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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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I am 51 he is 35, he is trying to date me but I have not told him my age. Should I tell h

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Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

-Do you like him?


-Do you look your age?


-Do you think you telling him your age will make him not want to date you?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I like him a lot. We have never been out so this is purely a mental connection.

The truth is I do not look my age and could pass for 35? 37? at a push.

I think telling him my age could be awkward, as it seems so old. He is single and have no children, so I am afraid there wouldn't be much future.

The truth is maybe he knows, because we are in the workplace, and people tend to know these things.

I don't want to lose him or be pushed off as an older woman. Yet I don't want to deceive him.

I suppose that I am hoping that he knows, but doesn't care.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


He may know already because guys tend to ask alot of questions about someone they are interested just to get to know them better so he may have asked people you work with already. In this situation honesty is the best policy because what if you both hit it off and end up dating and later down the line get engaged he may be thinking you can give him children and that can ruin the relationship if you lie to him about your age this way everything will be on the table and you are giving him that option to date any older woman or sick to women his age. He may not even care about your age at all and may not want children so this could also be perfect for him he gets a more mature woman and doesn't have to worry about any unwanted pregnancies. I say tell him and if he gets weirded out by it then maybe it wasn't best to date him anyway.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Thanks Kimberly Ann. I am am very inhibited about disclosing my age in general, as I see how people get stereotyped.

Specific to this situation, he has never asked the question. I don't find it easy in this case to tell him. I think if he wanted to know he would ask. We are getting closer and closer as friends, and I am just afraid that one day, our friendship will become physical, which I would love dearly, but is that the time to tell him?

If he really likes me can everything be shattered by this? should I wait for him to ask?


Could a man of 35 really commit to a woman of 50? even if they look the same age ? and by the way, he only has older friends (male friends), and is very mature.

I am very troubled and don't want to lose him.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


Most men that do not want children tend to date older women because some younger women might try to trap them with a baby. I would not tell him unless he asks if he doesn't care enough to ask then go with the flow and if he asks just be honest it's better to tell him the truth now than for it be when you have been dating for years and then he has a problem with it. Just go as his pace and wait for him to ask you. Don't let the age thing hold you back from possible love connection.

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