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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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90% of my things are still boxed up (my shower stuff is even

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90% of my things are still boxed up (my shower stuff is even in a tote) ever time i try to unpack even one box it causes a mild issue. i understand that durring the first year of living togerther this is a issue but we have been MARRIED for three years, live together for 4 almost 5 years, and 10 years of knowing each other. why? and how do i fix it without cause more conflict?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-Is there a reason why they are still boxed up?

 

-What does your mate say about this?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

the reason why is cause any time i try to unpack thing and put it "away" he drags his feeton where i can put it and if i just put it where ever he always has a problem with the choosen location. anytime i express how the sitution makes me feel my husband he acts like he understand tells me just to unpack it then the cycle starts over.

About 1 month into the marriage i found out through his 6 year old that he had a pre marrital affair when we were separated (trying to work out any problems before we got married the whole durration of the split was two months the affair was about a month)

this put alot of strain on the realationship because he was not being truthful two yers into the marraige i started to unpack i got about half way done that same day we had a issue in the reationship and the conversations lead back to the affair as they always do at that point in time is when he decided to come clean and tell me everything so everthing got repacked not because i found out anything more then i alread knew but becuse of the timeing it felt like he choose to tell the truth tht he had been denying for to yers just so i would but me stuff back in the garage so i gave him what he wanted now a year and a half later my things re still in the garage. he also wont let me rerrange any furniture.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

It sounds like he is sitting on the fence as to whether or not he wants you to be there if this is a cycle of unpacking and then packing again when you have a fight or disagreement there is something keeping him from truly committing to the marriage and this has to be handled before you can unpack your things and I think it stems from the affair, he really has to take responsibility for the affair and not place any of the blame on you but the decision to cheat was his and he should have own up to it a long time ago because now it affects your marriage and not in a good way this is why he is fighting, he either has guilt about the affair or started to care about that person emotionally. You need to understand why he made the decision to cheat. There were some issues that could have contributed to his cheating the fact that the two of you were having issues. These issues need to be fixed so that you are both secure that this will never happen again.

 

You might want to talk about Marriage counseling there is a reason your husband is sitting on the fence as to whether or not you should unpack your things and you need to find out what that reason is. What often happens is that the cheating brings a lot of issues that should have been addressed into the light. Communication is key and you have to tell him how you feel not only about the affair but about him not allowing you to unpack your things as his wife, tell him you feel like he doesn't want you there if that is how you feel. There are still underlying problems in your marriage that neither of you seems to be able to put your finger on and a marriage counseling can help you to figure that out, if you don't get some help or at least find out what the issues in your relationship are you may be headed for divorce. You may have gotten married without working on the issues you had and they just transferred into the marriage and this is why things have not changed. Even though you are married he is not committed to the marriage for some reason that is why he makes an argument every time you try to unpack your clothes.

 

In order to get your marriage back on track you have to find out several things, first why the affair happened what were the contributing factors, why won't your husband commit to the marriage and allow you to unpack your things, what are the issues still festering in your relationship, how to better communicate without fighting, can this marriage be saved to the point that you can finally unpack your things and them stay unpacked, is he or was he emotionally attached to the other woman.

 

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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