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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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I recently contacted my ex-boyfriend on a social Internet site.

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I recently contacted my ex-boyfriend on a social Internet site. We dated 12 years ago for approximately 5 years. Our relationship ended when he moved across the country to pursue his degree. Although, my ex and I loved each other immensely, the long distant relationship left me feeling lonely. Eventually, I cheated while he was waiting for me to move in with him. I ended our relationship and married my husband now (10 years). However, my ex and I have kept in contact periodically throughout the years.
My ex just recently got married and still lives across the country. A couple months ago, we started emailing and calling each other on a weekly basis. At first we talked about old times, occasionally we will talk about our lives now but for the most part, we stay in the past. Our phone conversation, on an average, last about an hour or two. He knows that I still have love for him and at times he gives me the impression the feeling is mutual. We both have stated that we do not want to have an affair because we are both married.
My question is if he says he wants me to be just friends, but I feel it something else (I’m not sure) how do handle this rekindled “friendship”?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You will have to set boundaries for yourself and not cross those boundaries. For example, keep your conversation at a point where if either of your mates heard it they would not be worried about you having an affair. You can be his shoulder to cry on and vice versa but you must not cross that line. If you cannot stick to those boundaries then I suggest that friends would not be the best thing for you. You can set the boundaries together or separately but make sure they are boundaries that won't go against the vows you took with your mate if that is truly what you want to do. If you decide to be together it has to be when both of you are single and have found closure in your marriages if you don't do it the right way then you relationship will be built on deceit and dishonesty. It's not going to be easy to think of him all the time as only a friend but with time it will get easier and you have to also ask yourself "Would I want anyone to deceive me or lie to me?" This will hopefully keep you from crossing any of the boundaries.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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