replied 8 years ago.
i am so sorry, this will be long and crazy. but i am so obsessive sometimes and have noone to talk to that may be objective.
dating 14 months
i have 23y.o daughter (daddys girl), 2 grand-daughters from her. married, happy, good husband. also 21 y.o. daughter. college in utah. a 17y.o son at home in high school - one yr left. mostly has his own life. good kid. good goals.
HIM: 25 yo son from young marriage. he's had sole custody since divorce but his son lived w/his parents to go to school in a better system (20 min away). and a 17y.o daughter from a 6yr relationship.
He has obviously tried to have long-term relationships in the past. when they went bad he couldnt let go though, he just became absent and floated along.
He has been 'looking' but unable to find that 'one' woman apparently, and has never asked anyone to marry him in his life.
he is an honest man, brutaly. he is unorganized with his stuff. has a lot of toys. when i say unorganized, i mean really...and he knows it 100% but is always able to find what he needs.
i appreciate more than anything that he doesn't fake who he is. that he has worked very hard his whole life. genius w/electrical, mechanical, hydraulics - thats his work.
his toys come from great bargaining and fixing other ppls broken stuff - & now its nice stuff and works well. like, not the lates fashion but functional and just as warm/soft/comfy?
problems: 1 - he is late all the time b/c he gets wrapped up in dawdling at his house (manages a 3story bldg for his family) all his 'stuff' from his whole life is in there. his family lived there since he was born.
2 - he will not argue. well, this can be good because he cares enuf not to say anything he might regret. he is adament about this. he says not to worry, because i know what i need to know, then he reminds me, i say what i need to, he answers me and its okay in the end. just not what society is used to -- hashing is all out right then and there. so, this can be good too, not to say anything just mean but cool off first. i don't know???
3 - because he is so bad at organizing i'm afraid it will take him forever to get out of the house. i don't bug him or question him. others have questioned and bugged him and he becomes defensive. but, on his own initiative, he has completely cleaned the basement out of 50 years of family crap, and he has contractors lined up for repairs so he can sell the bldg.
4. we are only together 1 night a week (sleeping in same bed) even after 14 months. we live 30 min apart. he comes over or we meet ~3 nights during the week.
good things: it has been love and absolute chemistry since minute one. so, i don't want this to cloud my judgement. 1 - he did ask me to marry him & not too early (~13 months dating). he has made arrangements to go with a friend to the 'diamond district' in NYC for us to look for a ring. we have looked around here (he is initiating all of this, i would never push him because i am constantly worried that it needs to be of his initiative). and he is making moves towards getting out of that house. 2 - sex. he is definately willing to do it all, talk about it all, try it all. stating that it is his responsibility to take care of me. he is very healthy in this arena. in the beginning there were testy times with adjusting issues, but is very strong now and better than ever. he calls me babydoll and he has never called any woman by any pet name. it was awkward when he started, but i'm southern and i call him baby all the time. he just started like 4 months ago, and now gets into it pretty nice and sappy, he really likes it and comes up with it on his own.
my kids are worried that he won't be able to commit.
he is a mess, our spoken vision is that we will get our own small house & build a large garage/warehouse for all our stuff - and that it will be organized. he doesn't think it will be so organized, but that it will all have a place.
he knows his limits. and follows through on his word. helps his parents out. but very singleminded and selfish with time and stuff - everything is OURS. even our TIME, he is very selfish w/our time. he won't be held to a time on pretty much anything, just a general time. and he never has a plan really, i just patiently wait when we go places to see where we end up, or we do what i want. i have adjusted to this and kinda like it. he's not boring.
we play guitar together, scuba dive, boat, ski, motorcycle, hike, camp, veg-out, same movies, music, style. i am happy with what we have, but...
... alas we do not live together...and will we ever? i am lonely. i do not want to attach to his hip, but be able to go to bed and wake with him...and look around the corner (when we are both busy) and say, "yeah, thats my baby".