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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My husband of x1 yr and boyfriend of 14yrs has expressed that

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My husband of x1 yr and boyfriend of 14yrs has expressed that he feels that he has missed out on being with differnt women and that he has been thinkin about more n more. Ever since he told me he has gone back into his shell (he is not very emotional) and I dont know how to help him. Of course I'd like him to not have these feelings but I feel he is very tormented and feels so very guilty for telling me and hurting me so badly. Help?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What is his age?

 

-Other than that issues how do you get along?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

he is 32 and i'm 30... we've been together for a total of 15yrs. He had x2 partners before we were together.

We've been through alot together. I lost my mum in a car accident that i was driving, his best friend was killed from a motor bike accident and he tried to revive him, i have had ovarian cancer and was close to death..... i'm sorry its alot of stuff.

So i guess this issue may have come up sooner if it wasnt for the tradgedies that have made us be ther for each other.

We get on really well and would love to continue our relationship and get through this issue, and be stronger together for it.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

He may be suffer early signs of a midlife crisis most people who go through a midlife crisis sometimes feel like they have wasted their life away especially as they get older and start to feel old, even though midlife crisis usually start in men 35-50 years old it can sometimes start early for some men. Your husband has suffered alot of deaths and near deaths and he is starting to reevaluate his life and his life purpose. Your husband feels like there is more out there for him but really there isn't the dating scene is much different than when he was younger and dating. You are all he has known since he was 17 years old and this is why he is wondering if there is more out there and wants to experience it. This is one of the downfalls of dating at a young age and getting into a long term relationship so soon, years later they wonder if they have missed out. He may be feeling a need to feel younger also.

 

It may be time to think about Marriage counseling or counseling just for him so that a counselor can figure out why your husband has suddenly had a change of heart about being married and feels he missed out on dating alot of women. Unfortunately this is something that every woman who has ever been married will go through in their lives. It is inevitable that their husband will go through a mid-life crisis and want or end up leaving the wife. When a person goes through these changes and does not have someone qualified to talk to about it they will become extremely angry and it could affect their life with their spouse and family, one of the signs that will signal this change is the fact that he may become more obsessed about how he dresses and try to dress younger, along with doing activities which normally younger people will do.

 

If you want to save a marriage from something like this, you will have to show some patience. Sooner or later, he will realize what he is doing and come back feeling sheepish. Try to spend some quality time together to get your passion going again. Try to talk to each other like you used to, this will also help. Understand that he is feeling this way because of getting older and not because of you. He really needs to get help and talk to someone other than you possibly a professional who can help him sort out his feelings. He may feel that because of losing his friend and almost losing you that life is too short and he wants to experience things so try to experience new and exciting things together.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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