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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HI KIM. CONTINUING QUESTIONS WITH THE BOY FROM THE OCEAN

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HI KIM. CONTINUING QUESTIONS WITH THE BOY FROM THE OCEAN BEEN INCONTACT WITH YOU FOR WEEEKS. ALL HAS BEEN WONDERFUL FOR THE LAST FEW WEEKS. DAUGHTER EVEN SPENT TWO NIGHTS AT THE PARENTS BECAUSE HE TOLD HER SHE DID NOT NEED TO LEAVE BECAUSE IT WAS SO LATE AND STORMING. SHE HAD TO GO AWAY AND RETURNED ON FRIDAY AND WENT TO GRAB FOOD. HE APPEARED TO JOIN HER BECAUSE HE DID NOT WANT HER ALONE TO EAT. SAT SHE HAD TO COME HOME AND ON HER WAY BACK HE CALLED AND SAID HE WAS PACKED AND LEAVING THAT NIGHT FOR THE OCEAN BECAUSE HE HAD A BLOWUP WITH FAMILY. HE SAID HE WOULD MISS HER TERRIBLY AND HAD TO WATCH GETTING ANYMORE ATTACHED TO HER. HE THEN CONTINUED TO TEXT HER ALL NIGHT AND DID NOT LEAVE THAT NIGHT. SHE CONTINUED TO HEAR ALL THE NEXT DAY AND HE WANTED TO SEE HER FOR LUNCH BUT SHE DID NOT DO THAT    ALL THE WAY THERE HE WAS IN TOUCH AND NOW IS SAYING HE MAY COME BACK. MAYBE LIVE WITH HER"""""""    MY GUT INSTINCT---QUIT ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.     WHAT'S YOUR FEELING NOW?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Welcome back to JustAnswer. One question, Did you say he wants to live with her?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well he said I may come back and live with you instead of my parents in one of his passing comments over the last few days.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

It is way too soon for that and your daughter needs to be careful that she doesn't feel sorry for him and then gives in because he could use her, he knows that she has a stable job whereas he works temp jobs it seems and he will depend alot on her income and I don't think that they are at that stage yet nor will they be anytime soon. Your daughter is forgetting that not even a week or so ago he stormed out on her and she didn't hear from him, that could be a warning sign that he isn't mature enough to be in a serious relationship. Letting him move in would be the worse mistake of your daughter's life because she still doesn't know him all that well yet. She needs to slow things down and tell him that she isn't ready for anyone to live with her. I think she needs to take a long look at his actions since she has met him and then ask herself is he really worth all of this confusion and if the answer to that question is no then I would walk away and not look back.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have tried to look at all the options to help her. PersonnallY I think he has some real issues with committment or with himself. But then again I look at if he is staying down there and took his things, why is he continuing to act like they are together--even though he did not want a relationship, remember, but tells her he misses her and is getting too attached. And he never said he had a bad relationship with the stepdad until he was ready to leave. Do you think he has had this whole thing planed to leave all along and just used that as an excuse. As an adult, I still cannot believe someone would do this to another person intentionally.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I don't think he is doing it intentionally but I do feel he has some issues that he needs to work out before he can be any good to anyone. He is very wishy washy when it come to what he wants out of life and in the future. Your daughter has to take out the equation that someone handsome likes her and look at his character because she doesn't want to find herself taking care of a grown man while they live with her. It's Conveince for him to move in with her because he has no where to go and it seems like he wants her to feel badly for him and say for him to move in with her. What I would do is tell your daughter to think long and hard about this guy and his intentions. Just because he shows her attention does not mean that he is the right guy for her if he has issues both family issues and finding a job and staying in one placethen maybe now is not the time for him to want to date your daughter. She has to be careful not only to get her heart broken but for someone to take advantage of her kindness.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I totally agree with everything you have said. But do you think it is possible that this was his plan from the beginning--to go back--and he just used her all along// That is what I am trying to get her to see--that he was never the person she liked and it was all a fraud. Is that too cruel and what if I am wrong and he really does care?? She will hold that against me I am afraid?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I totally agree with everything you have said. But do you think it is possible that this was his plan from the beginning--to go back--and he just used her all along// That is what I am trying to get her to see--that he was never the person she liked and it was all a fraud. Is that too cruel and what if I am wrong and he really does care?? She will hold that against me I am afraid?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Yes she will definitely hold it against you if you are wrong and he really did care about her and wanted to be with her but she also has to be careful just in case he had his sights on her all along. But like every other parent you have to allow your child to live and learn from their mistakes and I think that may be what you have to do in this case because there is a point we have to allow our children to stand on their own and make their own happiness. I think if he were going to use her he would be doing so right now like, borrowing money and making her pay for dinners and when they go out and if he isn't doing that then he may have noble intentions but she just has to keep her eyes open and look for the warning signs if there are any. You can tell her to leave him alone but usually they will make their own decision anyway.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Oh I have learned that through the years. I guess we were just lookig for an unbiased opinion and this is your area--dealing with relationships.   So I guess until something else happens, this is the way it will be. So how long before this becomes clear for her?? How will she know that he is no longer interested and she needs to move on??? What if he continues with the calls and texts, but finds a job and starts a life there?   He even said something about her ocming down there.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

This is a fairly new relationship so my suggestion to her is to slow it down a bit because if his feelings are true then he will still like her when they are taking things slow I think he is doing some of these things and making some of these decisions because he is a bit desperate for a place to stay right now and that is why I said she needs to be careful. The true test would be if she tells him she wants to slow things down as to whether he stays or leaves. What she should do is go to where he is if only for a weekend and see how he acts in his own surroundings and if he acts and treats her differently than he does back where they are living now then that would be her que to stop things and move on, why waste her time on someone that doesn't even know what he wants and where he wants to be. I would give it another week or two to judge how things are. If he didn't care about her at all he would not have asked her to come to the Ocean but that is truly a decision she will have to make.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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