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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20863
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I know this might sound trival, but my boyfriend had a disagreement

Customer Question

I know this might sound trival, but my boyfriend had a disagreement the other night that ended up turning into a full-fledged argument. When he mentioned that he was going bowling with his brother, I responded when are we going to go bowling because my boyfriend and I have not been bowling since I was in college. Then he responds why didn't you say something. But I didn't because first, I felt that it was not my place to "invite" myself without being offered because I was considering his "time" with his brother. But he did not see things that way because of what he would have done in that situation. But I see things differently. How do I explain my side to him so that he understands me
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.

May I ask your ages?

How long have you been together?

Do you live together?

Do you feel that you do spend quality time together, doing activities you both enjoy, or do you feel he doesn't spend enough time with you, or enough time doing what you, personally, enjoy?

Thanks for all your additional detail.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
He's 27 and I am 30

We've been together 15 years

Yes, we live together.

Sometimes, I feel like we can't do alot together. He is into photography. I'm not so much. I like movies. He'll go to the movies once in awhile but only if it is something he can stay awake for. We both like to bowl, I just like to do it once in awhile. Not on an every week basis. But this was really a spat about the fact that I didn't feel comfortable with it being my boyfriend, me, my boyfriend's brother, and his brother's friends.
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with additional information.

It's fine for couples to have different interests and want to pursue them with other friends or family members, as long as you do things that you both enjoy, at other times. I understand you not feeling 'welcome' or comfortable, going bowling with him and his brother and his brother's friends. It was more like a 'boys night out' and you felt you might be intruding; but the 'hurt' you felt was due to the fact that he didn't even invite you, so you could decline. If you both like bowling and you like to go sometimes, but not on a steady basis, choose one day of the week or month, when you would like to go, and ask him to set it aside to be just the two of you. He can make advance arrangements with his brother, etc., to go on certain days, as long as he keeps a day or two open for you.

Doing things that one person likes better than the other, occasionally, is a 'trade-off', and is not uncommon. He should sit through a movie with you, and you can do something he likes, without complaining. Find things you both enjoy equally, and make it a point to start doing those things, if you don't, already, on a steady basis. If you're both busy with work, make 'dates' to do certain activities in advance, or be spontaneous on a weekend, which is always nice, too.

I wouldn't belabor the point, re: this recent bowling spat, just try to do things in the future that will avoid this type of conflict, as mentioned above.


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