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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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im havin problems with my husband he is in other country waitin

Customer Question

im havin problems with my husband he is in other country waitin for spouse visa,last 4 months i been depressed so intimacy not there yet, should i stay with him or break up? this is last conversation we had/ John says:well im not coming back with you
Bushra says:why
John says:i want wife who will do what i ask when i ask no matter what it is
Bushra says:so cos i said n sex party?
John says:not that
Bushra says:so?
John says:will u make me video sex if i ask
Bushra says:yes
John says:u will play in it ?
Bushra says:yes
John says:and if i say tonight we will have party sex will u
Bushra says:no
John says:i may want that
Bushra says:i would do it if it wasnt sin
John says:ok
John says:if i tell u to kiss some guy will you?
Bushra says:no
John says:why
Bushra says:dont want to
John says:so u will not do all i say
Bushra says:do u think if u tell me go kiss a guy i will say ok???
John says:i expect u to say ok
John says:i expect my wife to do as i ask
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Why are you living apart right now?

 

-Do you want your marriage to work?

 

-Have you and your husband ever lived together?

 

-Where is he living and where are you living now?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hello again well im 25 years old, and he is 45 years old,he is from canada and iam from morocco,we got married in UK last November 2008 we lived together for a month there, he comes to visit me in Morocco every 3 months and stay for 3 weeks with me,I want my marriage to work, and the reason he being this way, it is because he knew how my relationship was with my ex i was 20 years old,i would send sex mails and videos ,i did same for my husband but after we got married i stopped doing this because i got depressed,and he said he wont take less than what my ex had, so he is forcing me now to do that or he would leave me, he say he wants all of me or nothing,he knows im depressed and the reason of my depression is because we are apart i did explain all to him but he being stubborn and the way he treating me its making me even more depressed.
any suggestion of what we can do???
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

There has to be a compromise maybe if you suggest to him to try to move to be with you or you with him then things will get better and you will be more open to doing the things you both like doing together, as long as you are apart these issues will always be in your lives. If he truly loves you he would not put conditions on you that if you don't do what he wants he will leave you. Sex isn't everything in a marriage though it's important part of intimacy and feeling it should not be the reason to end a marriage. It seems as though he want things his way and not taking into consideration that you want a husband that is near you not someone you see every three months. You both need to find common ground to save you marriage and be willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work. Maybe marriage counseling when he is home will help you both better communicate and find other ways to make the marriage work without demands that he puts on you and makes you more depressed, sometimes selfish yearnings get in the way of true feelings because he leaves you there and then has no one to hold or feel close to but he has to understand that threats won't get him what he wants. You want to feel needed and wanted by him and know that you are important in his life and when he says that if you will not do what he wants he will leave it makes you feel wanted or needed.

 

Talking to someone who can have a neutral opinion of the relationship and what needs to be done to make your marriage stronger can make you feel so much more ready to fight for your marriage and in the process could help with your depression and help you to be able to be there for your husband mind, body and soul. You could go on the weeks that he is there and talk things through and also you can travel to be with him for a change of pace or even plan a romantic getaway some where that you have never been. You both have to reconnect again and find out what made the two of you fall in love with each other all over again. Find what is truly important to you both and if you are going to have a healthy relationship one or the other has to move to where the other is so that you can have a normal and hands on relationship if possible. Long distance relationships are hard enough let alone trying to have a successful marriage living so far away and he may feel that you him sex videos will help him to stay close to you but he has to make you feel important enough for you to want to please him also it works both ways. There has to be a compromise on both parts not just one sided.

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