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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I met this guy about seven years ago. We have always had a

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I met this guy about seven years ago. We have always had a connection. I got married and kept in contact with him as friends. I got divorced and called him up. He was engaged at this time. He told me that he's always had feelings for me and that to this day he has regretted not pursuing me. We ended up having a night together and in the end he went on to marry his wife. Six months later, I called him because I realized that I missed him and that I really cared about him. He says he misses me and that I make him happy. He regrets marrying his wife and said that it was expected since they were together for so long. Basically he settled. They have only been married for six months and they have intimacy and communication issues. I told him that he had to choose because I refuse to be the other woman. Despite his unhappiness, he choose her. I don't think their marriage will last long unless they seek help. Why doesn't he want to be with me if he's unhappily married?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I just got your question and I ask that you be patient while I read your question and give you the best answer possible. Thank you in advance.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You are right to tell him you will not be the other woman because if he feels he can get away with it he will always treat you as the other woman or second best. What he has to do is to go get counseling if that is what he feels he should do but you should cease all communication until he makes up his mind whether it's his marriage or you. You don't want to win by default, you want him to come to you because he truly wants to be with you and not because his marriage didn't work. You also have to know that you deserve someone that will give you all of his heart and not part of it. He is confused and wants you to continue to wait for him and you have to make up your mind that you had enough of waiting and want better for yourself. I don't think you should contact him until he is legally divorced and a single and available man that is the only way you can have a healthy relationship is if you do this the right way. As long as he knows you are waiting for him he will not make that final choice, if you show him that you will no longer wait he may make the decision on his own to leave his wife but that isn't gauranteed.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Do you think he will contact me again? If so, do I continue to answer with the same response I gave him before? He actually had his best friend call me to try to get me to go out with him. I knew it was a game, but I told his friend that I wasn't interested. Why would he play that game with me? I obviously didn't go for it and he should be positive of my feelings for him. I'm definitely not going to contact him anymore, but I'm just wondering if he's going to try to pop back into my life down the road. I can't help how I feel about him...and that worries me if I meet someone else.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Yes stand your ground until he makes up his mind on his own not when you give him ultimatums to make a choice. If he thinks that he will lose you he may be pressured to do something or lose a good thing. He will continue to see how far he can get with you so it's up to you to make up your mind to not allow him to enter and leave whenever he wants to.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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