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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21207
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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How long should someone wait to propose after his long term

Customer Question

How long should someone wait to propose after his long term girlfriend just got engaged? The proposal was in the works, but the friend's boyfriend proposed out of the blue. Is there a "designated" waiting time?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi,

Let me see if I understand the question; your (I assume) current boyfriend had a long term girlfriend who just became engaged to another man, and do your boyfriend and you want to become engaged, now?

Thanks for your additional detail.

Cher
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you for responding. I didn't know how much to type the first time. My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years - we're high school sweethearts. We've known we wanted to be married someday, but were waiting for the right time to become engaged. I knew it was going to be sometime this spring. My roommate/best friend has dated someone for about 2 years. We had a feeling that this couple was planning marriage, too, but due to my roommate preparing for education/graduation from a long term educational program, etc, that it wouldn't be until summer at least. My friend got engaged last weekend out of the blue - she was really surprised herself. I'm thrilled for her, and even though a part of me thought that I should have been "first", I truly have no bitter feelings anymore. I told my boyfriend, and although we were both ecstatic for them, he seemed disappointed and kind of hinted that his planned proposal for us was, well, soon - as in a few days soon. He felt strange and a bit sad that my friend's boyfriend had "beat him" to it, in a way, since we have dated so much longer. It's so ironic that after being a bit upset initially, all I can do it laugh. We agreed (my boyfriend and I) to definitely wait before we do anything - this is her moment and I don't want to in any way steal her thunder. Unfortunately, now that the wedding is in the works she's having some issues with her future mother in law and some other people connected to her fiance...it's upsetting to see her so happy last week and now things are just not working well.
My big question (and my boyfriend's question) is how long to "wait" before we do anything without it being way too coincidental and most importantly so we don't "steal" their special moment. We're thinking at least a month....but any objective insight is appreciated! Thank you!
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and you're most welcome.

Thanks very much for your additional and detailed information about your situation.

I agree with you, that a month would be a respectable time to wait before announcing your own engagement; however, if the time is right and your boyfriend wants to propose, why shouldn't you also enjoy the happiness of your own engagement. It's not uncommon for close friends to become engaged around the same time, and as long as your prospective wedding dates do not interfere with each other, there's nothing wrong with it.

If you feel it might overshadow her happiness and want to be a good friend and wait a few weeks, so be it. That would be a very noble and considerate thing to do.

I wish you much future happiness!

Cher

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