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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18987
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Ive been dating this lovely girl for around 6 dates now.

Resolved Question:

I've been dating this lovely girl for around 6 dates now.

By our 3rd date we were getting on really well (holding hands, kissing, laughing ect) & I was already thinking she was girlfriend material..

At the end of our third date she said "I enjoy your company, but I want to be free to date other guys also" I was slighly taken a back, but gained some composure & said "Thats fair enough, I appreciate your honesty" 5 minutes later we left the bar and she kissed me passionately for around 10 mins as I walked her to her bus stop!

Over the next few dates we became even more intimate with each other..we've slept together 3 times now & spent much of the next day chilling, enjoying each others company.

Meanwhile she has put herself on this dating site & told me of a date she went on. Today she actually went online while i was round hers & clicked through a few of the men interested in her. Looking for my reaction!

What is she thinking? Is she just waiting for someone better to come along??
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello, and thanks for your question.

From your description, I think one of two things is happening: she's either trying to make you see how desirable she is to other men, too, and yes, attempting to make you jealous; or, she enjoys herself with you, but is really not ready to be 'tied down' or in a committed relationship and wants to continue dating you AND dating others.

The fact that she's seeking out other men on a dating site and would go online while you were there, is just plain inappropriate.

I think it's time for you to ask her what she really wants. If she wants to date many people at the same time, you need to decide for yourself if this is acceptable to you, and let her know your feelings.
If you would like to date her exclusively, put this to her and see how SHE feels. Yes, she told you she would like to date others, after your third date, but now, time has passed, you're closer, you've been intimate, and you need to ask her if this is what she still wants. It's one thing to meet someone at work, or elsewhere, and feel you still want to play the field, date, and not make a commitment to one man; however, what she's doing is rude to you, and if you let her know you don't appreciate this, in a nice way, discuss how you both want to proceed with this relationship.

If you don't want to continue dating her/being intimate with her, knowing that she's also seeking out and dating other guys, you can let her know this, and either stay with her or stop seeing her.

If it doesn't bother you that she wants to date others (which is perfectly fine and her choice), you can agree to that, but nicely ask that she doesn't look at the dating site while she's with you and also tell her that you don't care to hear about the other dates she goes on.

I hope things work out the way you want them to.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Cher, thanks for your detailed reply..

 

Thing is i'm pretty sure she will say no to just dating me exclusively.

 

On one hand Im thinking hang in there. Let her do her thing and eventually she'll realise that I'm worth it.! On the other hand I feel like im just toeing the line till she finds someone better....

 

Obviously she does like and care about me somewhat, but should I call her bluff and just say its all or nothing.. so to speak?

 

Nik

 

PS She's not the type to sleep around.

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Nik, and you're most welcome!

Thanks for your reply.

If you do like her and like dating/being with her, I would say give it a try; continue seeing her but ask her nicely to please not share any information re: her other dates. Tell her when you're with her, you are only thinking of her and you would like it if she were only thinking of you.

I agree that maybe she needs to get this 'playing the field' out of her system, and she WILL come to realize you are the nicest guy out there, and she'd like to spend more and more time with you, slowly cutting out her dating of others.

No, I don't think you should call her bluff, because that would be giving her an ultimatum, and she would not react favorably to that. It would most likely cause her to break it off with you. If it doesn't bother you that she's dating other people, and I think it's a smart thing to do, if she's not ready to be in a committed relationship right now, continue to see her and enjoy the time you spend together.


Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thanks again Cher... Some great advice.

 

One last thing!

 

How do I stop myself falling for her while Im waiting for her to get this 'playing the field'/'seeing who's out there' thing out of her system...!?

 

Also would it be a good idea for me to go on other dates myself (letting here know if she asks).? - Would this make me more desirable? I mean would this make her think twice if she knows that Im 'seeing who's out there' too..?

 

Nik

 

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Nik.

You read my mind! : ) I was going to ask you if you were dating any other women and/or were thinking about doing this! I think, since she is dating others, if you want to, but not just to 'spite' her, it would be fine if you dated others.

As you mentioned, you can let her know, if she asks, but don't tell her if it doesn't come up; that would seem more like, 'you're doing it, so I can do it, also', which isn't really necessary. Only date others if you want to. If you think you're falling for her, take all the present circumstances into account, and hold back just a little, so you don't get hurt, if the future doesn't work out the way you want it to. However, continue to see her as often as you like, allowing her her 'space', and hopefully, you'll get closer and closer, see her more and more, and she might realize she feels the same way about YOU, which would be great!

I think if you let her know how you feel, through your words and actions, but still play it cool and laid back, that would be the best way to proceed. In other words, let her know you're interested and enjoy spending time with her, but don't hang your heart on your sleeve.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18987
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Cher, good stuff...!

 

'Cool and laid back' Thats me in a nutshell usually, but because of the circumstances I feel like I need to prove myself/impress every time we meet and this makes me a bit tense and unable to totally be myself..!

 

Nik

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

You're welcome, thanks for your understanding and thoughtfull answers..

 

I think I will make myself available to date and see other people. Though I will endevour to bring back my cool, laid back self with a bit of romance thrown in to boot.!

 

Your advice is much appreciated. I feel more confident about things already..!

 

Will let you know how it goes.. Whats your email? (only joking!)

 

Nik :)

 

 

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Nik,

I'm glad I could help, and I like the sound of your new 'plan'!

You sound like the type of man any woman would be lucky to date and get to know better! : )

Just click 'reply' on this 'request for information', to keep me updated (you KNEW Just Answer was my email! : )).

Cher

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