How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Walter Your Own Question

Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
997364
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Walter is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am a 27 year old female. I am In a happy relationship with

Resolved Question:

I am a 27 year old female. I am In a happy relationship with my boyfriend of four and a half years.
Recently I was on the internet and found a guy who i dated thirteen years ago at school, we never did anything physical as we were both young and shy. I had to move away and i just left witout telling him, I don't really know why?
When we spoke on the net all these feelings started to come back for me and he felt the same.
He still lives where we went to school so i arranged to meet up with him and some old school friends. his girlfriend just broke up with him before we met so when we met and realized we still had strong feelings for each other we ended up kissing.
We text after this and were both upset and felt guilty. he is now back with his girlfriend. I think to take his mind off me. I cant stop thinking about him, should i tell him or just leave it? I feel like if i dont i will regret it forever. wwe are ment to be meeting next month with other friends.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

How do you feel about your current boyfriend? (Are you still in love with him)

 

If you tell your ex how you feel are you prepared for all the changes that will force such as:

 

  • Are you moving back home, or is he moving to you
  • Are you ready to end things with your boyfriend
  • Are you sure this is real feelings and not just old memory's

How is your relationship with your boyfriend now?

 

Any children involved?

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I do still love my boyfriend and don't think I want to end it.

I don't know if these feelings are just memories but i don't think they are as I am going on who he is as a person now.

the other guy knows how i feel but wont do anything now as we are both in relationships.

I wanted to get to know him more before making a choice but I think it is not fair on him and my boyfriend.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I do still love my boyfriend and don't think I want to end it.

I don't know if these feelings are just memories but i don't think they are as I am going on who he is as a person now.

the other guy knows how i feel but wont do anything now as we are both in relationships.

I wanted to get to know him more before making a choice but I think it is not fair on him and my boyfriend.

 

there are no children involved.

Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Well the fact remains that this is a serious situation, and your comment: I wanted to get to know him more before making a choice but I think it is not fair on him and my boyfriend. Sums it up completely. The reality is it is not fair to your boyfriend for you to pursue this and get to know this other guy while still being with him.

 

I can understand and sympathize that you think you care for the ex and want to see where it goes. But it can not go anywhere as long as you both are in a relationship. Even if you could get to know him, while still being with your boyfriend it would not be a real evaluation since it would be clouded with guilt both of you would be feeling. The only way to really know is to end it with your boyfriend and then get to know your ex, otherwise all you will get to know is how it feels to cheat.

 

I know this is a difficult situation, and one you must make for yourself. I can not tell you what is the best route for you......I can only advise you to not disrespect your boyfriend or yourself by allowing this to continue.

 

You have two choices at this point. The first is to tell the ex how you feel and both of you end your relationships. The other is to take a step back and end this with your ex and move on with your boyfriend. You can not continue to talk with your ex while being with your boyfriend.........it simply is not fair to him or yourself.

 

If you decide to stay with your boyfriend you have to end contact with your ex. The reality is it is not fair to continue to talk with your ex when you are both in a relationship. He has a girlfriend and as such you must respect her and him by allowing them their own chance. This isn't about just you, or even him.......this is about all 4 of you. Your actions today can hurt 4 different people including yourself. I would strongly recommend that you sit down and do some serious thinking about what you really want. If your ex is that important to you, then far be it from me or anyone else to stand in the way of true love. But before you cross that bridge and burn it make sure this is what you really want. Love is about taking chances.........and the fact is you do not know your ex. Are you prepared to leave the one your with now for a chance?

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Walter and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions