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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I had been dating a man for 2 years when he broke up with me

Customer Question

I had been dating a man for 2 years when he broke up with me saying that he didn't like the road I was going down, as far as being complacent with where I was in life, I'm a single mother of 2 boys, starting school this fall and living with my mother. He felt as if I was being controlled by my mother (which I am) but until I finish school I really feel it's the best place for me right now. Anyway a month after breaking up with me he told me he made a mistake and misses me, so we are back together, the problem is he was seeing a girl he worked with while we were apart and so I asked him to tell her about us, he said he did but last night when he went to bed and I stayed up she sent him a message saying "I can bring you soup if you are still up, if not then I hope you feel better" (he's sick right now) He had cheated on me in the VERY beginning of our relationship so my trust level is down, I have this feeling I'm being played, how should I handle this?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

What is important for you to do first of all is to make sure that he is broken up with this current girlfriend before continuing on with him or else he will continue to see the both of you but if he did tell her he was seeing you, she may be just being friendly because she knows he is sick. Confront him about the text and the content of the text. If you do not put your foot down where this other woman is concerned he may think that he can have his cake and eat it too because you are busy with school and the fact you still live with your mother and are a single mother of two boys your time is pretty much consumed with other things in your life. When you decide to take him back you both have to let go of the past and look towards the future. Communication and telling him what you want and need from him is important during this time because you just got back together and are trying to see if you can make the relationship work so take time to get to know each other all over again and let go of the past, What he is going to have to do is make sure that he has told the other woman in no uncertain terms that he is back with you and wants to make the relationship work. If she is still contacting him he may not have told her that you are back together so make sure he does that before working on your relationship again.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm feeing quite anxious about bringing it up, I just know it's going to be turned around asking why I was reading his message. He isn't much of a talker either unless you really press him. I'm pretty sure I will get short unexplained responses which makes me even more insecure. I'm starting to lose hope but I don't want to, I want this to work more than anything.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

That is all the more reason to call him on the text and if he tries to turn on you tell him that he really needs to tie up his lose ends (the current woman) and that a relationship is built on trust and right now you're worried about whether he truly wants to be back with you or have his cake and eat it too. If you let it go he will continue to think he can get away with seeing you both if that is truly what is happening, He very well may have told her and she just cannot let go but you have to make sure which is the case before the two of you can truly work on your relationship. In order for the relationship to have a new start you have to work out the issues from the past and the present and work on the here and now. I say you talk to him and do not allow him to turn this on you and stand your ground.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you so much, Accepted.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You're Welcome and if you ever need my help again just let me know.

 

KimberlyF

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well, I brought it up and he said he still wanted to be friends with her, I told him that is not possible and I will never be comfortable with that. He said I'm not allowed to deligate who his friends are. So I told him it was her or me, he persisted that he would remain friends with her so I told him it was over.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
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