1, He is 46 and I am 50
2. We dated for about 6 months and there just wasn't any chemistry. He lost his job/home so I said he could stay (in my guest cottage and do projects in leui of rent or run errands for me. He's got ADD and nothing ever gets done. His deal was to fix things, build things, run errands, kill pesky animals (mice) etc. He's an expert carpenter. He starts and takes months to complete only because he doesn't concentrate on finishing the job
3. Yes, I am putting a roof over his head, paying utilities food, some travel, clothing, etc But in according to him, If I can afford to do it for me, then what's a litle extra for him. He's not thrown any money in the kitty so to speak very often. And I guess for practical reasons, I am supporting him except paying his truck payment or any other personal bills he has.
4. I do not work -he scrambles for work which is few and far between. He normally charges $45.00 and won't work for anything less.
5. I have asked him to leave and the issue of why always comes up and my answer is that he does nothing...and takes forever. And that we don't get along. His answer to that is that we do get along and it's all in my head and I keep coming up with this screaming match. By the way, he does not listen.
6. No, would like for him to go but he has no where to go..I doubt his family would take him in or friends, etc. I just found out he jas $40 in his checking account.
7. No I never did love him but by living with him, we do not co-habitate well even though he's in a part of the home I do not even see.
8. When I bring up these issues, it's my fault, I'm doctor Jeckle/Hyde. I hate the person he's made me become...always screaming. OH...he told me he did contribute...he brought grocerys for a period of time. It costs about $10,000 a month to keep this place up monthly and he bought grocerys.
9. I want him out, however he will not leave as he does not have anywhere to go. He also has a dog who I love as does my dog...would you believe that's a factor also? Dumb huh. His brother is a sleezy attorney, and I am sure he would get involved because no one in the family wants him on their shoulders as I'm sure it's happened before. ALSO major controlling. If male friends stop by, his hair strands on ends. Always wants to know where I went and and what I did. I tell him it's none of his business.
10. While I've opened up my home to him during a very hard time in his life, I'm the bad person. It bothers me when I even know he pulls up in his truck. He's started so many projects that only he can finish....I feel so so stuck...maybe because of the illness and just dealing with one medical issue after another. When I try and talk too him, his response is "I'm sory." He's attending a group called Breakthrough and this must be the standard issue answer.
I'm in California
Breakthrough is a program for men to help them mostly with "Mother Issues" as he has alot of...he stayed with living with his mother until he was 35. A men's focus group. I know he has severe "Mother issues" as he and everyone will admit. I was oprhaned at 6 weeks old and my dear sweet Grandma took me in. She was first generation immigrant and somehow all the women got married and if the boys didn't well, they stayed home and let mom take care of them. They also have a Break Now for women but I don't think I can go until he's out of my life as I am so angry. I think these programs might have resulted from LifeSpring...but the only owners of these programs live in Carmel, CA
I've tried the outline procedures above and to be diligent on saying I want it done "NOW" but to no avail...but I will try again. "This I will try again" seems to be my mantra.
I hate the yelling (that's all I grew up with in a home of alcholics) and now I am the one doing it. I've lost a self=of sense. Between the Cancer, last year I had a terrible outbreak of Lichen Planus. Autioimmune disease leaving 300 leisions on my body. So I understand my vunurability on this one also. Alls I want is my peace back, my puppy to be happy with his puppy and not have the continual disgregard for those who surround us.
Once again, you were very right on. Oh, he does have family and friends to boot...but I and that's a strong I believe this is his pattern and they aren't going to help him out again...they saw me coming and said Hallijulah! Best to you