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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18564
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I want to transfer from my job for 1 good reason

Customer Question

hi, this is going to sound very confusing but it's really not, ok, everyone here knows where I work at, pizza hut, yes, not the most high moving job there is but it helps, anyway, I've been having problems at my job for the past 3 months now and I'm about to quit on everyone there and no ones going to care and I need my job, theres only 1 person there that really seems to want to try to get along with me and thats my assistant manager, her names kim, but she asked to be transfered because we're getting a new assistant manager, she's been at the store for 1 month now, she's just a shift leader along with this other girl named audrey who I can't stand, well, our old manager got fired for stealing almost 2 weeks ago and we got a new manager, a caucasian male.
and the first thing everyone said about him was that he looked like he was on drugs, and our other shift leader was talking about him behind his back and being 2 faced. me and him are starting to get along better than what we first did, he flirts with me a lot, and I heard yesterday that he's leaving in 10 weeks for another manager to take his place and he has everyone doing their work like they're supposed to be doing instead of acting like they're having a party like they do every night when he's not around, I want him to stay because he's good for the store and he doesn't treat me bad, everyone said the next manager that's coming is going to be worse than our old one and our old manager put me down all the time, everyone there calls me slow and retarded and a w**** a b**** and a s*** just because I laugh at all the guys jokes and get along with them too, I wanted to transfer to another store soon anyways, how should I go about talking to him about this before he leaves?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Christy, and welcome back to Just Answer.

What is the reason you want to transfer from your job?

What is your question?

Can you provide some more details regarding your situation?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I just updated it, sorry about that
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy, and thanks for your updated info.

Do you want to talk to him about transferring to another store before he leaves, or talk to him about being flirty and seeming interested in you? The way you phrased it, it sounded like you wanted to talk to him about transferring to another store, so he can accomplish this before he leaves. If you have a particular store in mind, like one near your house or if you want to go to the same store as him, tell him that you haven't really been all that happy at this store for a while, until HE came, and he really knows how to run the store well, and keep the immature employees under control, and you really admire him for that. Ask if he will help you apply for a transfer to Store # ? (whatever you choose), and if he will give you a good recommendation.

I hope everything works out well for you!

Cher

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi, I'm sorry, I got a little busy, he's on vacation until next wednesday, he only works days at the store and I work nights, I want to ask him to change my schedule up but I can't think of a good enough reason to tell him why. he likes me, I think, a driver at our store talked to him last night for me when I was off and he told him I had a little crush on him and he said "really, she acts like she doesn't like me when I'm around her" and he told him also that I wanted to be transfered to his store when he leaves in a few months and he said he would transfer me, he knows I like him now and things are going to be awkward around us when I see him wednesday, sometimes I get other people at the store that I'm close to to ask him something or tell him something for me, and he would rather me talk to him but I'm real shy around him, one night I was waiting on my brother to come pick me up from work and he was there with me and a friend of mine that I work with and he sat down across from me, and after a couple of minutes I got up and sat at the booth behind me where my friend was sitting, if he brings up the issue about me liking him what should I say?
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy, and thanks for you reply.

No problem re: the delay! : ) We all get busy!

First, I don't think he's going to bring up the issue about you liking him, but if he does, you can say, yes, I did mention that to a couple of people; I think you're really nice and just have such a way with people--you make me feel comfortable when I'm around you, and happy to come to work.

Stop being so shy around him. If you like him, and want to transfer to the other store with him and/or transfer to his shift right now, you need to talk to him more, and show him how you feel. I understand why you felt uncomfortable when you were waiting for your brother and got up and sat with your friend in the other booth, but that was almost like an insult that you didn't want to sit or talk with him. Don't do things like that anymore. Act natural, be yourself, but take advantage of any time you see him by drawing him into conversation. Start with something work related or about the store or something, and then move easily into asking him what he does for fun, when he's not working, what kind of music he likes, has he been to any concerts recently, etc. Anything that YOU know something about and can discuss intelligently. Men love to be asked about themselves, so do that.

Try to overcome your shyness by forcing yourself to talk to him and find out more about him without relying on your friends at work. He may feel that you don't like him when he's around you, because you're not communicating. Also, getting up and leaving that seat, when he was sitting across from you, may have hurt his feelings, so try to make him know you do like being around him. Say things like: 'you're so great to be around--you're funny and so down to earth'!

I hope things work out for you!

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18564
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi, thank you for the help, I know why I got up and moved from another seat that night, he makes me a little nervous thats the only reason why, and I'm not used to him yet, he's so much nicer than our old manager and I'm not used to anyone at the store being nice to me except for one of our assistant managers, I want to ask you something if you dont' mind, from the way he's talked do you think he likes me too? because even though he may act like it I can't tell if he's just being himself or if he likes me too, I don't know, and there is a problem at the store right now I don't want him knowing about, the shift leader I don't get along, she doesn't trust me because I get along with all the guys and I joke around with them when I'm at work and she thinks I'm a w**** and a s*** because of that, I'm not going to stop being around my friends because of her and I'm worried that if me and our him does get closer that she'll tell him that and make up lies to tell him about me because some of the guys at work have messed with me and flirted with me before, me and her might get into an arguement and she'll say something when he's there, he already doesn't like how every there treats me, so, maybe I'm hoping he'll make some changes before he leaves, anyway, thanks again.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy and you're most welcome; thanks very much for your accept and your reply.

It would be difficult to say whether he likes you or not, or is just being nice to you, because he's that kind of guy, but if he likes you, he should show it, soon enough.

Don't worry about the shift leader, because if what she's saying about you is not true, you know that, and you can tell him that, if he asks. You can prevent him from having to ask, by mentioning it to him, but then again, you don't want to tell him something he doesn't yet know, as it might not be necessary. You can briefly touch on
'did (shift leader) mention anything to you about me?' and if he says 'no', just drop it. If he says 'yes', ask what she said, and then tell him your side of the story. Don't sound like an immature person about it, and don't downtalk her, just say, the things she's saying are not true, and I don't know why she says them; I just try to be friendly with everybody, because I'm a 'team player', and the store works much better when everyone gets along.

I hope he makes the changes you are looking for, before he leaves, and that you get to go with him to the new store!

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18564
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi. I've been thinking about what you said and I'm definitely going to have a little talk with him Wednesday when he gets back. I have another problem I'm having trouble dealing with though. That shift leader I don't get along with. We used to be friends along with me and her cousin, but they started trying to yell at me and tell me what to do and they started talking about me first behind my back so I started talking about them and other people behind their back because they made me mad somehow or they hurt me. I don't do things like that to be mean unless you've been mean to me and I'm kind of a sensitive person, I take things people say whether they're joking with me or not too seriously and its hard for me to tell when they're joking and when they're not. And I get smart with them sometimes just messing with them because that's the way they do me and now they're getting to where they get mad at me when I try to joke with them about stuff. I don't like talking about other people n behind their backs and I know its making me seem like a bad person when I'm really not, what can I do to stop myself? I don't want karma to come back at me anymore. I want to be a better person it just seems like I trust the wrong people or something. Anyway. I would appreciate the help on that. I don't want the manager learning about a side of me I'm trying to get rid of. What I'd this girl tells him about me?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm sorry about that error in my grammer, I was on my cell phone when I sent that at work and I mess up my words on there sometimes
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy.

No problem, re: your grammar! : ) I just sent your answer, below.

I applaud you for seeing this aspect of yourself, and having the desire to change it. I think you should always think before you speak, and don't speak out of anger or in direct response to something that's said which may not be particularly flattering about you. I know what you mean re: sometimes having trouble distinguishing between if someone said something to insult you or if they were just fooling around, and then, taking it too personally; that's very common. If you feel you may have said the wrong thing, if someone WAS just trying to pull your leg, the best way to get out of it with dignity, is to smile big, and say, "oh, I was just kidding; you know how I love to joke around!"

Also, don't talk about ANYBODY behind their backs, because you can never tell who is friendly with whom, and what will get back to people. I understand you being ticked off that the shift leader and her cousin used to be friends with you and then started yelling at you and talking behind your back; that isn't right, but you're right about Karma, and what goes around comes around, so you don't want to respond to them in the same way. Rise above it, and make sure you're doing your job correctly, get along with everybody, and wait until you're not at work, to say what you really want to, and let off steam. This job is important to you, and if you don't want the manager you like, to hear bad things about you, do your best to be a model employee and good person, so he sees this come shining through.

Hopefully, if you get the transfer, when HE transfers, you'll be in a better position and like your job, better. Then, you'll have to get along with a whole new set of employees! : )

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I do want to impress our manager, not only because I like him, lol, but because I want him to see me as a hard worker too, I never told anyone this except for someone who I thought was my friend, I've been seeing psychiatrists for a long time and I was wondering why I forgot things all the time, I mean, someone would tell me to do something and if I was doing something else, 5 minutes later I've forgotten all about it, thats why I get in trouble with running back around and telling people things, I tell people things I don't like about other people and someone else either hears it or the person I told it to goes back around and tells someone else thats close to the person I was talking about what I said about them and by the time they hear about it I've forgotten all about it and it'll only happen 2-3 days later, I've noticed I have some of the symptoms of a person with ADD because of my memory loss and my ability to focus on my work, my friend thought I was crazy when I told him but nobody my age has a memory as bad as mine is that I know of, I don't want to get some help for my memory because it's causing me a lot of trouble. anyway, one of our shift leaders name is XXXXX XXXXX the one I really don't get along with, I'm wanting our manager to change shifts for me when he gets back from his vacation but I'm going to be a little embarassed to talk to him because of my friend telling him I like now, I work at night right now and when he first got there he asked me would I rather work day or night and I said night because I wanted to be around my "friends", but now I know how they really feel about me I don't want to work with them anymore because I'm scared that the one I thought was my friend, the cousin, her name isXXXXX scared she's going to hit me if I joke around with her and she takes me seriously, and I really don't want to go into detail with him about it unless he asks me because I didn't tell him the whole truth about me and audrey when he asks already and everybodys saying he doesn't listen to the people that asks for certain days off when he writes the schedule out or he's about to, one girl said you have to remind him 2 weeks ahead of time because he writes it a week ahead of time, I don't know if you didn't see it or not but I asked, what if audrey does go back around and tells him all the bad things I've done and said to other people? what should I say to him? I don't want him to think I'm a bad person, because I'm really not, I pick up other peoples worst habits, thanks to my aunt I'm a pathological liar and I'm just not being able to control that, and I picked that up from her because I stayed around her constantly when I was a little girl and my cousin amy, I know for a fact that I picked up the talking about people behind their backs trait from her because I stayed around her all the time when I was 12 on up and thats all she used to do and she does me the same way, if I talk bad about somebody in my family to her on the phone, she goes right back around and tells them everything I said, if I really did pick these bad habits up from my family I know it's going to be nearly impossible to stop them since I've been doing them both for so long, do you think I should consider going to see a psychiatrist face to face to see if they can't help me since the problem is so serious and is going to be hard for me to deal with by myself? I think thats probably the only thing I can do, I appreciate you taking your time with me and answering all of my questions, I promise you I will give you a deposit for all your help if you can help me with these here also, and if you're not busy just take your time, I need all the help I can get, lol :)
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy, and no problem; I'm glad to help.

I do think you should see a psychiatrist or psychologist, and be tested for ADD without hyperactivity. This is a very common condition and nothing to be embarrassed about. If medication can help you, so much the better; if you can be given exercises for your mind, to help you focus better and retain more in your memory, that would be great, too.

I don't think you should worry so much about what Audrey might say to the new manager. He knows how you are and I think he likes what he sees. You can always blame any mess-ups he or she bring up on your bad memory and say, I know this is a problem, and I'm working on it. As long as you show you're willing to change and improve, you're a good employee!

Regarding the bad habits you feel you picked up from your aunt and your cousin, this may be true, especially if you spent so much time in their home/environment, but you're your own person, and if you realize these traits are not desirable and don't want to act like that anymore, only YOU have the power to change for the better. If you find yourself about to lie about something, tell the truth, instead. A little white lie, here and there, is allowed, especially when it's done to avoid hurting someone's feelings.

You see, what's great about you, is that you are very conscious about your bad habits and how you want to improve yourself; I think, if you can do that, you're already halfway there! Some people have bad traits and go through life, oblivious to what they're doing/saying wrong, and then they can't figure out why people don't like them. You already KNOW what the problems are, and you're taking steps to resolve the problems, and I think that says a lot for your strength of character. If you continue to try to 'fix' the problems, you'll always be doing the right thing for yourself. Try to get that testing done, so you know if you do have ADD, and take it from there. Also, read some articles/books containing exercises re: improving your memory.

http://www.helpguide.org/life/improving_memory.htm

Regards,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi again Cher, I need your help once more, well, our manager came back tonight, but I just can't seem to gather up the courage to ask him about transferring me to his store when it gets built in 6 weeks, thats when he's leaving, and I asked him about my schedule to switch me over to days but he said the day shift is full and theres no one that can switch with me, he has 3 managers a server and a delivery driver during the day, thats 5 people, and he said hes about to hire someone else for night to help me answer the phone and he said he'll see if he can do more after he hires somebody, he changed my schedule this week to where I'm working around those girls and thats what he said he's going to try to do next week, but I'm afraid if he puts me on day I'll only be workng 3 or 4 days out of the week and I need more hours than that, how exactly should I say all of this to them, I explained to him how audrey and her cousins called me a whore all the time and he said thats unacceptable, and when I said they called me "slow" he just laughed and said theres not much he can do about that, its just all verbal abuse, if you can help me figure out what exactly I can say to him about all of this then I would greatly appreciate it, thank you so much
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy.

He sounds really nice! First, don't keep telling him how others called you names in the past; he knows, you've told him, just don't keep telling him, or it might not be good for you, in the longrun.

Tell him that while you appreciate all he's doing to help you work different hours and/or a different shift, can he please keep in mind that you do need to work more than 3 or 4 days out of the week, but you certainly appreciate the fact that he has made an effort to help you with your hours.

Find a time when the store isn't that busy, or when you're on a break, and say to him: "Hi, how's your day going, so far? (hopefully, he'll say 'fine') Great! I really appreciate how you've been helping me adjust my hours, and it's so nice of you. When the new store, where you will be going, opens, I'd love to transfer there, too. Do you think you could recommend me for a transfer to the new store? I would really like to work there, and it would be nice to continue working with YOU, also. Would you let me know what you can do? I'd appreciate it very much!"

Okay, try that, and let me know what happens. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want, and ask nicely. He's been very good to you, and you have nothing to lose by asking re: the transfer. Remember, continue to be a good employee, stop interacting with those girls, and don't complain to him anymore. You don't want him to think you're a constant complainer...Have some nice things to say about other people to him, too.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yeah, he is good to me so far, he was off tonight but he just came in to do the inventory for the store, that was really nice of him to let me work in the morning, when I told him he gave me too many days off he just smiled at me and said "I can't work miracles honey" and he asked me when I wanted to work, he makes me nervous when I get around him but tonight when I asked him about my schedule I wasn't that nervous, I asked him if I could talk to him when he wasn't busy when I went into his office and I was going to walk off and come back and he said no I'm not doing anything, and he patted on a box that was on the floor that was next to him wanting me to sit next to him, but I just stood up, and when he first got there I was at the register cashing out someone he came right up behind me and reached over my shoulder, I still can't tell if he likes me or not, I'm so confused, I'm not ready to ask him yet but I want to find out through his actions other than that somehow, do you have any ideas for me? could you suggest a few things to help me out? he's really teasing and playful towards me, and one more thing, I want him to know I like him as more than a friend without having to tell him, you know what I mean right? lol, anyway, I'm going to send you a pm soon, thanks
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy.

Well, you're in a little bit of a difficult situation, because he's your boss, so you want him to do things to make you're life easier, as the 'boss', but you also like him and want to know if he likes you. The things you're describing he does, around you, physically, may be flirtatious, but that might just be in his nature. I don't want to see you say or do anything that will mess up your chances to transfer with him, to the new store, so I think, for now, you should play it cool, be attentive to him, continue to be your friendly self, but don't say/do anything re: asking if he likes you, etc.

If he's teasing and playful with you, play along, but don't go overboard. Keep him guessing re: your feelings for him, and don't forget he's your 'boss'. You need the job, and you don't want to mess that up. What is the company's policy on employees dating? I mean, IF he should ask you out, would you both get in trouble?

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
our companies policy on dating, well, I don't think that would be a problem because I dated someone that used to work there a few months ago, so it shouldn't be a problem, I did just ask him about working during the day because I want to be around him more but because of those girls too
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Ok, good, I'm glad there's no 'specific' company policy re: employees dating! Yes, I know why you wanted to switch to days, and I don't blame you.....maybe things will change and maybe you'll get to go with him to the brand new store! That would be great! : )
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi again, well, a lots happened since I last talked to you, my manager that I like, his name is XXXXX XXXXX listens to everything everyone in the store says, I've got a piercing that nearly everyone in the store knew about except for him until he heard our shift leader asking me about it this morning, he said "I know all about you already, I know you've got a piercing" and I asked him how did he know, and he told me he heard me, and he asked me was it true and I said yeah, and he said its nothing bad because he has some too, and he thinks they're cool, me and him have been flirting since yesterday, it seems like he'll try anything to touch me, he smiles at me a lot when he thinks I'm going to mess with him, and he slaps me on the shoulders and arms lightly, and he teases me a lot and gets a smart mouth with me, thats the way I do him, and he's just kidding but he'll say "why are you so mean to me?" lol, and I tell him because he gets on my nerves, but we don't mean any of it, and he told me yesterday that he doesn't see why anybody up there doesn't like me, I'm nice to him, and I just told him that everybody up there just doesn't like me because I get along with all the guys there and they think I want them and that makes them hate me, and he said "oh, they think you're moving in on their territory huh?" and I just laughed at him and said yeah, I waited tables today and when I was cleaning the dishes off them, he was in the back washing the dishes and I would throw the dishes in there so it would splash a little water on him and he would pretend like he was going to throw water on me, we talk a lot more than we already do, before he left today I asked him did he want me to come in tomorrow and he asked me was I off and I said yeah, and he said he might not need me and he'll call me and I said "you don't have my phone number do you?" and he was just like "no, whats your number?" and I got his phone and put my number in it, I'm going tomorrow to help them out, I still can't seem to gather up the nerve to ask him about transfering me to the other store where he's going, it would seem to obvious, now that we're flirting more openly towards each other and talking more, he said something to make me wonder about his feelings a couple of days ago, I told him our server said we need a vaccum cleaner for our carpet dining room and he just said "she'll be alright" and I told him, what about me? I have to sweep that floor tomorrow, and he just said, I'll tell you what, if you're nice I'll buy you one, and I was like, what does that mean? and he said "if you're nice to me I'll buy you a vaccum cleaner" lol, I'm still so confused about his feelings, I don't know what to do
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Christy.

Wow, it does sound like a lot has gone on over the past few days! You handled yourself VERY well! Don't worry or be confused about his feelings, just continue doing what you're doing. You seem very experienced at flirting; good for YOU! : ) Just remember to keep yourself in check: he's your boss, your an employee, and fooling around with words, actions, etc., is alright, but just don't 'overstep' and take it too far. I loved your move, of asking if you were needed tom'w, on your day off, and you put your number in his phone! Great thinking! Give it a few more days and then bring up the subject of the new store. The worst that can happen is that he says 'no', or it's out of his hands...they may have people picked out or are interviewing for the new place, already. Once you make him aware that you are interested in moving with him to that new store, all you can do is wait for a definite answer.

Oh, one more thing, if he brings up anything again, about the other girls not liking you, etc., don't tell him anything about it. Just make a statement like 'yeah, that's what they tell everybody; they're just jealous', but don't say what they're jealous ABOUT! Make like you get along well with EVERYBODY, and that's all he has to know. You certainly ARE a hard worker, and I admire you for that! By the way, what is the age difference between you two? I don't remember if you told me how old he is.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi, I don't know how old he is yet, but I'm about to be 22, I'm worried about not being able to transfer to his store now, he's leaving in 6 weeks, I'm guessing in a couple of weeks they'll start looking for people to hire, my friend that talked to him told me that he probably wants me to bring up the idea of me transfering to his store, I'm going to talk to him about it real soon before its too late, our flirting is starting to go a lot further than what I thought it would, he doesn't do anyone else at the store the way he does me, we have a lot in common, I was thinking of telling him I know my friend brought it up to him that I wanted to transfer to his store when he leaves and he said it was ok and I wanted to know if he can transfer my files to that store when he has time if he's going to do it, he did make out our new schedule for next week and he has me working with one of those girls I don't like when he's off and I want to ask him if he'll change it because he'll make it a habit if I don't say something, I really am worried about that girl trying to start trouble with me and trying to get me fired, but anyway, thats all thats happened so far, I look for more things to happend soon I hope, thanks
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Christy,

I agree, that if you wait much longer, it might be too late, so try to ask him about the transfer, as soon as you feel comfortable enough. Don't say anything about your friend bringing it up; let HIM say, oh yes, your friend mentioned something to me about that, IF he says anything at all.

You can ask him to change who you're working with, but don't say it's a girl you don't like; that will sound negative. Just say, "there are so many other people I prefer to work with, would it be possible to change my schedule to work with someone else?" Just don't make it like YOU don't get along with her or she doesn't get along with you. You want to make it seem like you are an excellent employee who gets along with EVERYONE!

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi Cher, its me again, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that things are going great between me and my manager, lol, I talked to him myself and he promised me that he would transfer me to his new store as soon as next week, I found a room for rent for $250 a month that includes utilities in the city where his new stores going to be at, he has 2 or 3 more weeks left at our store, and saturday night we were going to go out and do something after we got off from work, after we left we rode around for a little bit but my mom came up to my work earlier and honked the horn and squealed her tires when she was leaving like she was crazy, and he said was that your mom that came up here acting a fool? and I just said yeah, and he said, well, I would hate to have to get after her the next time she comes up here showing out like that, we both laughed but I knew he was serious, anyway, we left and when I got in his car I turned my phone off, she already called one time when I was with him and after that, I told him my moms going to bitch when I get home, and he got nervous and said, no, we have to take you back home, because if she comes up to the store (work) and causes a scene then I'll have to say something and I'll get in trouble and I've got 2 kids to support. I just told him to drop me off at wal-mart, and we sat there in the parking lot for a long time and talked, he had to go somewhere and he kept telling me to go, I was wanting to kiss him before he left, and I know I was giving him this look like well, what are you waiting for? and he finally got the hint and started playing with my hair and I turned back to him when I was about to leave and the next thing I know he kissed me, he didn't bring sex up to me not once, he didn't even try to touch me, he had respect for me the whole time I was with him, I didn't want to leave him and he promised he would text me on easter and he did at almost 7pm that night and we talked for a little over an hour, he sent me a picture message of his 2 kids, and told me he would talk to me sometime today after I got off from work, but he promised me that we would hang out more and we would do something sometime this week, but he said I would have to keep my mom at bay somehow, and I don't know how to do that, he told me to go stay at a friends house, the only friend I have is my cousin and her sons staying with her right now and she doesn't have anywhere for me to sleep and they won't let me sleep on the floor or the couch, her husbands weird, he won't let anyone sleep on the couch and he has this chair he sits in all day long, he NEVER EVER sits on the couch, so, I just can't seem to understand the problem that lies there, what should I do about my mom? I just can't keep letting her ruin every single relationship that I get into, she doesn't care what his color is or if he has plenty of money and is willing to take better care of me than what she does, she hates the guys guts right off the bat and she'll call the police to him if he comes up in front of her yard, she'll say I've got his tag number wrote down so the police can arrest him when he comes back down on this street, she's a full fledged psychopath if you ask me and I don't know what to do about her anymore, she's ruining my life and every chance I have at happiness, well, she's not going to ruin this one, none of my family will let me stay the night with them when we're fighting because she comes up to whoevers house I'm staying at and shows her a** at me in front of them and it causes them to not let me stay anymore, if I move, I'm putting a restraining order against her, she was never at home for me none whatsoever when I was a baby and when I was a kid, and I don't want her in my life now, I'm sorry you had to read that, it's been bothering me for a long time. and her and my brothers beat me when I was little and when I was a teenager, I don't have any feelings for them, I told my new FRIEND about them beating me and he just said, I hope your mom doesn't beat you, because I told him I came to work with a real big bright bruise on my right side from where she hit me with a broom handle.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Christy, and thanks for your update!

I'm so glad to hear that things are going well with your manager, and he put in for your transfer to the new store! You must be so happy about that! Also, I'm happy for you that you've spent so much time talking to him and he kissed you, as you wanted, the last time you were together. He certainly sounds like a gentleman, and it's best take it slow with him, with the physical stuff, and not rush into anything.

I'm sorry you're experiencing such a problem with your mother, but if you're able to rent that room near the new store for $250 a month, including utilities, that sounds like a great price.

You're not a teenager anymore, and your mother and brothers are not allowed to beat you. No one is allowed to lay a hand on you. It's understandable that your mother is concerned for you and who you are hanging out with, and as long as you live under her roof, you really do have to abide by her rules; but if you are able to get your own place, as you mentioned, and are sure you can make the monthly payments, that would be a great!

Don't ask to stay at your cousin's house, if it will be a problem, just try to be independent, if you're able to, and rent that place near the new store, but make sure this is what you want to do and can definitely afford it, on your salary.

I hope things continue to go in a positive direction with you and your new FRIEND, and as I mentioned, take it slowly and enjoy his company; he sounds like a great guy!

Keep me posted.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi Cher, thank you, XXXXX XXXXX devastating bad news though, he wasn't transferring me to his store, he's transferring me to one where I'm moving to before he leaves so he can get me away from those girls, I'm a little on the heartbroken side because I don't know how I'm going to see him when he leaves and if I move, we were going to hang out again this weekend but he said this weekend is him and his sons weekend together and we would have to do something during the weekday and I would still have to keep my mom at bay somehow he said, I want to talk to him about this about how we're going to see each other but I don't know how to bring it up, I'm scared that if I get down there he won't text message me back when I try and talk to him or he won't make the time to see me and he won't transfer me to his new store when it does open because he said it's probably going to be 2-4 more months before its open, he was acting really sweet towards me yesterday at work, he hugged me a lot but he wouldn't kiss me, he said "not here", I really don't want to lose him, it's going to be hard enough on me when he leaves and transfers me to the new store and I won't see him, what should I do? I really need some advice here, I would appreciate it greatly and I promise I'll tip you good if you can answer this before I go in to work this morning, it's 5:07am here and I don't go in to work until 11am this morning, I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with him before he leaves, so I'm going in even on my days off.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
does it sound like he's trying to avoid me to you? because he's acting like he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now because when he kissed me saturday night he muttered "its been so long" lol, I don't know what he was talking about because I said what? and he never did say anything, I didn't know if was talking about a relationship, the kiss or love, lol, or if its been a long time since he's been in a situation like that because one girl that works with us said there was another girl that he worked with that looked just like me and they used to hang out a lot
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Christy,

I'm sorry, I just came online, now, and read both your posts.

I'm surprised to hear that the store he's transferring you is not the one where he'll be, but at least you'll be away from those girls in the store where you are now. Don't worry; once the new store opens, or is close to opening, ask him if he'll help you transfer, there.

Yes, what he said re: 'it's been so long' after he kissed you, could have been in relation to ALL things you were thinking, so you won't know unless you ask him, but for now, I would wait a while before asking him.

He was absolutely right, when he said 'not here', when you wanted to kiss him; work is work, and you have to maintain a working relationship, especially in front of other people. You'll see him even though you won't be working together when you transfer, but don't push it. Make a 'casual' suggestion re: when you'll see him or speak to him, and of course, his sons come first, re: the weekend. Just because you won't be at his store, soon, doesn't mean you won't be able to see him. Just try not to 'smother' him; most guys don't like that.

I think the transfer to the other store is good for you, so you don't have to work with the girls that don't treat you well and say bad and untrue things about you. Your work environment will be much nicer, and you'll feel good about that. Don't speak to any of your new co-workers about your relationship with him, because it's none of their business, and like I said, business and your private life are two separate things. As long as you continue to find ways to see him, and keep in touch with him, you could have the opportunity to work in the new store, when it opens. I'm surprised, I thought you said it was opening in 6 weeks, a while ago. Now it's 2-4 months? Well, sometimes, these things just take longer than anticipated.

Try to play it cool with him and with your transfer and remember, don't say anything to anybody, if you don't want them to know your personal business.

If I'm not online when you respond, I'll get back to you ASAP.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hey, bad news, the guy called me today after I took him his money and told me his realtor or whatever turned me down, and they have to approve the tenants, he was guessing it was because of my income, I'm already looking for something someplace else. but, I saw him again today at work and I told him to text message me tonight and he said he could promise me he would but he would try and he didn't, I want to spend time with him this friday but don't know how to ask him without being too pushy and needy, he told me that if I wanted to hang out with him all I had to do was just ask, and he did say it would have to be during a weekday this week because this weekend is him and his sons weekend together, how do I go about asking him?
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
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