Time to move on , I guess.
I figure one of the ways to move on was to try to stop talking to people about it so much. You have been very helpful to me, and i am sure this situation has confused you just as much as me. I will probally never understand why meggan chose to move on, and i probally never will. I just know everyday is hard not having my best friend to talk to.
Found out 3 days ago the fire dept is going to be losing 9 people, one of which is me. I live in michigan and the economy is horrible. So in the last 7 weeks, I have lost my girlfriend, crashed my jeep, son was very sick, and now I am losing my job. I dont know what i did to piss off God, but man am i sorry. I guess we have to go through these times to make us stronger, but enough is enough.
I still think about meggan alot, everyday. Sometimes happy, sometimes not. I catch myself thinking alot about what I would say to her if she ever calls. I worry about her, and what her new job is doing to her. I know she will find somebody else and be happy, but i am not one of those guys that hopes for her happiness and all that. I obviously wish she could have done that with me. I find myself now in that spot of my head battling my heart. my head says its over and i have to move on, but my heart says maybe one day she will call.
Just about every night i have a dream about her, good and bad. I hate that feeling of waking up and her not being there. I am going to delete her email and pics today, in hopes of more closure. I dont want to let her go, but she already let me go. with everything going on with work and my son, i needed her to be there.
I think about if she is dating alot too. someone asked me out this week, and i just told them i wasnt ready. i just want to be alone, for a long time. i dont know if i can put myself back out there. Is the risk really worth the reward? Plus who is going to want to date a single unemployed father. being a firefighter is a big part of who i am, and that is going to take some time to get used to.
I just booked my "sarah marshall trip". going to miami at the end of the month for 4 days. by the time i get back i will hopefully be back to 100%. the weird thing is this. I wonder if she ever thinks about me. when i flip on a tv show or drive by something we did together, i think of her. everytime i see the marley and me advertisement, i get sad because we saw it together and were teasing each other for almost crying. i always wonder if she is thinking about me, like with the final four being in town, and she knows i am a huge sports fan.
everyone says this gets easier with time. i still consider myself in week 1, due to the fact i worked so hard the other weeks to win her back. it hasnt been one bit easy. the tears have stopped, but my heart really misses her.
thank you for all the support. like i said i am sure you have learned some new things about female police from this situation. maybe, one day, ill be able to write you back with some good news. Until then ill just keep moving on and trying to forget. thank you again.