for the household for him to belittle women in front of your daughter is also a form of verbal abuse and verbal intimidation. If your husband does not correct this now his daughter may grow to dislike him and his actions. As a family unit it should be united and it isn't because he isn't seeing that his ways are not the way a husband should act towards a wife and a father should act toward his daughters.
As long as you allow him to act this way he will think it's okay for him to do so and it's not, what you have to do is decide if the marriage is worth saving and what you need to do to save it. Identifying the problem is only half the battle. Most marriage counselors will tell you, marriages do not really fall to pieces just because of a little trivia thing such as money. There could be deeper problems stemming from childhood and possibly how his father ultimately treated his mother or he saw some other important figure in his life disrespect and treat women as objects and not equals, he has forgotten the reasons why your marriage was established in the first place. You both need to take concrete actions which will tell the other partner that you really want to maintain your marriage and work through the issues in the marriage. Do not be limited by small talk and promises, actions speak louder than words and show exactly what you mean by your words.
One major problem is that you are not truly listening to each other, you might or might not want to hear a word that comes out of his mouth, but if you're serious about repairing your marriage it is the only way. Clearly something was wrong during the marriage and it's important for you to find out what that is. Explain to him how you feel without wavering! You must tell him the pain that his actions are causing. You have to make sure that he fully understands the turmoil and devastation that he is causing for not just you but your children also. It's not going to happen over night, but if you want your marriage to continue, then you are going to have to forgive your husband and have patience that this is not going to correct itself overnight and move on together. It's also important for the two of you to spend more time together ALONE. You have to reconnect and find the things that made the two of you fall in love before.
It doesn't seem like just the money issues that are destroying your family but it's a huge part of it. Money has always been a serious issue in marriage and is often listed as the number one cause of divorce. It could be in part because of the volatile economic times causing him to act in destructive ways that aren't typical of them, he is avoiding what the truth of the situation could be because in part he doesn't want to lose his fortune and possibly he has seen others lose their fortune and not know where their next meal is coming from, this reaction is completely the normal nowadays people are afraid to go from living comfortably to not having a living at all. However, it's important to stress to you that especially in volatile times, you need a loving marriage as a buffer from these tough times more than ever before. Allowing your marriage to be damaged will only make things worse. If you want to find a way to keep issues and secrets stemming from money from negatively affecting and destroying your marriage then you have to working together as a united front.
Although it may not feel like it right now, this money situation can and likely will work itself out with honest, open communication and through supporting one another. You need to address any dishonesty and secrets about money now so that the healing of your marriage can begin. You both need to allow money issues to bring you closer together in your marriage rather than tearing you apart. In any crises situation that occurs in a marriage, one of two things will typically happen. The spouses will either huddle together, commit to being a team or they will allow it to destroy the marriage causing distrust, distance and negative feelings. Many people allow this process to just happen rather than making a conscious choice to work together and figure it out together they allow it to divide them. Your husband has to make a conscious to want to work with you instead of against you and not degrade you or women in general especially in front of your daughters.
It may take you leaving for him to see the error of his ways and if it doesn't then you may be better off without the abuse and harassment, I cannot give you legal advice because I'm a relationship expert but a legal expert can tell you what you are entitled to financially from him if you were to leave and I think you should handle the legal aspect before leaving but I would seriously consider taking your daughters and leaving, they could even tell you if you can make him pay for a place to stay while you are gone, they can make it manditory for him to pay so he cannot find excuses of why not to pay. I think you should really sit down and plan out a way out of this marriage he is not going to respect you and isn't willing to change. Please let me know if you want to talk to a legal expert and see what your options are.