How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Cher Your Own Question

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18675
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
1470369
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Cher is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I MET A WOMANIZER ABOUT 3 TO 4 YEARS AGO HE ONLY THINKS OF

Resolved Question:

I MET A WOMANIZER ABOUT 3 TO 4 YEARS AGO HE ONLY THINKS OF HIMSELF AND TREATS ME AS AN SLOT MACHINE ABOUT 1 AND A HALF YEARS GO BY AND I FIND HIS # XXXXX MY WINDSHEILD I CALL HIM IN HOPES HE'S COME TO REALIZE I AM HIS TRUE PRINCESS , BUT QIUCK IN THE CONVERSATION HE SHOW ME THE SAME OLD HORNY GUY. I LEAD HIM ON FOR A FEW MONTHS AND FINALLY GAVE IN. IT WAS IF TIME STOOD STILL FOR US. ALL OF MY EMOTIONS CAME RUSHING BACK I FELL FOR HIM AGAIN WELL WE f**kED 3 TIMES SINCE THEN BUT THIS LAST TIME HIS PHONE WAS RINGING AND I KNEW I HAD TO BE ANOTHER WOMEN IT WASN'T ALARMING FOR ME. WE STILL HAD AWESOME SEX BUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT THIS OTHER GIRL. QUESTION # XXXXX IS HE REALLY INTO THIS GIRL AND JUST DID NOT CARE HOW IT AFFECTED ME OR WAS HE TESTING ME TO FIND OUT MY TRUE FEELING FOR HIM ALSO DO YOU THINK THIS GUY LIKES ME BECAUSE HE ALWAYS ACTS LIKE THEIR MIGHT NOT BE A NEXT TIME HOWEVER WHY WOULD HE COME BACK AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF ? HELP I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

It's seems like this leopard didn't change his spots and he is the same guy that used you for both money and sex before. If he is talking to other women then it's best that you don't get your feeling involved because they will only get hurt again. Even if he was trying to get you to tell him how you feel that was disrespectful for him to do it that way if he truly respects and cares about you he wouldn't treat you this way. He would not have come back if you hadn't opened the door for him to come back. He may have gotten a hold of you because he knew how you were from before it was easy for him and he thought you may be the same person as before and even though your feelings are genuine for him I don't think he has noble intention when it comes to a relationship with you. Your last statement was dead on he is a "JERK" and isn't going to change any time soon and you have to make up your mind that you deserve better and want better for yourself, if you know he is a womanizer then allow those other women to put up with his behavior he will realize what he had in you and then it will be too late. Don't waste anymore of your time on this guy he has not shown that he deserve it and really hasn't worked towards showing you his true feelings and treating you like a true princess. Find someone that will respect you both as a person and as a lover.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I did not leave the door open he just may a blind faith attempt and left his # XXXXX my windsheild. he has always had other women he is never faithful to anyone. i know his game . i would like an older person with more practice to answer this question no offense. but you are telling me something i already know . he has always been brutally honest with me and never used me for $$$
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i want a better opinon.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i do not accept nor do i want any feed back from her or thhe person that said she agrees. i want another opinon. one that answers my questions more specifically
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello,Customer

I understand your mixed emotions regarding this man, right now, because he is sending mixed signals. Although you know he is a womanizer, it's possible that he left his number on your windshield because he wanted to reconnect with you, and still does have feelings for you.

Some men are just like this, and can't help themselves; they *may* or may not be aware that they are being hurtful to those who care for them, but they just can't help repeating the same behavior over and over again. If he has a reputation as a womanizer, he probably has a fear of commitment and doesn't feel secure in being in only one relationship with one woman. BUT, there must be something about you that is still in his mind, after all these years, which made him want to see you again.

While it's common for a man like this to find it difficult to change his ways or old habits, there's always hope that he might stay with one woman and that one woman may be you. If you can have a serious discussion with him and ask him, 'why all the women, all the time? wouldn't you like the security of knowing that there's one woman waiting for you to receive all the love you have to give, and to get this love back, in return?' See what he has to say. He may open up to you and you will gain more insight into why he behaves the way he does, and you can help him become a one woman man.

When he took that phone call from the other girl while he was with you, it could have been for various reasons. He could have been testing you to see how you would react and maybe you WOULD tell him your true feelings for him, and that's what he was looking for. I think he sounds insecure and needs/wants to know that you do care for him. I think he may act like there might not be a next time, because he knows HIMSELF, and knows he has trouble committing to one woman or one relationship at a time. I think he needs YOU to show how much you care and this might help him get over his insecurity. Men who act like this may have been badly hurt emotionally, by a woman, early on in their dating experience, and he may have developed a mistrust for women, due to that. He may feel that HE wants to make it seem like he doesn't care, when he truly does, to 'protect' himself and not allow his feelings to lead him into being hurt again.

Try discussing how you feel about each other and why, and if you put no pressure on him, but tell him you truly care about how he feels, he may open up to you, and this would help you understand more about him.

I hope things work out the way you want them to, and please let me know your thoughts and if you would like to discuss this further.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
he took the phone call because and told him i was going out on the porch for a smoke and to go ahead and anwser it since it was killing the mood. he told me what he told her . YOU MENTIONED TELLING HIM HOW I FEEL but discussing how i feel is a big mistake because every time i let him know i really enjoyed his company he acts as if i am some love sick teenager that will start to stalk him but he knows better iv'e never been one to call him often or ask him why he hasn't called in so long. I tried from the beginning to let him know i am content with just being lovers. I am also 3 to 4 years older than him. After 2 years of not seeing him i told him i have not been with anyone else and showed him during our love session just how much i missed him . he asked ME why i told him about how dangerous it is these days to do one night stands he agreed than i told him that there was a good looking trainer at my gym and he said shut up just shut up. but after this 3rd time we made love after our seperation for 2 years . KEEP IN MIND this was the same night i told him to answer the call . WHAT BOTHERED ME WAS After we finished having mind blowing sex he starts talking about her and tells me he's getting tired of f**king her and asks me why love making becomes stagnant ? i did not reply and he then starts to talk about how good he f**ks her i couldn;t believe it i asked him if he had to talk out loud Because i certainly did not want to hear it and he says he always talks out loud i said it seems like you have feeling for this other woman he said i do not have feeling for aNYONE I 'M A TRUE TEXAN" PLEASE' ANYHOW I ASKED HOW LONG HE HAS BEEN SEEING HER HE SAID ALITTLE OVER A MONTH. DON'T GET ME WRONG I HAVE TALKED ABOUT MY SEX WITH OTHER MEN TO HIM BEFORE I AM NO SAINT BY ALL MEANS. HOWEVER WHEN I WAS READY TO LEAVE HE SEEMED ANGRY AND I HAVE KNOW IDEA WHY I KNOW HE DID NOT WANT ME TO STAY THE WHOLE NIGHT I THINK EITHER HE WANTED ME TO BECOME JEALOUS SO HE COULD TREAT ME LIKE A LOVESICK TEENAGER AND END IT WITH ME OR HE'S ANGRY THAT I WOULDN'T SHOW MY TRUE EMOTIONS WITH HIM OR HE SENSED I WAS MAD AND THAT MADE HIM MAD. HE;'S BEEN MARRIED BEFORE AND HE'S ALSO STATED HOW HIS PARENTS ARE MISERABLE IN THEIR MARRIAGE AND HE'S COME RIGHT OUT AND TOLD ME HE'S A WOMANIZER BUT WHY HAS HE BEEN SO HONEST WITH ME ??? IS IT BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE CAN;T PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES AND I WAS FINE WITH JUST BEING LOVERS OR DOES HE JUST COMPLETELY LACK RESPECT ?
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with additional information.

I think he's being honest with you because, no matter what he says or what 'bravado' he tries to show (like he has no feelings?) he DOES have feelings for you, but will not admit it.

It's very 'telling' that he was in a marriage that did not succeed, and he talks about how his parents are miserable. I knew there had to be some sort of happenings in his past, that put him off commitment.

Some men like to talk about their sexual experiences with other women, thinking it will either a) turn you on b) turn THEM on c) make you jealous, or d) make them feel like a 'big', important man who is just having sex with other women because he's SO desirable and good at it! Don't fall for that strategy! I'm glad you told him you don't want to hear about it, but perhaps, if he does this again, just ignore it. Some men also like to hear of the woman's 'other' sexual experiences. It turns them on to hear what other men might have done with you while making love. You can put the shoe on the other foot and start telling him how great it was, when another man did this and that. See his reaction. I have a feeling he might not be pleased. Then again, as I mentioned, even if he didn't ask, it *might* turn him on!

I agree completely, now that you've given me more insight into how he is, that you shouldn't discuss feelings....he wants to have casual sex and no 'attachments', BUT, and this is a big BUT, why did he contact you by leaving his phone number, out of the blue? He likes you and and likes how you make him feel when you're with him, but he will never admit to this. If, as you said, you don't mind being just lovers, go for it, and enjoy the heck out of it!

I think he acted angry when you didn't stay, because he probably wanted you to stay but "BIG TEXAN MAN--I HAVE NO FEELINGS" couldn't bring himself to say it! You're a mystery to him...you're NOT acting like a lovesick teenager and it's bugging the heck out of him, but you do seem 'interested' in being with him again. That's good. He can't figure you out! While I do think it was disrespectful to answer the phone and talk about this woman to you, he's not even thinking about it. It seems that very little of what he does, is 'premeditated'. He just does things without much thought, and that can seem hurtful, but I don't think he does it on purpose. It's the 'persona' he's adopted, and he probably thinks it makes him desirable to women. This 'I don't care' attitude, as I mentioned before, is a 'wall' he's putting up, so he can't be hurt. He does fear being hurt by a woman that [gasp] he might actually care for.

So, how did you leave it? When was your night of passion and have you heard from him or seen him, since?

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
he has told me that he loves how i take care of him or how i make him feel can't remember his exact words. but he did want me to leave THAT NIGHT because he said he did not want this other girl finding out and that he likes to be spoiled. what do you think he meant by that ???/ that was the last night. before that 3 weeks went by and i was the one to call him. i have a feeling I'LL be the one caving in again if he doesn;t call me By the end of may . did i mention i met him on my b-day which is the 29th OF MAYso this would be an anniversy of when we met but if i used that as a reason to want to see him again he may act like i am that love sick teenager again.So i thought i would just call him since it does land on a fri or sat this year and see if we hook up then before i leave mention it is the day i met him 4 years ago and see his reaction at that moment . what do you think ???? BY THE WAY YOU HAVE THE BEST FEED BACK BUT I WOULD LIKE ONE MORE OPINON FROM A MALE JUST TO SEE IF FROM A MAN'S VIEW. THAN I WILL MAKE MY 15 DOLLAR COMMITMENT I DO ENJOY OR FEED BACK THE BEST SO FAR BUT I AM SURE YOU UNDERSTAND HOW I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR A MANS ANWSER
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello again, and thanks for your reply.

It's nice to know that you found my feedback helpful; thank you!

I didn't realize that he told you he likes to be spoiled. Maybe he meant that if the other girl found out you had been there, she would not want to see him anymore. He likes being 'spoiled' by more than one woman. It makes him feel desirable.

It would be alright to call him, if he doesn't call you, but yes, I agree, be careful with your words. He doesn't sound like the romantic type, so don't mention anything about your upcoming 'anniversary' or your birthday, but do suggest that you get together around that date or on that date, and then mention it 'matter of factly', when you're together. See how he reacts, and either go with it, or don't mention it again.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

CHER THANKS FOR EVERYTHING NOW I THINK I HAVE TO GET A MANS OPINON THAN I WILL MAKE THAT $15 PAYMENT. I AM NOT SURE HOW TO DO THIS IF I REJECT YOU SO I CAN GET A MANS OPINON AND THEN DECIDE AFTER TO GIVE YOU THE 15 DOLLARS HOW DO I GO ABOUT DOING THIS ? I WILL WAIT FOR YOUR RESPONSE BEFORE I REJECT YOU SO I CAN PAY THE RIGHT PERSON ONCE I GET A MANS OPINON ON THE MATTER. WAITING ....... FOR YOUR REPLY AND THANKS AGAIN

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and you're most welcome.

I understand the reason why you would like a man's opinion as well, but I'm not sure how you can do this either. I think we have one male relationship expert, but I'd have to check to see when he's online.

I hope you don't decide to reject my answer or opt me out, because the way the system works, if you do that, we won't be able to communicate any longer.

I'll check re: the male expert and let you know, okay? Thanks for your patience.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
OK I'LL WAIT BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW A/S/A/P
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello again,

I've sent a note to our male Relationship expert, and hopefully, you'll hear from him, soon.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18675
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
OK
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Cher asked me if I would step in and give you my views on the subject. I would be more then happy to assist you, though I do ask that you accept her answer instead of opting her out as she has invested quite bit of time and energy in your question (And she is a great expert!)

 

If you can answer a couple questions for me so I can get a better understanding of your situation that would be helpful. Please be as honest as you can, I will promise you that I will not pull any punches and will give you honest feedback on your situation. I will never tell you what you want to hear just to please you, I will give you honest feedback to use as you see fit. I do have to leave for work in a few minutes, so I may not be able to reply when you come back online. If this is the case I will prepare a answer for you and get it to you first thing in the morning.

 

1) How do you feel about him? (Are you OK with just being some one he "hooks up" with or are you thinking this may turn into something more)

 

2) Am I correct in assuming that at the beginning you did express to him that you were OK with it being like this......not looking for commitment?

 

3) Why did he leave in the first place, was their a argument or did he simply stop showing up?

 

4) Where do you want to see this go....are you looking for commitment now or in the future?

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I DO FEEL AT TIMES THAT I MAY BE IN LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THE CONNECTION OF CHEMISTRY WE SHARE. HE DID ASK ME TO BE HIS GIRL ONCE BEFORE BUT LETTING ME KNOW THERE WOULD BE OTHER RELATIONS HE'S QUITE STUCK ON HIMSELF HOWEVER I REPLIED WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND THAT ENDED THE CONVERSATION . IT POSSIBLE I COULD GET HIM THAT INTERESTED IN ME AGAIN IT WOULD BE NICE TO TURN THE TABLES ON HIM WHO KNOWS IT COULD TURN INTO SOMETHING ?

YES IN THE BEGINING I WAS OK WITH JUST BEING LOVERS AS I HAVE A TRUST ISSUE WITH MEN SO YES YES YES

HE FOUND ANOTHER GIRL THAT WAS MORE EXCITING SINCE IT WAS NEW FOR HIM WE STILL SPOKE ON RARE OCCASSIONS BUT HE ALWAYS KEPT A DISTANCE IN THE BEGINING HE SAID THINGS WERE MOVING TO FAST FOR HIM THEN HE TOLD ME HE FELT LIKE YELLING AT ME AS IF I WAS HIS 15 YEAR OLD WIFE THAN HE MOVED I HOUR AWAY

IN THE FUTURE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIS TRUE FEELINGS IF HE EVEN HAS ANY. HE ALSO SHOWED ME SOME HAND CUFFS WE USED IN THE BEGINING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP THEY WERE IN HIS CLOSET WITH COBB WEBS GROWING ON THEM HE SAID REMEMBER THAN HE SAID I NEED TO THROW THEM AWAY BUT I AM ALMOST SURE HE TUCKED THEM AWAY IN HIS CLOSET AS IF HE WAS KEEPING A MEMORY OF US DON'T YOU THINK? WE HAVE LOTS OF MEMORIES I KNOW HE WON'T FORGET IT'S SPECIAL WHAT WE HAVE BUT HE'S ALWAYS PUSHING ME TO SEE HOW MUCH OF HIS BULLSHIT I WILL TAKE WHY? IF HE DOES NOT WANT ME WHY ARE WE STILL CONNECTED STILL IN CONTACT STILL HAVE EACH OTHERS PHONE NUMBERS STILL HAVING SEX EVEN THOUGH IT NOT AS OFTEN AS I WOULD LIKE BUT HE DOES LIVE FAR AWAY HE MOVED BY THE WAY TO BE CLOSER TO HIS SON

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thanks i'll wait to hear back and it would be great to hear your honest opinon
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions