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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I am having trouble trusting my girlfriend who is now my fia

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I am having trouble trusting my girlfriend who is now my fiance and it everytime I question her she cries and I apologise and then everything is ok until the next time..I just want to feel confident about our relationship
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-How long have you been together?

 

-How long have you had trust issues?

 

-What was your family life like while growing up?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We have been together only 6 months..she is from Eastern Europe I am CanadXXXXX XXXXXving in Australia..I work away 2 wks out of 3. I have had trust issues ever since my first girlfriend..I was adopted and also had and adopted mentally challenged sister from a different family..I spent a lot of my childhood feeling insecure due to the nature of the situation...also to make the situation more interesting I am 45 yrs old and she is 27..so as much as I am in love with her I feel the age difference occasionally however it is not an issue really.I believe the situation is my responsibility this jealously thing is somehow cyclical in nature and is there any advice that you can give me,,that can help me to deal with my relationship more realisticly...I do truly love this woman..Thank You
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Trust is important in order to have a successful and healthy. It is easy to get caught up in insecurities and doubt and it ultimately ruins a relationship, we all wish we could have a book that told us how to have a perfect marriage but that is just not possible to have a PERFECT marriage and the sooner you realized that we are all human the better you are at forgiving and trusting that your mate loves and honors your marriage vows. The first thing that has to happen is your wife has to be consistent in her actions and her words have to match her actions this is what is making you doubt and not trust her. Her being reliable on a day to day basis is very important she needs to be where she says she is going to be and be completely honest with you about her whereabouts and it will help build the trust.

 

Communication is also important in your marriage you have to tell her how you feel about things without sounding insecure and she has to tell you how she feels and not feel like she has to hide anything from you. How you deliver your intended message to your wife and how she to you could be the reason for some of the insecurity. Most disagreements in a relationship occur due to a misunderstanding. You and your wife need to be able to trust each other's words, to have complete faith in each other. Have your words match your body language, when you say what you mean and mean what you say the trust will follow.

 

Believing in yourself seems to be the issue you have issues believing that you deserve to be loved because you may feel like your birth parent threw you away and didn't want you, you felt abandoned and you may have a fear of people leaving you, because of how your family life was growing up and being adopted and your past relationship, along the lines you were hurt by someone and are afraid to feel that hurt again, believing in your partner and in each other as human beings is crucial to a relationship and trust. This is definitely something that your wife should know, you cannot build trust in a relationship if you are keeping secrets. Secrecy of any kind will destroy the trust in a relationship. Being honest and open can seem basic and easy but it requires intention. Keeping a secret puts barrier between you and your wife. Secrets sometimes requires lies and more lies to cover the other lies. No matter how difficult it may seem, an honest and open relationship will always be a trusting relationship even if you mate doesn't like the truth.

 

You always have room for improvement so if you are insecure or have self esteem issues it's a must to try to continue to grow and stretch as a human being and work on your issues. By continually bettering yourself and work on your issues the trust will come in time. If need be try going to counseling alone to figure out why you have trust issues and what event in your life got you to this point and tools you can use to trust not only your wife but that your marriage is genuine and that you deserve to be loved and wanted.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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