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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18787
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Ive been married for two years and it seems like its getting

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I've been married for two years and it seems like it's getting stale. There is no intimacy and all my husband does is sit in front of the tv. The only time we do have sex is if I complain about it, but I'm really tired of it so the last time we did it was back in February. If we spend time together it's because something I've planned because that's what he expects me to do, but when he needs to do something he plans for himself. When I try to express the way I feel, he gets upset and it becomes very difficult to talk to him without him raising his voice so I internalize the way I feel. I'm really ready to move on because I feel our relationship is at a dead end, what should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

May I ask your ages?

Did you know your husband for long, before you got married?

What attracted you to him when you first met him, and what made you fall in love with him?

Do you have any children?

Do you both work full time?

Thanks for all your additional detail.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am 42 and he's 47, we knew each other 5 years before we got married and it seems like after we got married everything we planned to do relationship wise went out the door after we got married. I've been married twice before and him once. I have an 18 year old daughter who will be graduation this year and he has two children, a son 22 and daughter 13. His son lived with us for several months until he kicked him out. There were a lot of adjustment issues and his son didn't want to follow my rules, so that also put a wedge in our relationship. I also failed to tell you that after we got married I use to have to ask for sex because he never seemed to want to do it so I did some snooping and found some pictures of him with dildos up his butt. I asked him about it and he told me some story, that I didn't believe. I will never forget that conversation. I also found some odd websites he went to but never had the chance to question that. And yes, we're both retired military and work full time.
When we met each other we were both coming out of bad marriages but we did take out time with the relationship and I thought he was the sweetest and most understanding person at the time, but now I feel I'm seeing a whole different side of him.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello again, and thanks for your reply with additional information about your situation.

It certainly sounds like you've both gone through a lot since you've been married, re: the children, etc., and this may be what's causing some of the emotional turmoil and stress in your marriage.

From your description of events, it sounds like he has changed since you got married, and he's not the same person with the same expectations from this marriage, as you. Also, finding those photos and odd websites he's gone to, are very curious. Do you think he may be bisexual and is not really interested in sex with you because he'd rather be with a man? I know this is uncomfortable to think about, and it's certainly not a bad reflection on you, but based upon the photos you found, you must admit that suspecting this, is not far fetched.

If he is no longer the sweetest and most understanding person you first fell in love with, it would be a good idea to try to find out what caused the changes in him. The best way to do this, and try to salvage your marriage, if this is what you want, is to see a couples/marriage counselor, to get some help in identifying the problems and working on them, together. Sometimes, a professional outside the situation, can see what needs to be 'fixed'.

If you feel that you would not like to continue in this marriage, then you need to have a serious talk with him, no yelling, no pointing fingers, just lay out the circumstances on the table for him, and ask what he'd really like to do. If neither of you are truly happy, and his personality has changed since you met him/got married, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your relationship.

Try the marriage counseling first, to see if it will help, and then, take it from there.

I hope things work out well, for you and wish you much good luck.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18787
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He refuses to go to marriage counseling but claims he's going to counseling about his sexual problem. When I asked who he's seeing he didn't want to tell me and I also mentioned that since the problem concerns both of us I should be included. He says he's not ready for me to come (it's been almost a year since I made this suggestion).
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply and your accept.

From everything you've said, there is certainly something going on that he doesn't want you to know about, and if he won't include you in the counseling he's now getting and/or refuses to go to marriage counseling together, you're really in a difficult situation.

You need to do what's best for you and will make you happiest. If you feel that means leaving him, you'll know if it feels right and make the best decision.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18787
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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