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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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I am engaged to an older man. He is still very into nightlife.

Resolved Question:

I am engaged to an older man. He is still very into nightlife. He is also a partner in a nightclub. We always argue about clubbing to a point where he now blames me for the business losing money because he is never there.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-How long have you been together?


-Are you getting married anytime soon?


-Often was he working that it upset you?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.




Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I am 31 years old and he is 55. We've been together for 4 years and we'll be getting married on the 5th of December 2009. When we usually have this argument he had a couple of drinks. We are both very successfull business people and run our own business'. We both love clubbing and the night life but I feel that we are entering a next level of our relationship and that should take a backseat to what we are planning for our future. I have spoken to him about it and then he would be quiet for a couple of months and then just one night he would go out and start to pick a fight with me about it. That is basically our only quarell that we have. I love him very much but I can't tolerate arguing about a nightclub.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


What your going to have to do is come up with a compromise and since the nightclub is his business , maybe you could compromise that he go to the nightclub to do his business but try not to drink. He is a little more set in his ways because of his age and he is use to being hands on at his club what he needs to do is find someone reliable that can run the business as successfully as he has so that he doesn't have to be there as much and then business can still thrive. He could put an ad in the paper and check on the person he wants credentials to make sure they will be good for the job that he has been doing but you have to be understanding that this is his business and it being successful is very important to him as it should be to you because this will be part of your livelihood when you get married that is what I meant by compromise. He can very easily work at his club without feeling the need to drink and if he finds someone that is a people person and can get people to come in the club possibly younger crowd that likes to spend money he can run a successful business without having to be there. As far as your relationship is concerned with any relationship you have to communicate how you feel and compromise when needed.


You have to let him know that this is really bothering you and all you are asking is for him to not go clubbing so much and tell him that when you get married it means you settle down and don't do alot of things that you did when you were single or dating but that doesn't mean that you cannot go out as a couple to the nightclub every once in a while you don't want to become an old couple that stays home that is the quickest way for a relationship to go stale and get old and boring. Compromise and allow him to be at the club at least until he can afford to get someone else to run the club and then after he hires someone allow him to be there several times a week just to make sure everything is being done right or when he is needed or even for the two of you to go out together and this way he can still make sure the club is being ran the way he wants it to be. He is a business man and most business men spend alot of time making sure their business is prospering. If things get too bad maybe you should consider trying couples counseling they can help him see that this is really bothering you and hurting your relationship but I would try the compromise first and run it by him about hiring someone else to run the business.

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