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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1483
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My husband and I have just celebrated our one year anniversary

Customer Question

My husband and I have just celebrated our one year anniversary a few months ago. We had dated for 5 years prior to that and had known each other as acquaintances for 5 years prior to that. Also, he has a son who is turning 8 and we share half custody with his son's mom. So Thurs through Sun we are parents, and the other half young working adults. However, I've been stressed about how my life is all mapped out, restricted by my step-son’s situation. And I’ve been doing a mental comparison of how my husband is not matching what I imagined and also comparing him to a friend of ours who is matching up more. Am I suffering from Post-Wedding Blues almost a year and a half or are there other issues I should worry about?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

In what ways is he not matching?

What are the comparisons you are making/seeing?

What are your ages?

Have you talked to him about it?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
<p>In what ways is he not matching? </p><p>He is in sales and is very used to his hometown city living. I have a hard time getting him to agree to drive a half hour to go out to dinner. I feel like I'm the man in the relationship. I make more money than he does, I pay for the house, the car, etc. while we use his check for spending money. And I assemble furniture while he plays video games. My father was in the marines so I moved a lot and I want to see more of the world and he doesn't. My relatives live in a farm community in Wisconsin, a place I would travel to a lot before him. They are more relaxed, more rough around the edges and participate in activities like hunting and fishing. My husband isn't like that, he is stressed and pleases everyone.</p><p><br />What are the comparisons you are making/seeing?</p><p>Our friend (Dean) is in the army and he and I can relate more than he and his friends. Dean is kid free and wants the wife and kids with a home. My husband (Pat) has a kid and never wanted kids and might never want kids. Pat stresses about everything but won't let anyone help, acting like a martyr when he does. Dean's job and responsibilities are simple and he keeps that seperate from all of his relationships. Even in hobbies they are different. Dean is going to buy a motorcycle and get his license to carry when he is home this summer (I have my motorcycle license and have grown up learning how to shoot guns from my dad). Pat can't hit a target for the life of him and has never been on a motorcycle. Dean wants to see the world and travel and I have a hard time getting Pat to go to dinner at a restaurant that is aXXXXX<br /><br />What are your ages? I'm 27 and he is 28<br /><br />Have you talked to him about it? </p><p>No. When Pat gets stressed about us, he throws around the divorce word. An example, at the end of January, we had a very emotional discussion about possibly getting a divorce because he didn't think I was trying hard enough with his son, but he would not offer me any help and said I had to figure it out on my own. And he will not do couples therapy because he believes if we do that then our relationship is already over. </p><p>Since he stresses so easily and jumps to all the negative conclusions, I'd rather figure it out on my own before talking to him. </p>
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: I still need help.

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