Thanks again for your help. I talked to my husband about getting counseling and he agreed to go alone as long as it was a christian counselor. When I asked him what he would say the problem is to a counselor at first he said he doesn't know. I pressed him because I told him I really would like things to change and there is a problem but nothing will change if he doesn't see a problem. He said that he is afraid of God and afraid to let go and let God mold him. (We are Christians btw, we met at church). I said I don't understand how that is relevant to the problems. He said that he is afraid that when God molds him he will take away all the blessings in his life and that it will hurt more than he can handle and he can't let that happen. I responded that I can understand that but often if we constantly obsess over our fears and what could happen the events naturally occur like that, instead he should try to focus on what he wants to happen and do things that would encourage our lives to head in that direction. That made sense to him but it didn't seem to change the way he feels and how hard it is to let go of his fears. I told him that I love him very very much and in many ways he is a great husband but he pushes me farther away when he gets too overprotective and locks me away as if I'm in prison. He told me he doesn't mean to push me away. I also said that God is not just a God of wrath. He said he believes that in the long term no matter how God molds him it will be for his own good but he is still afraid because it is painful to let God mold him. He said he just can't let go. He said that he would go to counseling if I find a good christian counselor but he didn't want to talk about it anymore.
So I have been making an effort lately to call him(I already do several times a day) but he seems to need to know that he makes me happy so I have gone out of my way to make sure he knows that in many ways he makes me happy and that I will not leave him.
I have to admit I love everything about him except how insecure he is! It drives me crazy! Do you think besides just living my own life, making sure to call him and say positive things to him when we are apart, and encouraging him to get counseling, that there is anything else I can do for him? Btw he is a person with many fears such as spiders, bugs, roaches, getting cancer, the world coming to an end, his parents dying, going through pain, but most of all of something bad happening to me. Sometimes it can be a good thing because he is very very cautious and it prevents some unnecessary bad things from happening (such as always making sure everyone wears their seatbeat when they are in the car, checking twice to make sure all the appliances are turned off and unplugged everytime he leaves the house, etc.) It just seems like our lives revolve around his fears. From things his parents have said it seems like he has always been this way so I am not expecting any easy answers. I would just love it if I could receive some tips to help him relax (he is always as tense as a rock). Oh and I already give him daily massages because he needs them! So again if you have any more advice for me or my husband I would greatly appreciate it (and I'm willing to pay lol). I guess I will look into counselors for him to go to in the meantime. Thanks again.