How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Cher Your Own Question

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18593
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Cher is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have a friend in the Marines who I date when he is home.

Customer Question

I have a friend in the Marines who I date when he is home. We have an unusual relationship; we talk, email, call each other, just like we were dating. But we break up when he leaves. I want to keep the relationship official but he won't really talk about it because he'll be gone so long and says he doesn't know what will happen in the future. He tells me to live, take advantage of being young, he doesn't want me to be alone, he doesn't want to hold me back.... What questions can I ask him that won't scare him away? I need to know if he sees any possibility we'll be together or if he knows now we will only be friends.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
HiCustomer and thanks for your question.

I think he has created this arrangement, because as much as he cares about you and doesn't want you to be alone when he's not home, it's possible that he also wants the freedom to date other people when he's not home, and feels if he makes a commitment to you, he will not be able to remain true to you, while he's away.

You can ask him questions about what kind of social life he has, and what he does for fun, if he dates when he's away, and if there's any other reason besides not wanting you to be alone and 'wait' for him, while he's away, that he decided you need to 'break up' each time he leaves. If you can keep in touch by email, phone, etc., while he's gone, can this not be considering a dating relationship?

While it's possible that he does want to remain only 'friends', you need to ask him if he feels more for you than that, and would like to continue a long-distance relationship, while he's away from home. If you don't ask him this, now, you will be 'waiting' for him and he may not plan on regarding you as a 'girlfriend', so in order for you to do what's best for you and move on in your life, date other guys, and be happy, you really need to find out what his future intentions are, for your relationship. If the answer is not what you wanted to hear, at least you'll know for sure and be able to start dating other people, if you're not currently doing that.

It may be too early in your relationship, and/or not an appropriate time for him to make a commitment, considering he's not home all the time, but it is important for you to know how he feels about you, so you know how to deal with future events.

I hope things work out the way you want them to.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18593
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Cher,

 

Thank you so much for your advice. He and I did stayed together a whole year he was gone, he came home on leave, and we stayed together for two months. Then he called and told me it wasn't fair to me. So we have both dated other people the past 2 years he was gone. He was home not very long ago and it'll be another two years before he's home again. But I really don't want to share him this time around. :) We have talked about this together and defended the relationship to others who don't understand. It sounds like he is making the effort to keep it going, but still, no official.... Does knowing this help, or change how I need to ask him again?? I sent him an email with questions to answer a month ago and he hasn't replied but we have talked MANY times since then. I feel I am nagging him or ruining what we have by making him define it.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He has liked me since high school, that was four years ago. He never thought he had a chance with me. So now that he does, I don't know what he's thinking.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency