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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18652
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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How can I date my older boyfriend without his teenage daughter

Customer Question

How can I date my older boyfriend without his teenage daughter getting in the way? I'm 21 and he's 38, he's been divorced for the past 5 years, his daughters 14 and she gets upset when she finds out he has a date with me and calls her mother and tells her, because of this he won't let me come to his house when she's there, she called him a pervert for dating a younger girl, what should I do? Because I want to see him more. But it just seems like he's going to let her ruin all of his relationships
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again Christy,

Under the circumstances you describe, you'll have to see your boyfriend only when you go out on dates, meeting anyplace other than his house, when his daughter is there. I'm assuming he has visitation on some weekends and one weekday? Whatever the visitation schedule is, you won't be able to go to his house when his daughter is there, and I would advise you not to push the point with him.

His daughter's behavior is not untypical of a teenager in a divorce situation and you're only 7 years older than her, so it's natural for her to resent you, not only because you're dating her father, but because you're younger than her mother. While he should not allow his daughter to ruin his relationships and dictate who he can and cannot date, it would be best for you to steer clear of his house, when his daughter is visiting. Also, his daughter shouldn't know when he has a date with you; her father's social life is none of her business, and if he's seeing you on a night when she's staying at his house, he shouldn't be leaving her alone to go on a date. Believe me, I'm on YOUR side, but as a single father, he has responsibilities, and I'm sure you can make time to see each other when his daughter is not at his house. If he has full custody and she lives with him, full-time, this is a different situation, but the fact remains that he is the father, she is the daughter, he can date whom he wants, and she shouldn't know anything about his relationships with the women he sees, unless he's planning on marrying someone. I don't think you're up to that point, yet.

I hope things work out well for you.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
the daughter lives with him, but she stays with her mom every weekend, and his son, I've already met him, he's 9, he likes me because every time I see him he says hey to me and asks me a lot of questions, I spent the night with him last night, he's having his sons birthday party today, I was invited to it but he changed his mind because he thought it wouldn't be a good idea considering the fact that his sons mother and his ex-wife, daughter and parents would be there, how can I get his daughter used to me if she acts like she doesn't want to meet me just yet, he hasn't seen me on a night when she's been at the house yet, he stands up for me to her a lot already, she has a boyfriend and he said he told her "I'm still your dad and I'm going to do whatever I want to do, I may not like your boyfriend" and she just told him that wasn't fair and she thinks he's a pervert for dating younger women, he thinks I'm dating him because he reminds me of a father figure, not true, he's the opposite of a father figure to some people, I'm not used to being around him a lot just yet, and I don't know him that well, so, because of that, I act weird and say or do weird things around me, he says I'm sending him mixed signals, I'm not doing it on purpose, thats just my weird way of trying to figure him out, get to know him and see how he truly is, he doesn't understand that, like, when I'm mean to him, thats my way of joking around and playing with him, he doesn't think that, he thinks I'm serious because I'm stern about the mean things I say to him but I'm not really, I told him over and over that when I do weird things like pull away when he's trying to kiss me, he thinks I'm being mean or that I don't want him to kiss or touch me, wrong, thats my way of teasing him, lol, what can I do or say to get him to understand me more somehow? and what about his daughter, I want to be her friend and get to know her but she won't let me, help
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy, and thanks for your reply.

How did you get involved with this older man? If he's been married twice(?) already, and is much older than you, do you really think this is a good idea? You know from the past, that I will support you in whatever you seem to want, but many times it's better to date someone closer to your age, without the 'baggage' of children and ex-wives. The fact that he's been married more than once (I'm not sure if he was married to the mother of his daughter, the way you described it), and has a daughter just a few years younger than you, may not be the sort of relationship you're looking for.

I think perhaps, the way you are acting mean, but just fooling around, is lost on him, due to your age difference. Some relationships with this type of difference in ages can work successfully, but it depends up on the individual people and the circumstances. If his daughter has made up her mind not to like you and calls him a pervert for dating a younger woman, it's good that he puts her in her place, and reminds her that HE'S the adult, he's the father, and he can do what he pleases, while she, on the other hand is a teenager, and CANNOT do what she pleases. However, he shouldn't compare her not accepting you, with him possibly not liking her boyfriend. A girl of 14 is a little young to have a boyfriend, in my opinion, and I certainly hope he's aware of what she's doing (physically) with that boyfriend, when they go out, so there are no future problems.

He made the right call in thinking it wouldn't be a good idea for you to come to his son's party today. There is no reason that his ex-wife, daughter's mother, and rest of his family should meet you, just yet. You haven't been seeing each other long enough and as you said, you don't know him that well, yet.

His son accepts you, because he's younger than the daughter, and he's male. He likes your attention and thinks you're cool and do fun things with him. His daughter sees you as 'competition' for her father's attention, and you can keep trying to be nice to her, but I don't know if she will accept you as a 'friend' at this time.

I think it would be best if you kept the interactions with his daughter to a minimum, and only saw him on days when his daughter is not around.

Try not to 'fool around' so much with your teasing and being 'mean' as you mentioned. I think you're being 'sarcastic' with your words and/or actions, and this is what he is misinterpreting. You can be flirtatious and funny without seeming mean, and so he doesn't misunderstand what you're doing. Try being more 'you', speak openly, and let him know you care for him, but play it cool and don't overdo. Don't discuss his daughter or son with him, because when he's with you, I don't think he wants to think about his role as father and all it's responsibilities, he just wants to relax and enjoy being with you.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
he was married to his daughters mother but he didn't marry his sons mother, and the funny thing is that last night we were alone and had the house to ourselves, and he told me that his son and his son's mother could come home at any minute, I got nervous and told him to lets just go out and get something to eat, he thinks he made me mad when he didn't, I told him I had respect for his son and his sons mother to not let him see something he wouldn't want to see and that I was just being cautious, and he said "you should have just told me that", and when I left his house this morning, his sons mother lives with him because she doesn't have anywhere else to go and he made it clear to me that theres nothing going on between them still and he's just helping her out, but, her and her boyfriend were asleep in the living room on her bed and they saw us leaving together, but the thing is, me and my manager were at a skating rink together and she came up to us because we were wearing our pizza hut uniforms still and she asked us did we work with him, and my manager said no before I could get the chance to say anything, I was going to say I used to, lol, but I didn't know if that would be a good idea or not, and a girl I work with is related to her and she said "I think she already knows about you, she doesn't care" my manager says that he can't stand his sons mother and he talks bad about her behind her back and says shes weird, he told me they just get along because of their son and thats the only other reason she's living there too, we're supposed to do something again tomorrow and he said you're not going to act weird again are you and I just told him no, so, his kids mothers know about me already, I don't know about his parents yet, I'm just worried they're not going to like me and this isn't going to work out because if he gives his children too much attention and keeps putting me on the back burner, he'll eventually forget all about me, he has a birthday coming up along with me, I don't know what to do for him or what to get him, I'm so confused, thank you for your advice so far
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
and he told me he's trying to start a relationship with me but I'm confusing him by sending him those mixed signals :)
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy.

If he keeps telling you he's confused by what he's interpreting as your mixed signals, you have to say what you mean and mean what you say, like for example last night. You should have said, I feel uncomfortable knowing your son and his mother might return at any minute, so why don't we just go out for something to eat and we can be alone another time, when there's no chance of anyone coming home.

I have to tell you, Christy, this situation doesn't sound like a healthy one for you. It's one thing if he's divorced and his kids live with him, but if his son's mother lives with him because she has nowhere else to go, and her boyfriend sleeps there, etc., I don't know if you'll ever get time alone with him, when you're not nervous SOMEONE might be coming through the door at any moment.

What's happening with your manager? Are you dating him? Did you transfer to the new store and find yourself your own place? Fill me in on that, okay?

If this man said he wants to start a relationship with you and you feel the same way, tell him it's very awkward for you that his son's mother still lives there; you're not accusing him of 'doing' anything with her, but it's still a very odd situation. Just think about if this is what you really want and if you can see yourself with him, down the line. In my honest opinion, I think you'd be happier with someone closer to your own age, who has his own place and you can have 'alone time' whenever the mood strikes. You shouldn't have to be worried about who's in the house, who might come home at any minute, and have to deal with his son's mother and her boyfriend, at ANY time. Sometimes, older, divorced people have to deal with these sort of problems, when they're dating, but, at your age, you shouldn't have to worry about these things.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi, how have you been? things are getting worse between me and Sean if you have the time to help me?
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Christy!

I'm fine, thanks for asking. What's going on with Sean?

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I was miserable at my new store where I was working at because I didn't see him as much and I was homesick, don't get me wrong, he would text me every day to check on me and see how I was doing and we would talk for a little while. and every other weekend we would go out, talk, laugh and have fun together, I spent a lot of time with his son because his daughter was always at her moms house, they both live with him and his sons mother lives there too but they're not together, she pays him rent and he lets her boyfriend come over whenever she wants him to. things have changed a lot, my hours were cut at work, so, I'm having to worry about how I'm going to pay rent every month now, he thinks I have a huge problem about him spending time with his kids and not with me when I don't, he's done told me his daughters his world and they're gonna come first, I told him I understand I respected that and I loved the kids but he still didn't believe me.
now, he never texts me anymore, I have to text or call him, he works crazy long hours at this store he's at in his hometown and he only has 1 day off which is sunday and I'm sure this is his weekend to watch the kids while his sons mother goes out and I won't get to see him since its fathers day weekend, but its been 3 days since I've seen him, he used to tell me I could come up to where he worked at to see him but it could only be for 15 minutes because he didn't want the other employees thinking that just because he's doing it that its ok for them to bring their boyfriends or girlfriends to where they work at and letting them stay.
I understood that, but now he doesn't want me coming up there at all, I don't know if its some I said or something I done but he won't tell me, every time I try to talk to him about what's wrong, he instantly goes into his defensive protective mode and thinks I'm pissed off at him because he went to go pick up his kids and left me somewhere stranded (I don't have a car), and thats what happened when I last heard from him which was wednesday, he hurt me so bad that I told him I was gonna call him later but I didn't because I was mad at him for the way he talked to me, I had went up to his work to see him and he told me before he didn't want me doing that anymore, and he had gotten to a point to where he wouldn't answer my text messages anymore but he would answer everybody else's even if he was a little busy, and I went to the mall across the road, and he always picks me up from there and brings me home usually, this time he went straight home after he got off from work and left me there without a way home and I sent him a text message telling him he was acting funny, and he said what do you mean, and I had gotten him a shirt from a store when I was in there and I told him you know what I mean I got you something, and he said I don't know what you mean, I can't just blow off my kids to go f**k around, and I told him that wasn't what I was talking about and I just wanted to ask him something because I was going home for a few days and he just said, my parents watch my kids for me for free and they expect me to be there ASAP when I get off from work to pick them up.
he was lying, he's been late to pick them up before when he takes me home or has something else to do, I don't know if I should just break up with him or try to talk to him about this because he said that if he didn't want anything else to do with me he would tell me, he wouldn't go behind my back and tell someone else that, this is going to sound pathetic, but I've had to get my mom or a friend of mine to call him or text him to get him to call me when I'm worried about him or when I get paranoid because I haven't heard from him in like a day at the least, he won't even return my phone calls if I call him at night and he's asleep, I know I have more time on my hands now to make plans for us to see each other but I've had to do all the asking out except for probably 3 or 4 times when he asked, and it used to only take him 2 to probably 5 minutes to say something back to my text messages, now it takes him 30 or sometimes he doesn't answer them at all, and he knows what he's doing is wrong because his neighbor works with him and when me and those 2 were together he told him that and that he should treat me better and he didn't do anything but laugh because he said he just thought he was trying to start trouble, every time I try to talk to him about this he brings up something else that he has to do or calls someone he wants to talk to and avoids it, either that or he uses the I can't help it I have kids line because he knows thats the easy way out of it.
my question is, how do I bring this up to him without trying to make it sound like the kids are a problem because they're not? and I've called him, probably 2 or 3 times once and he didn't answer the phone and he didn't call me back, he says it was because he was drunk, I have to call him or get someone else to tell him to answer my phone calls, so, he's gotten to the point to where he's impossible to get ahold of, I've called his work and talked to him a few times, the last time I tried that, he told the girl that answers the phone to tell me he's busy. I may have said a few things about myself that his daughter did, said, or something like that that he didn't like, but he's only been acting like this because he was addicted to these prescription pain pills called lortabs, he ate them like they were candy, those and vicodins and oxycodone, he's been doing that for a long time, over 8 years and when he went on his vacation with his family, he tried getting off of them and he wouldn't hardly talk to me, or nothing, wednesday when I seen him he says he done a bad thing and went on a drug binge, it just seems like that the sean I knew and loved and the one that cared about me was the one that was high and on drugs all the time, he told me he wasn't as social when he wasn't on those pills and he wasn't a people person with or without them, I done a bad thing also, I bought them for him and gave them to him, sometimes I felt like that was the only reason he was keeping me around was so that he could get free drugs whenever he wanted because he never offered to pay me back for them, and those things cost $5 a pill and I would go out and buy him 10 or 15 at a time when I knew better, I don't know why I done it, I guess so I could keep him around, if the only reason he wants to keep me around is because he knows I can get those for him for free then I would rather him not have anything to do with me at all, before he left on his vacation he told me not to get him anymore, no matter how much he begged or pleaded with me, I promised him I wouldn't, and I haven't so far. the point I'm trying to make is that, ever since he stopped taking those pills, it seems like he doesn't have a use for me anymore.....
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Christy,

Thanks for your detailed reply. Please give me some time to read it and get an answer to you.

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ok, thank you :)
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy, and thanks for your patience.

I agree with you, that things don't sound like they're going well with Sean, and his 'reversal' of personality is of concern. If he's going to be 'happy Sean' and 'not happy Sean' depending upon whether or not he's taking the pain medication, you don't really 'know' the real him. Getting him the pills was not a good idea on your part, and I think you realize that now, so please don't go back to doing that, ever.

I do think he's trying to let you know he wants to end your relationship, by not responding to your texts, calls, and not picking you up that day, from the mall. Although this is hurtful for you, I think you would be in a better position, not being with him anymore. He does need to spend his free time with his kids, he works so many hours, it's difficult for him to make time for everything, and let's face it, his kids are always going to come first, and really, that's the way it should be. However, I do think you're completely correct that he may have been interested in you partly because you were getting him the pills, and addiction is a very strong motivating force.

I think your life will be happier if you left this relationship with your dignity and got yourself together, re: your job, making sure you can pay your bills, etc., and try to meet someone closer to your own age, without kids, and who can devote the time to you that you want and need. A successful relationship is full of 'give and take', honesty, compromise, and open communication. When you're with someone who's around your age, and who has similar interests and wishes for the future, you'll be happiest.

You seem to be attracted to men who are 'unavailable' in many ways. If you stick to men in your age group, I think you'll find more things in common, etc., but then again, it all depends on the individual people and personalities. You have a lot to offer in a relationship with a man: you're a 'giver' (but be careful, because you can easily be taken advantage of), you're willing to do little thoughtful and considerate things for them, which is so nice! But it's a two way street; you deserve to be treated the same way by a more who cares about you.

I would recommend just letting this relationship with Sean fall by the wayside; don't call him, don't text him and start living your life on your own, again. You don't HAVE to have a boyfriend or be with a man ALL the time, to validate your life. You have a lot to offer a man and you should have more confidence in yourself, and not start a relationship with the first man who shows you some attention. That's how it's seems from what you've told me in the past, and I hope you don't mind me saying this--I'm not saying it to upset you, but to help you improve your life in the future, and be more aware of the men you choose to go out with. Don't rush into relationships; go out a few times, see how compatible you are, see how his home life is, find out more about him, etc., before deciding to make it a 'steady' relationship; you have no reason to rush into anything.

My main concern is YOUR happiness, and I know you know that's how I'm advising you--to achieve that.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18652
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your answer but no one knows him the way I do, I mean, I can't say that I do know him because of his prescription pain pills addiction but I know that I don't want to give up on him and I want to support him, I realize that you're saying that he's probably trying to be nice and trying not to hurt my feelings but letting me go the only way he knows how without doing that, but what if he isn't and he just doesn't have enough time on his hands to make time for me and I have to do it? personally, I know for a fact that he has way too much on his plate already with work and his kids, and I can handle being 3rd or 4th in line in his life, but the way he talks to me when I haven't heard from him in 3 days or a week or longer is whats keeping me from giving up on him, and I know this isn't the real Sean that I'm seeing, the one thats trying to get off of these pills, this sean is mean and antisocial, the one I know, the real one is nice, funny, sweet, smart and loves to have fun with me, and the one that isn't at work and can't make time for me when he's working is the one that I think loves me, I can't say for sure, but thats the way he acts a lot of times, and he told me once, why would you wanna date someone or be in a relationship with someone you didn't like, I think thats pretty pathetic, he acts like he's crazy about me when his kids aren't around him and he's not at work, I can't understand him, thats all I'm trying to say, I guess I just have to deal with it, and the reason he doesn't call me back when I call him and he doesn't answer because he's asleep is he gets up at 6 in the morning and I've told him I don't wake up until 9am and not to call me before then and he has to go to work at 8am, I know I sound like I'm just making excuses for him but I'm willing to wait for him
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Christy, and thanks for your reply and your accept.

I understand what you're saying, and I'm sure you do know him very well and he has many wonderful attributes, but if he can't exhibit these behaviors 'consistently', it's difficult to be with a man who, you don't know who he will be, from one day to the next. I do think the pills have an effect on his personality and I know you see that, too. It does sound like you're making excuses for him, but you do know him best, XXXXX XXXXX not all excuses.

You're willing to wait for him, but for how long? He will always be working these long hours and the kids aren't going anywhere. Don't you think you would be better off with a man similar to your age, who doesn't have so much on his plate? That's the point I'm trying to get across to you. You know what makes you happy. If Sean makes you happy, try to salvage your relationship, but, put a time limit on it, so you don't 'stay' and then end up not being happy in the end.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hey, how have you been? things have gotten worser since I last talked to you, sean broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago, he said my mom was the main problem and he just didn't have enough time for a girlfriend and thats why he's been avoiding talking to me, the first thing he said was maybe we should go the friends route, I want to try to make things work with him again, but he hurt me so bad and I'm depressed, my mental health is getting worse, I can tell, I loved him very deeply and would have done anything in the world to make him happy or see him smile, I can see how my mom got on his nerves and was driving him crazy the way she does me, she's done this with all of my past ex boyfriends to break us up, she's not stupid, she knows what she's doing, she just doesn't realize that she's hurting me by doing me this way, and he said his boss was always on him about something, and his daughter didn't like the fact that he was dating again and he's working longer hours now and he hardly has time to get a bath when he gets home, and he promised me he still like me as a girlfriend he just couldn't make time for me because he didn't know if something was going to come up the weekends he was free or not, cher, I know you're just trying to help, but I want to fix this relationship, I feel something very special with sean, he's different than my last 2 ex boyfriends, I wanted out of those relationships but I was scared to break up with them because I didn't want to be alone, but I think Sean's worth waiting for and I don't want to be with him because I don't want to be alone, I want to be with him because he's good to me and for me and so many other reasons, please help me think of something, I'll pay you whatever you ask for
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy, and thanks for your question.

I've been fine, thanks for asking. I'm sorry things aren't going well with you.

Why do you think your mother is not happy with any of the guys you date?

How much time did Sean spend with/around your mom, that she had a chance to 'poison' his mind against you?

Didn't you tell me that you had gotten a place of your own, or did that not happen? Do you see any chance to move out of your mom's house, in the near future? Is your salary enough to get a small apt. or rent a room in someone's house?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I think she does it to have control over me to keep me at her house all the time so she won't never be alone because she lived with her mom until the day she died and her mom did the same thing to her, I mean, I really want to try and fix things with him because he still likes me and wants a relationship with me obviously but its going to be a fight, and I'm up for it, I was with him for 3 months and she acted crazy once when I was at work at the drive thru and he was there and he just made a joke out of it, he didn't take her seriously, but now he knows how she really is, I've always believed that there's 2 sides to everyone and he's only met half of her other side, well, I got thrown out of that house, me and that lady didn't get along anyway, I'm trying my best, XXXXX XXXXX live with her too long though, my nerves are bad, my arms, legs and hands shake for no reason constantly and I'm starting to have panic attacks in the middle of the day. I don't know what to do, I want to tell Sean about this but I'm scared he'll think I'm crazy, and the only reason that happens is because I've been yelled at so much and beat on by both her and my brother, I've got a bruise on my right leg where she hit me with a tree limb that won't go away
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Christy,

I've told you before, when you told me she and your brother hurt you, you have to get out of that house for good, and you need to report them. You're not a 'child' (under 18), so they can't take you away from her, but if your brother is also an adult (over 18), you are being physically abused by a parent and a sibling and that is against the law. If you don't want them to go to jail, threaten them with that (you'll report them), so they stop. It is not healthy for you to live with this emotional and physical abuse.

Don't tell Sean about it; your instincts were right; but I'd certainly tell someone, like the cops....

If you have health insurance through your job, see a psychologist for counseling and ask for a mild anti-anxiety medication. You should not be having those symptoms of shaking and panic attacks. You're too young!

If you feel Sean still wants to have a relationship with you and your mother is the primary reason he broke it off with you, you need to convince him that you are a different person from her, and if he never wants to meet/see her again, that's fine, because you're planning on moving out as soon as you can. If he said he feels he doesn't have time for a girlfriend because of his time at work, time with his daughter, etc., don't push it. If he says he'd like to try the 'friends' thing, go for it. It's better to have him in your life as a friend, than not at all. However, as someone who is only looking out for your best interests, I really do think you should try to date men closer to your own age and don't let them meet your mother.

If you have any girlfriends you can stay with for a while until you save enough money to get your own place, or, as I mentioned, just to rent a room in someone's house, and have use of the 'common areas', like kitchen, etc., that would be great for you.

I'm not telling you to forget about Sean, but after 3 months, you 'think' you're deeply in love with him, but you really need to know a person much longer, before saying that. The fact that he's much older than you and has a teenaged daughter, are just complicating things A LOT, so wouldn't you rather date a guy you have more things in common with and is closer to your own age? I know what your 'heart' is telling you, but your brain has a say in this, too.

Please don't worry about being 'alone'; you are young, you are attractive, and you have so much to offer any good man. You won't go long without a boyfriend, but don't stay with someone just because you are afraid to be alone. I've met too many people who have done that and have ended up miserable. It's better to be alone (not lonely) than to be with someone who is not right for you.

And don't allow your mother and brother to touch you anymore. If you stay because you have a roof over your head, go to a women's shelter or the YMCA and stay there. No one has a right to lay a hand on you (or beat you with an object), even a mother or a brother.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I appreciate your help with my mother somewhat, but I just think I should talk to someone who won't look at mine and Sean's age difference as a problem, I don't want this to sound mean, I would just rather speak to someone that understands, I'm more mature for my age and I just don't want to do things that other girls my age are doing right now, I'm a little different than everyone else, I'm sorry it offends you that I'm attracted to older men, but thats just not something that I can't help, I played enough games with my first boyfriend so much that I don't even want to think about having to date a younger guy ever again, and I wasn't saying I was in love with him, I just care a lot about him and want to be around him more, but how am I supposed to be around him more if his boss is working him to death? maybe my manager, the one that had a crush on him told their area manager about me and him and he's keeping him busy so that he won't be able to see me, I've never gotten a good feeling when I was around her and she made me feel uncomfortable, like she was 2-faced and sneaky and would talk about you behind your back, I had better not ever find out that she's the cause of this because she is close with their area manager, I'm attracted to older men for a reason, and it is not because I want a father figure in my life, hell, my mom may as well be a damn man by the way she's treating me, abusing me, verbally and physically, and mentally, and trying to run all of my boyfriends off, and she has control issues like a father would and doesn't want me to grow up and stop being her little girl, there is no YMCA here, and don't you have to have some bruises on you before a shelter will take you in? I don't know what to do about her and nobody wants to help me with her, I hate my life, but I'm attracted to older men for the same reason other girls my age or younger are, I'm sorry I bothered you, I won't ever bother you again
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Christy, I never said you offended me or bothered me, by being attracted to an older man. I don't know where you got that from!

You have every right to be attracted to whomever you like, and I simply suggested that perhaps a man closer to your age might be a better and more successful relationship for you. If you feel you are more mature than your years and your experiences with men around your own age have been disastrous, I fully understand your attraction to older men. However, with the Sean situation, him having a teenage daughter was the prime reason you first posted your question, remember? And even if you want to have a relationship with an older man, one without children might be easier.

You did say: "I loved him very deeply and would have done anything in the world to make him happy or see him smile...". If his boss is working him so hard, that's between him and his boss, and you know he needs to work, especially if he's contributing to support for his daughter and paying bills, just as you need to work to pay your bills, so you need to accept this; the working part is really out of your hands, you have no control over it. If you feel your manager, who had a crush on him, has something to do with his working so much, I know how much you dislike her, and I certainly hope that's not true.

I don't know if you have to have bruises on you to go to a women's shelter, but you said you have a bruise on your leg that has never gone away. You could at least check out some of the shelters, if you really need to get out of your mom's house, to save your sanity. You said no one will help you with her, and that's exactly what I'm trying to do; I'm giving you alternatives to try to get out of her house.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I can't find any shelters near me, I don't know what to do
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Can you tell me your zip code and I try to research it for you?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
39440 or try 39401 or 39402
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Thanks,

I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ok
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Try these, I'm still looking....


Battered Women's Shelter

Laurel, MS 39440 (NNN) NNN-NNNN
=======================================================

http://hattiesburg-ms.yellowusa.com/Shelters.html

========================================================

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Try this one, too:

Laurel
Domestic Abuse Family Shelter

Serving: Covington, Forrest, Greene, Jasper, Jefferson Davis, Jones, Lamar, Marion, Perry, Smith and Wayne Counties     800-649-1092
P.O. Box 273
Laurel, MS NNN-NN-NNNN
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I'm sorry about the last time I talked to you, I was upset, but I saw Sean tonight and I think I did something I shouldn't have, I had a lot of money in my pocket and I showed it to him like and idiot because I was going to loan him some and he asked me where I got it from but I couldn't tell him the truth because I was scared he wouldn't talk to me again if I told him, because the way I got it I can't say but I shouldn't have done it the way I did to get it, and tonight he caught me in a lie about it, I told him I got unemployment on a debit card and he said you get a check in the mail for your unemployment and that I had lied and now he doesn't believe anything I say, help me, what should I do? I can't tell him the truth, I told him I went to work with my mom and he doesn't believe that either, he didn't seem like he was mad about it or he didn't care, because he hugged and kissed me and let me sit in his lap when I was with him, what should I do?
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Christy,
Hi I have not seen Cher around but I will try and contact her for you and get her to help you. Not sure how long that will take.
Dr, Keane
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.

Christy, I left Cher a message through the web site's expert forum and she asked me to tell you that she is not ignoring you but due to some changes in the site's basic setup they only allow licensed mental health experts to answer here.

I told her I would ask if you want me to read over your history and see if I could help you. I will leave that up to you. Let me know. Dr. Keane

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
thats ok with me
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
I have to go and read all your posts so I'll get back to you asap.
Dr. Keane
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
thats fine
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
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