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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20863
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My girlfriend and I were together for nearly 6 years. I met

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My girlfriend and I were together for nearly 6 years. I met her in 2002 when she was 17 and I was 24. She was a virgin, and she lost her virginity to me. During the course of our 6-year relationship, I felt like we had a special bond because I was the only man she had ever had sex with. I loved knowing that I had something that no other guy had ever gotten. We broke up recently in November 2008 and we did not talk for nearly 6 months. She called me up out of the clear blue about a week ago, and wants to get back together, saying she loves me and regrets breaking up...I have been missing her for the last 6 months and partly feel like we belong together. In my opinion, our break-up was premature. But, now she has told me that she slept with 2 guys in the 6-month period when we were broken up. I feel like I can't get over this. That pride I had of being her only partner is gone. I can't stop thinking about two other guys using her for their pleasure. I miss her, but don't know what to do.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi, and thanks for your question.

Can you tell me what caused your break up in November?

Did you date anyone else, within those six months that you were broken up?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

We had been having issues for a while. She seemed to take our relationship for granted. There's a 7 year age difference, and it seemed like she was more interested in going out with friends, bar-hopping, and not being tied down to a relationship. I told her not to throw away what we had worked 6 years for and I suggested relationship counseling. But she decided she wanted to go off and have fun and be single. I think she enjoyed the attention of going to bars and getting hit on by guys and getting flirted with. One reason I was fighting so hard to keep her around was because I was the only guy she had ever been with sexually. My dream was to marry her and have kids with her, and spend my whole life with her being her only partner. Now she says she realizes that being single sucks, she feels used and she feels dirty for allowing other guys to get in her pants so easily within the 6 months, and she wants the stability of a relationship again. I had sex with one girl in the 6 month period, other than that I tried dating a few girls but none really made it past the first couple of dates. Nothing serious. The one girl I had sex with was just a one-night stand kind of thing because I wanted to get laid basically. The difference between my (ex)girlfriend and I though is that she is a pretty girl and I'm a guy. I feel like there is a double standard to a certain extent. She has the opposite sex throwing themselves at her wanting to sleep with her everyday and it's her job to have some restraint and self-control. Whereas I have to actively go out and find sex, and usually spend lots of time and money in order to get it. I also was unhappy about the girl I had sex with. It didn't feel right. I missed my ex-girlfriend and was trying to fill a void she had left.

Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with additional and helpful information.

I understand where you're coming from, having wanted to tell your grandchildren you were her 'one and only'; it's a romantic theory, but, unfortunately, doesn't always work out that way.

Since you were both disappointed in the dating world when you were apart, I think it's a good thing that she has made the first move to tell you that she wants to get back together, because it does sound like you love each other and it would be a shame to throw away the 6 years you enjoyed together. However, I also think it's important to understand what she did and why she did it. I do think, as you so perceptively noticed, that due to your age difference, meeting you at such a young age, she may have felt she didn't really 'date' enough or get enough experience with men, in general, to make a commitment to you without first having other experiences. I think this doesn't reflect badly on you; she needed to do this, to prove to herself that she's not missing anything out there, and realized she really does love you and you belong together.

If you feel you do still love her and would one day like to make her your wife, then you both deserve this second chance. I do understand how upset you are that she slept with other men, but I think she needed to get this out of her system, and she does want to return to you, so that's a good thing. You should discuss your feelings with her about what took place while you were apart, and how it mattered so much to you, that you be her first and only. It's impossible to turn back time, so there's nothing she can do about it, and she did say she didn't like what she experienced, so, for the moment, try to work on all the differences you had while you were together, DO push for that couples counseling, and hopefully, things will work out the way you want them to. If you each respect each other's feelings and are always open with your communication, this is the key to a successful relationship.

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