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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I was with my exboyfriend for 4 years and I broke up with him

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I was with my exboyfriend for 4 years and I broke up with him in July 2007. It was truly a mistake. It wasnt due to him cheating, it was only because of an argument. I may sound naiive when I say this, but I know he never cheated on me. Basically, I love him with all of my heart and I have been in terrible pain since then. He started going out with some girl in Sept of that same year and has been cheating on her constantly with me. This has been going on since the day he met her. Hes told her he's been cheating on her, Ive told her plenty of times and she keeps going back to him. Ive told him to leave me alone if he doesnt want to be with me, my parents have told him the same. My father threatened a restraining order if he doesnt stop calling me.. Ive blocked his number from calling me, Ive changed my number but he always finds a way to get in touch with me. I know that what we had was real, he is the only one for me. Ive tried to get over him, meet/date other guys but there is noone but him! I also heard that he plans on getting engaged to her next year, that really broke my heart into a million more pieces! I really want to be back with him but how do I get him back? why is he doing this if he doesnt want to be with me? I dont even know what to think anymore.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


He may be doing this to get back at you for breaking up with him in 2007, he may want you to feel the same pain he felt when you broke up with him. What you need to do is be honest with him about the way that you feel and apologize for breaking up with him in 2007 and tell him it was the worse mistake of your life and then tell him you want the two of you to be together and if he doesn't want to get back together there is nothing else you can do if he isn't willing to give the two of you a chance and stays with his current girlfriend. What you are going to have to do is make up your mind how much you are willing to take from him and if you are willing to come second or even be his mistress if you are not willing to be any of those and you have told his girlfriend that he is still seeing you along with her then it's time to break away as painful as that may sound it is something you are going to have to do or else he will continue to have you on the side and not make a commitment to you. You need to cease contact with him if you tell him how you feel and he does nothing about it. He may be marrying her because of the way you have stopped communicating with him so contact him and tell him how you feel about him make this your last ditch effort to win him back.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I just do not understand and I cant live the rest of my life without him, as terrible as that may sound.. I do not understand what he wants from me, why he keeps playing these games with me, especially when he acts like he hates me when he is around his family..
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


It's because he wants what he knows he cannot have which is "you" he knows your families do not want you with each other and will make it hard for you. The current girlfriend is his best bet for him in his eyes and this may be why he might ask her to marry him, his family could possibly be pressuring him into doing so that is why is it crucial for you to talk to him and see where things stand and ask him to please finally be honest with you. You broke up with him in 2007 which made him want to pursue you and once he got you he was with someone else and he didn't want to stop seeing you so now he wants his cake and eat it too. It's up to you to decide if you are going to allow it to be this way for the rest of your life or when it's time to cut your loss' and move on but I would talk to him and see what he says about everything.

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