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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My daughter and the new town with the boy who worked for her.

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I have tried to tell her that she has to have a little trust but it is hard for her. I look at it that he seems to like to spend time with her. She looks at it that he is just filling time since he does not know a lot of ppl . She is self conscious about how he looks and worries she is not his type thus the snowball effect with no kiss yet, etc Shhe refers to it as --I don not know what we are??
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

If she is worried about these thing then she should talk to him about it and ask him if they are the friends or more. He may be wondering the same thing it's always good another ways to start out as friends and then allow it to develop into more on it's own. What you have to do is talk to your daughter and tell her that she shouldn't feel as though she doesn't deserve to be happy have a nice and cute guy like her, right now she doesn't know her self worth and what she deserves so she is and will be questioning when any cute or nice guys pursues her and she has to get out of that negative opinion of herself. Only when she can do that will she be able to relax and enjoy his company without having to put a label on the relationship and questioning his intentions. If you have more to add just click reply instead of openign another question it will be much easier for you.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ok we now have another concern/   He went south for a week to see old friends. As I have told you, he has given her undivided attention . The day he left, Monday, he took her to breakfast, supper and then went to sleep. she was not supposed to see him again but he showed up at 9 before he left to see her again. He talked to her several hours during the drive, called to tell her he got there. and then called several times Tuesday night. He was extremely drunk I guess at that time. Now it is Thursday morning and she did not hear from him all day yesterday. She tried to calll but his phone has been off. She is assuming now all of her fears. I told her I do not feel that this is directed toward her. If hs truly shut the phone off, it is off for everybody, including his parents. Many possibilities could be a different answer. What is your thinking on this??
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ok we now have another concern/ He went south for a week to see old friends. As I have told you, he has given her undivided attention . The day he left, Monday, he took her to breakfast, supper and then went to sleep. she was not supposed to see him again but he showed up at 9 before he left to see her again. He talked to her several hours during the drive, called to tell her he got there. and then called several times Tuesday night. He was extremely drunk I guess at that time. Now it is Thursday morning and she did not hear from him all day yesterday. She tried to calll but his phone has been off. She is assuming now all of her fears. I told her I do not feel that this is directed toward her. If hs truly shut the phone off, it is off for everybody, including his parents. Many possibilities could be a different answer. What is your thinking on this??
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I think he just got too drunk and slept it off most of the day yesterday I would wait to see if she hears from him today. I really doubt he would purposely turn it off to only her if he made such an effort to see her before he left. I think he got with old friends and spent time with them and got a little drunk but I don't think she has anything to worry about she may hear from him today, tell her not to be upset with him for not calling that will sound clingy and she doesn't want to do that already, even if she is mad tell her not to let it show when or if she talks to him today. He may have also turned his phone off while he was drunk and doesn't know that he did so. Tell her to give him until the end of the day to call and if he doesn't call today then it could be that he is just having fun seeing old friends and family and don't take it the wrong way. She needs to be patient and calm about this so not to blow this.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU BUT AS I HAVE EXPLAINED , SHE HAS A TRUST PROBLEM AND HER IMAGINATION GETS THE BEST OF HER. AS I TRIED TO POINT OUT, HE IS A 20 YEAR OLD BACK WITH HIS FRIENDS HE HAS NOT SEEN SINCE MONTHS AGO AND A CONDO WITH NO PARENTS, ETC. GEE, YOU MAY NOT HEAR FROM HIM UNTIL HE RETURNS NEXT WEEK!!! I JUST NEED TO SOMEHOW GET HER TO TRUST AGAIN AND NOT BE SO QUICK TO THINK NEGATIVE ABOUT HERSELF. SHE SAID SHE IS NOT CALLING HIM. SHE WILL ALLOW HIM TO DO WHATEVER IT IS HE IS DOING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. AND ALSO, WHEN HE HAD BEEN THERE FOR A DAY WITH HIS FRIENDS, HE STILL CALLED AND TALKED TO HER SEVERAL TIMES SO IT IS NOT THAT HE GOT THERE AND INSTANTLY FORGOT ABOUT HER. ???????? ANYTHING ELSE YOU THINK I NEED TO SAY TO HELP HER WITH THIS??? I DO NOT WANT TO BE MEDDLING BUT SHE WANTS SOME ADVICE,
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

She is going to have to try and gradually trust in him he hasn't done anything yet to show her that she cannot trust him and she doesn't want to blow a possible good thing. Trust isn't going to be easy to come by especially with everything she has been through with relationships. One thing she can do when she starts to think negative is listen to music and take a calming bath if she can but also she can meditate also meditation can be very soothing like some short breathing exercises to calm her down so that she doesn't panic into thinking the worst. After a relationship ends one of the most difficult challenges is to learn to trust again. The only way to end the trust issues and reclaim her life is to effectively "erase" the memory of the past from your mind and heart once and for all! This will not only open her heart to love but make it so she can have a healthy relationship without thinking it's going to end even before it's really started She has to regain her confidence, courage, self worth, strength, to feel complete able to trust so she has to work on those issues along with trying to get trust back.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com