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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20112
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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So, my girl who Ive been with for about three and half years

Customer Question

So, my girl who I've been with for about three and half years broke up with me last week. I'm 31 and she is 24. Everything seemed great until about 3 months ago when she got pregnant and had an abortion (plan B pill, we both decided it was best choice for us). She said she felt like she woke up pregnant and married (we're not, but might as well have been)and it scared the crap outta her. So she started staying at her parents house (we still hung out quite a bit though) and she's been re-evaluating her life and feeling lost and like the the spark in life is gone. We moved in together last June and until the pregnancy things have been great. We did definitely get in a rut of being lazy and watching too much tv and not excercising. But we've always got along great (and the sex was fantastic!). We haven't had one real fight EVER. Even now she was so damn honest with me (and didn't cheat) that it's hard to be mad at her for turning my life upside down. I love her more than anything and I've never hurt this bad in my whole life. I sit around at home, work or go to the super market and I find myself trying to not break down balling. My insides feel scooped out. I just never thought this could hurt so bad. She said she hopes she realizes this is the biggest mistake ever, but she can't make any promises and she just needs to do this right now.
What should my gameplan here be?
I have to try to get her back, but I definitely want to give her time to think and figure shit out. She's staying at her parents house and I'm moving into a place with a roommate next month. So that should help her not feel married. What should I do? How long should I wait until I try get us hanging out again? And what's the best way to go about doing this without being annoying and/or pathetic.

p.s. we also a 10 month old puppy that we got last year. She already had a dog, so I can't seperate them.
If we don't get back together, would it be wrong of me to ask for visitation rights? I really love that dog.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 6 years ago.
Hi, and thanks for your question.

I'm sorry you find yourself in such a difficult emotional situation, at this time.

I think you really do have to give her her space, and let her decide what she wants to do with the rest of her life. If 'feeling' married and having the pregnancy scare, caused her to decide she needed her space to re-evaluate her life, she really does need it. It doesn't necessarily mean you will never get back together, and as long as you are still a presence in her life, things might work out.

For the moment, you'll have to believe that things do happen for a reason, even though you miss her and are miserable, but I think without seeming pathetic at all, you should keep in touch with her (but don't overdo it, as she did ask for her space), and visiting the puppy might be a good way to see her on a steady basis. If you got the puppy together, and you both decided he's better off with her and her dog, since he's bonded with her dog, you made the best decision regarding the welfare of the puppy, and that was very mature and unselfish of you.

Ask her when would be a good time to visit the puppy, and spend some time with him, and at first, you CAN only take the puppy out, play with him, etc., and then ask her if she would like to join you on your walks, etc., so you can spend more time with her.

Continue to tell her you care about her but be sure not to crowd her, and try to discuss with her what her life's hopes and dreams are, what is she looking for? The more you can get her to open up and talk about this, the more you will know what she really wants, and you can try to convince her you can give it to her (if you really can!)

I know it's difficult, but try to go on with your daily routine and when you find yourself thinking about her, purposely direct your mind somewhere else, and leave your thinking about her for when you're home and aren't afraid you might break down in front of people.

You might consider sending her an 'I'm thinking about you' card, and gauge her reaction. If it's positive, send another one in a week. If she seems embarrassed or annoyed, don't send another one.

I hope things work out for you both!


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