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20+ years as a Therapist
20+ years as a Therapist, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 746
Experience:  PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years
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My husband walked out without ever telling me his feelings

Customer Question

My husband walked out without ever telling me his feelings what are the chances of him finding his way and returning home?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  20+ years as a Therapist replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer

 

I am glad you wrote. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your 10 year old daughter. And now this-- I am sure it brings it all back. Having someone leave you unexpectedly is devastating, and your feelings are well justified.

 

Nobody will be able to give you a percentage of his chance of coming home... maybe not even him. You said he didn't tell you his feelings, but did he give you a reason for his leaving?

 

The majority of marriages do not survive the loss of a child. Have the two of you been in a grief support group together? Counseling?

 

What sorts of things has he said in the past that indicate he may not be happy? Sometimes men deal with grief in a way that gets them past it -- is he saying that you are not moving on?

 

Nancy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We went to counseling after she died. He said he wanted to be happy. After he left I heard from a few male friends and my father that he told them things weren't going well and that we hadn't had sex in months, but he never told me thats how he was feeling. I know I had a hard time letting go of my daughter. Right up until the week he left Jan 3rd we were going out buying things for our home going to dinner etc. I was on meds that didn't help with my libido I just wish he could have sat me down.
Expert:  20+ years as a Therapist replied 5 years ago.

People deal with grief differently, and many women take many more years to get okay... if there is such a thing after the loss of a child.

 

Have you been to a support group, specifically for the loss of a child?

 

Nancy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
we have not. I've been to counseling since he's left and I feel I've made positive changes to my life. I was finally able to give my daughter to God. I changed meds but I have no way of letting him know. I don't know what he is doing, other then living with his parents right now, his mom tells me when he first went there he did a lot of crying, she still says he doesn't really talk much to them. I just so scared, I Love him with all my heart I just wish he knew this, and would speak with me
Expert:  20+ years as a Therapist replied 5 years ago.

Have you emailed him, or mailed a letter saying this to him?

 

 

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Yes, and no response back. Myself, family and friends have not even heard from him. I feel like I don't even know him right now.
Expert:  20+ years as a Therapist replied 5 years ago.
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Expert:  20+ years as a Therapist replied 5 years ago.

Just a quick follow up note... how are things?

 

Nancy

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