It's seems like this leopard didn't change his spots and he is the same guy that used you for both money and sex before. If he is talking to other women then it's best that you don't get your feeling involved because they will only get hurt again. Even if he was trying to get you to tell him how you feel that was disrespectful for him to do it that way if he truly respects and cares about you he wouldn't treat you this way. He would not have come back if you hadn't opened the door for him to come back. He may have gotten a hold of you because he knew how you were from before it was easy for him and he thought you may be the same person as before and even though your feelings are genuine for him I don't think he has noble intention when it comes to a relationship with you. Your last statement was dead on he is a "JERK" and isn't going to change any time soon and you have to make up your mind that you deserve better and want better for yourself, if you know he is a womanizer then allow those other women to put up with his behavior he will realize what he had in you and then it will be too late. Don't waste anymore of your time on this guy he has not shown that he deserve it and really hasn't worked towards showing you his true feelings and treating you like a true princess. Find someone that will respect you both as a person and as a lover.
CHER THANKS FOR EVERYTHING NOW I THINK I HAVE TO GET A MANS OPINON THAN I WILL MAKE THAT $15 PAYMENT. I AM NOT SURE HOW TO DO THIS IF I REJECT YOU SO I CAN GET A MANS OPINON AND THEN DECIDE AFTER TO GIVE YOU THE 15 DOLLARS HOW DO I GO ABOUT DOING THIS ? I WILL WAIT FOR YOUR RESPONSE BEFORE I REJECT YOU SO I CAN PAY THE RIGHT PERSON ONCE I GET A MANS OPINON ON THE MATTER. WAITING ....... FOR YOUR REPLY AND THANKS AGAIN
Cher asked me if I would step in and give you my views on the subject. I would be more then happy to assist you, though I do ask that you accept her answer instead of opting her out as she has invested quite bit of time and energy in your question (And she is a great expert!)
If you can answer a couple questions for me so I can get a better understanding of your situation that would be helpful. Please be as honest as you can, I will promise you that I will not pull any punches and will give you honest feedback on your situation. I will never tell you what you want to hear just to please you, I will give you honest feedback to use as you see fit. I do have to leave for work in a few minutes, so I may not be able to reply when you come back online. If this is the case I will prepare a answer for you and get it to you first thing in the morning.
1) How do you feel about him? (Are you OK with just being some one he "hooks up" with or are you thinking this may turn into something more)
2) Am I correct in assuming that at the beginning you did express to him that you were OK with it being like this......not looking for commitment?
3) Why did he leave in the first place, was their a argument or did he simply stop showing up?
4) Where do you want to see this go....are you looking for commitment now or in the future?
I DO FEEL AT TIMES THAT I MAY BE IN LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THE CONNECTION OF CHEMISTRY WE SHARE. HE DID ASK ME TO BE HIS GIRL ONCE BEFORE BUT LETTING ME KNOW THERE WOULD BE OTHER RELATIONS HE'S QUITE STUCK ON HIMSELF HOWEVER I REPLIED WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND THAT ENDED THE CONVERSATION . IT POSSIBLE I COULD GET HIM THAT INTERESTED IN ME AGAIN IT WOULD BE NICE TO TURN THE TABLES ON HIM WHO KNOWS IT COULD TURN INTO SOMETHING ?
YES IN THE BEGINING I WAS OK WITH JUST BEING LOVERS AS I HAVE A TRUST ISSUE WITH MEN SO YES YES YES
HE FOUND ANOTHER GIRL THAT WAS MORE EXCITING SINCE IT WAS NEW FOR HIM WE STILL SPOKE ON RARE OCCASSIONS BUT HE ALWAYS KEPT A DISTANCE IN THE BEGINING HE SAID THINGS WERE MOVING TO FAST FOR HIM THEN HE TOLD ME HE FELT LIKE YELLING AT ME AS IF I WAS HIS 15 YEAR OLD WIFE THAN HE MOVED I HOUR AWAY
IN THE FUTURE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIS TRUE FEELINGS IF HE EVEN HAS ANY. HE ALSO SHOWED ME SOME HAND CUFFS WE USED IN THE BEGINING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP THEY WERE IN HIS CLOSET WITH COBB WEBS GROWING ON THEM HE SAID REMEMBER THAN HE SAID I NEED TO THROW THEM AWAY BUT I AM ALMOST SURE HE TUCKED THEM AWAY IN HIS CLOSET AS IF HE WAS KEEPING A MEMORY OF US DON'T YOU THINK? WE HAVE LOTS OF MEMORIES I KNOW HE WON'T FORGET IT'S SPECIAL WHAT WE HAVE BUT HE'S ALWAYS PUSHING ME TO SEE HOW MUCH OF HIS BULLSHIT I WILL TAKE WHY? IF HE DOES NOT WANT ME WHY ARE WE STILL CONNECTED STILL IN CONTACT STILL HAVE EACH OTHERS PHONE NUMBERS STILL HAVING SEX EVEN THOUGH IT NOT AS OFTEN AS I WOULD LIKE BUT HE DOES LIVE FAR AWAY HE MOVED BY THE WAY TO BE CLOSER TO HIS SON
Thanks for the additional information, as I said in my original post I will not tell you what you want to hear.....I will tell you the truth and you can do with it what you will. Sometimes we do not like the truth, but its the truth that you need in order to choose a path you want to be on.
I am sure I am not the first person who has ever told you this relationship is dysfunctional........its obvious from some of his actions that he does care for you, but how much and in what way is the real question.
It sounds like you gave him a good impression that this was a sexual relationship only, and he in turn agreed and accepted that the same as you did. The problem with this is neither of your hearts understand what a pure sexual relationship is and they are going about their normal job of creating attraction, friendship and even love.
Things got deep the last time you were together and he got real scared real quick. His comments about making you his girl was likely him feeling you out to see how you felt about him.......when you made your comment "What makes you think I want to be your girlfriend" you not only shut that door, you slammed it back in his face. Men do not handle rejection well. And while he may be a womanizer and in the beginning he may have wanted only sex it sounds like at that point he may have wanted something more, but the strong rejection you sent (I know this isn't what you meant) did bother him. Rejection is very hard on guys, even more so then women. But to a guy like him rejection is the worst kind of pain because he has told himself that he does not need anyone, and yet when he broke away from his comfort zone he got slammed. Thus strengthening his determination to never trust in a women.
The good news is he did come back..........which means there is something there that he simply can not let go of. His actions and some of the things he has said tell me he is working very hard to wrap himself into a shell hard enough that he can not fall into feelings again.
As for talking about the other women, the reason is pretty easy to see. He is doing this to show you that he is good with this relationship with you and in no way interested in making you "His girl" again. He is doing this to make sure you know......in his way of thinking the last time he wanted only you, things went bad so if he sticks to his routine it should work out fine. The last thing he wants is for you to think he cares....because that would make him interested in making you "his girl".............at which time you could reject him again.
The things he says about you being a "love sick teenager" is his way of pushing you back in the place that he feels comfortable with. Love and relationships scare him for some reason and commitment is like a prison term in his mind. From his comments I think he does not really believe in love and thinks it is just a feeling one gets that soon fades away.
Men who have parents who stick it out, yet are unhappy tend to have these insecurities the most. Children are very influenced by the relationship of parents and close friends and if all he saw as a child was two unhappy people then it would be natural for him to fear any kind of commitment that would cause him to end up in a relationship that would in his eyes inevitable ruin his life.
I would love to be able to tell you that with hard work and communication this will work out. But as I said in the beginning I will not pull any punches or lie to you to make you happy. He has some serious insecurities and problems and while a good women could cause him to change........the reality is he must want to make that change first. He must be willing to seek out help and want it enough to work on it. The way your relationship is now, talking to him about it would likely cause conflict.
With that being said I would strongly suggest you sit down and think about what you really want.
Are you prepared to stick this out and try over time to change him?
Are you willing to invest the time knowing your chances are not good if he does not want to change?
Are you going to be able to accept that he will be with other women while you try and work on this?
In the end, even if you can get a long term commitment from him.......will you ever be able to fully trust him? Trust is a big part of any relationship, are you prepared to trust him forever?
And what do you really want out of life, do you want to continue to try and work on something that may never work out. Or are you ready to seek out and find a strong independent man that wants a mature adult relationship?
Those are questions you must ask yourself and be honest with yourself about. I can not tell you what to do........and even if I did it would still be your choice to follow the path you want to be on. The reality is you must sit down and decide what you want and then go for it. If he is the one, then far be it from me or anyone else to stand in your way. But if you look down deep in yourself and find that he isn't the one then now is the time to move on.