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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20862
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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What should I do if I am in love with a man who cannot let

Resolved Question:

What should I do if I am in love with a man who cannot let go of his ex. She's living in a trailer in the back of his property
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.

How long have you been going out with this man and/or how long do you know him? I assume you're dating; if not, do you love him, but he doesn't know of your feelings?
In any case, does he know how you feel or have you told him? Do you know his feelings for you?

Is she his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend?

Why is she living in a trailer on the back of his property?

Can she afford or is it possible for her to live elsewhere?

Does he admit that he still has feelings for her and/or that he's still in love with her?

Thanks for all the additional detail about your situation.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

I've been with him for 4.5 years. Engaged until last weelend when I told him I couldn't be at his house anymore for fear of her just barging in and gave him his ring back.

Yes he knows my feelings for him, He says he loves me. We vacation together.

She is his ex-wife. She's on disability and really should be living with her brothers and sisters.

He admists he still has feelings for her due to the kids and grandkids

Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hello again, and thanks very much for your detailed and helpful information.

I'm so sorry you felt the need to call off your engagement, but I understand completely, why you did it. He has put you in a difficult position.

You're absolutely correct, that his ex should be living with her brothers and sisters (or anyplace else) and it's inappropriate for her to be still living on his property, even if they have kids/grandkids together. The thing is, the kids are his kids, and of course you have nothing against his relationship with them, but it's not like a packaged deal, where his ex is included, too.

He may still have feelings for her because she's the mother of his children, but that should be the ONLY feelings he has for her, if he's in love with you and engaged to you.

It's hard to understand how she could just barge in to his house, while you were there, or at any time. He needs to keep his door locked and she needs to call if she needs to see him.

If you truly love him and want to marry him, and try to re-establish your engagement, you might try couples counseling to get an impartial point of view on the situation, with him there to hear how it's not proper for his ex to be living on his property, barging into his house whenever she feels like it, and this has nothing to do with his kids. Divorced parents living in different CITIES communicate about what's best for their kids, grandkids, etc., without practically living together.

Try to find a marriage or couples counselor in your area, and you go first, to lay out the situation, and then tell him you'd like him to come for a session, because you really do love him and want to share a life with him, but certain things need changing first, and 'we' need help in knowing how to proceed with those changes. Be as honest and sincere as you can, with him, so he knows you really want to try to salvage your relationship.

I wish you much good luck and please let me know how it goes.

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