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Walter , Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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I am a married man but deeply attracted to a woman i work

Resolved Question:

I am a married man but deeply attracted to a woman i work with
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 7 years ago.



How long have you been married?


Any children?


Any marital problems?


Have you acted on this attraction?


What is it about this women you are attracted to?



Customer: replied 7 years ago.

We only been married for two years we have no kids,no problems at home but this woman that I am attracted too we have already shared two passionate kisses and I'm starting to think this is more than an infatuation
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

And she is 20 years older than me and I just seem to be always attracted to older women
Expert:  Walter replied 7 years ago.



As I am sure you already know you have crossed a line that should not have been crossed. Infatuation and love is two very different things, and while you deserve to be happy you must also take a step back and look at what you already have in life and how this effects them. It is not fair to your wife to allow this to continue.


I wish I could tell you that once you are married and in love attraction to other women is in the past. But I would be lying Laughing The real truth of it is you are going to find lots of women you find sexually appealing or attractive. Just like your wife is going to find men that are attractive to her. The difference is knowing it is natural and knowing it is wrong to go any further then looking. Being faithful is like any other responsibility of being a man. Its not always easy, and its not always fun but it is required.


The key is looking at it for what it is......a attraction. Or a temptation. It isn't love, it isn't happiness, it is simply you being a man and wanting to see what is on the other fence. The problem is once you clime that fence is becomes even harder to keep going back to your side of the yard.


Being faithful isn't easy........if it was divorce would likely never end exist! Being faithful is about doing something that is right.....and standing up and being a man. Its easy to allow yourself to lose control and think only of yourself. But that is selfish and not what being a man is about. The solution is to see it for what it is and not allow yourself to be tempted.


Do not allow yourself to be alone with her, tell her straight up front that you love your wife and you find her attractive but you want to be faithful and ask her to please stay away. Some women are good women.......they will see that you are trying and will walk away. Others see it as more of a challenge in which case you must stay firm. No alone time, no calling her or talking to her if possible. The closer you allow yourself to be to her the harder the temptation is going to be. By taking yourself out of the game so to speak you help yourself in the long run.


There is always going to be some women......that is a fact. But if you allow yourself to slip it is going to hurt your wife in ways you can not even begin to imagine. The pain from a betrayal is unlike any other pain a women will experience. She will feel like she has lost some part of herself and will ache in so many difference ways. Forgiveness is always possible, but she will NEVER fully trust you again. And without trust a good strong love is hard to have. Your actions will harm her in a way that you will never begin to repair and it is something you must consider. Someday you may have children with your wife.........a affair can harm children before they are even born believe it or not. The fact is this is something she will carry around with her always, and something that will effect your children some day.


Seldom do we are men stop and think of the long run........a quick affair with this women is not acceptable. The harm you will cause your wife and yourself is not worth it my friend!



Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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