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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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We broke up, my views on the relationships have changed. And

Customer Question

We broke up, my views on the relationships have changed. And I want to make things better. How much time should I give my guy space for before I tell him my plan for working things out?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long did you date?

 

-Who broek up with whom?

 

-Why did you break up?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am turning 21. He is 23. We've been dating for almost three years. We both decided after a last fight that it would be best to stay apart. But he is being strong and holding his ground while I am finding it difficult. We broke up because often argue about stuff. But after a week, I want to be strong and show him we can fix it because all we have to do is talk about it. We both love each other but is it enough. Although I agreed at first that it was enough between us, I believe we are capable of great things. So I don't know whether it would be better for me to just give up, or if I should keep fighting. For that, I would need ways to have him stay in on this with me without making him run away.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You cannot really make him do something he doesn't want to do, he has to be on board as far as wanting to try the relationship again but he may just want some time and if that is the case then you will have to give him that time but you also have to tell him that you want to see if the two of you can work things out and if he says no then that is your answer but if he seems unsure then you may have a chance but you are going to have to show him that you have changed in order for him to even consider giving the relationship another chance. If you were arguing too much then he may be afraid that it will be the same thing all over again if he were to come back. If you can show him that you want to be able to communicate better then maybe he will see that things could be different and may be apt to give you another chance. I would first tell him your plan about working things out and then if he wants it give him the space and give him food for thought at the same time so that he can at least think things over but your plan has to include how the two of you can get past the arguing and fight you did in the past and then allow the past to be in the past and not look back.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I just don't want to be the girl who is looked at as being with the wrong guy. I am wondering if my instinct of fighting for this may be the right or wrong thing to do. Is it worth it, or should I just stop trying?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Only you will know if it is worth it or not but if you have that feeling of wanting to fight for him then do that but after you have given him some time to think about things and evaluate the relationship. You also have to be willing to find closure within the relationship if he decides he doesn't want the relationship anymore. If you feel the relationship is worth fighting for then don't live with the regret of not fighting for your relationship when you wanted to fight.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hey I have another question. Thank you for your help by the way.. I will make another payment after this question, I promise.
They update is that I've finally said goodbye to this guy because I can't keep being hurt by him. And he was open to taking things slow. But today, I was telling him I want to see him since it's been over a week now we have seen each other...and he says he smiles when I say that because he knows he's free and that's what he wanted out of. So I told him I was done waiting for him because that for me was proof that he is not understanding the way I would need him to be.
Anyways, thing is now that I live in a studio apartment and I am the type who needs to be settled. Feel comfortable with my living situation and I don't right now. So I'm trying to figure out, having switched jobs and stuff, if it would be more fortunate for me to move back home or to tough it out and me staying the way I am will be more fortunate for me.
My job back home is saying I can come back. But it has to be like now. And the job I have now is the same, but in the bigger city, where I moved to be with my bf and settle here. Doesn't seem like that will be happening anymore. Don't get me wrong. I have a good group of friends and all but Im not sure if I should though it out, pay my bills and everything will turn out ok, or if I should move back in with my mom and be settled...
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I think it's up to you to decide what move will make you feel more comfortable and happy, if moving back home since your break up seems what will be good for you emotionally and financially then don't hesitate to do so but if you have a good job there and a place to stay maybe you could give it go there but since you moved there to be with your ex and the relationship did not work out it might be better to move to a more familiar surroundings that you know the people and have a job waiting for you but you have to make sure that the relationship is definitely over before making any major decisions.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Wow, that's what a big part of me figured as well, the only thing stopping me is that I moved to the bigger city because my hometown bored me to death and I needed a change. And I mean, I do have a good circle of friends here now and nothing is stopping me to make more. But I was also thinking since I'm more mature, I would know moving back home would be the right thing especially financially, but the other part of me says tough it out and just build your own life. You know what I mean? As far as the relationship, Im at the point where I want to think about me, and do things for me without having to justify my decisions..so if I move back, it's like his loss. Im not waiting anymore.
So I guess now, my only dilemma is do what's comfortable and go back home, or be strong, build a better life and keep moving forward... :S
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What would you do if you were me?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
True to think about. Thank you so much! It was great to get an outside point of you on this. Thank you so much. Take care Kimberly!
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You're Welcome and if you need my help again don't hesitate to ask for me.

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