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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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Why shouldnt I go out with an unhappy married man

Resolved Question:

Why shouldn't I go out with an unhappy married man?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

If he is so unhappy, why is he still a married man? I am sure he has given you a hundred excuses, or will if you ask him. But at the end of the day thousands of unhappily married men leave their wives and children.........regardless of the consequences. Those who do not generally are being dishonest about how "Unhappy" they are in the first place.

 

As far as why you should not, here are a few very good reasons:

 

  1. The fact of the matter is he is married, he made a promise to someone and he should keep it. Now of course that has nothing to do with you....you did not make the promise. But the reality is why should this women suffer from your choices? While he may tell you a very good story about how horrible she is or how she hates him or refuses him sex the fact is you do not know the whole story. Men are very good at deceiving women to get to a quick fling. But at the end of the day you are taking away her husband and destroying her marriage.
  2. If they have children you are taking away their father! They have the right to have both parents be active roles in their lives. If he is so unhappy then he needs to man up and leave. Leaving his home does not mean leaving his children. He can still be a active role in their lives. Another thing to consider is should this fling turn into something more, these children WILL NEVER forgive you for breaking up their family.
  3. Once a cheater always a cheater......this is a fact. While some men can learn to be faithful it is very few and far between. If he is cheating on her he will cheat on you. Thus increasing your risk for STD's and other problems.
  4. In some states the wife can sue you for Alienation of Affections. Now this may seem odd, but the reality is there are a few different states that allow this. She could take you to court and get a civil judgment against you. If you do consider this fling you may want to consult a lawyer first to determine if she could sue you in your state.
  5. What comes around goes around. This is a fact, someday you will find someone you love and care for. Someone you invest your whole world in........would you want another women to come along and take that from you? I am sure the answer is No. I am also sure you are telling yourself that you will take good care of your man and he would never cheat on you. I am sure his wife tells herself the same thing. The sad reality is many men cheat, and for no other reason then a simple attraction or opportunity.
  6. Respect.............You deserve more then a man who is willing to stay in a bad marriage instead of being with you! Why would you even consider giving this guy any of your attention. Basically he is telling you that even though he is unhappy in his marriage he is still putting it above his feelings for you. That is very disrespectful! When you are with a man, you should be his whole world.....he should put you before all else, not behind a bad marriage. Why you would even consider giving him the time of day I don't know, you are worth far more then a fling.

 

The fact is at the end of the day if you don't hold out enough respect for yourself then it is only you who will get hurt in all this. By giving him the OK, you have just told him that you do not value yourself. You are willing to sit back and allow him to put his bad marriage ahead of you while you settle for what ever is left.

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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Walter
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Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)