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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My girlfriend and I have been talking about spending our lives

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My girlfriend and I have been talking about spending our lives together. Last Sunday my suspicions were aroused about her and her ex boyfriend and then my suspicion was elevated by some of her answers and demeanor. she had told me that she would be home by 9 for me to come over and then did not get home till 10:30pm. I followed my instinct and went to a place which I thought she may be and saw her and her ex boyfriend's car parked in the middle of the empty parking lot. I asked her what happened and she said she lost track of time because she was with her girlfriends that she had not seen in a long time discussing an upcoming bachlorette party. Do I tell her that I saw her and her ex? or do I wait and see what happens? I don't know if I can act like everything is ok though knowing that she lied to me.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

If you wait to see what happens you may lose your girlfriend to her ex boyfriend she is meeting him for a reason whether it be unresolved feelings or just meeting as friends, you need to find out what that reason is. Since you have proof that she wasn't with her girlfriends and that she blatantly lied to you it's time to confront her with what you know and ask her why she felt the need to both meet him and lie to you about her whereabouts, don't sit around letting this eat you up in hopes that it will get better or go away it won't get better it will get worse. As long as she thinks she can get away with it she will continue to lie her way out of things and cover her lie with a lie so I say nip it in the bud now before it gets out of hand. You relationship is still salvageable but you have to handle the situation head on. It's your right to know and you deserve an explanation and respect.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
How do I confront her with it? How do I tell her that I drove by because I had susupicions without sounding like a stalker.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I spent that Sunday night with her and kept tossing and turning and I told her that I had very strong feeling that she was with him. I told her that I realize she may have her reasons for doing so, such as wnating to get closure and get him off her back. etc. And now tables have turned she is freaked out by me because my anger was very evident

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Just be honest tell her you had suspicions for a while now about her and her ex boyfriend and that you felt you needed answers and since she wasn't giving you any answers you had to find out the answers on your own, more than likely she is going to turn this on you because you didn't trust her but then you counter that with, you have given me reasons not to trust you and now I see that my suspicions were right. Tell her you have the right to know if a person you plan to marry is honorable and loyal to you. Don't allow her to put the blame back on you, you did what you felt you need to do. Go to her and ask her about that night again and tell her that you want the truth about her whereabouts if she still says that she was with girlfriends then you tell her that you know for a fact that isn't true and then tell her that you drove by a place that you knew she frequented and tell her what you saw. She will do one of two things either apologize and explain the meeting or she will place the blame and then you just counter with what you want to say. The trust has already been broken on both sides so there is no going back there is only going forward and if you want this relationship to work you have to clear the air now.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Sorry one last thing. She had not given me any reason what so ever to not trust her until that day when she said to me (via text msg) that she couldn't meet up until after 8pm (origionally we were to meet at 7pm) When I asked her what she was going to be doing? She answered with what she was doing at that moment (going into the movies, how is your daughter doing?) She had just told me that Friday that he called her and wanted to meet up with her. But she also said she told him no because she was in love with me.

 

Here is how I was planning on telling her. " I have to tell you something and its eating me up inside. I lied to you, when I told you i went to Houlihans to have a drink, while waiting for you. I actually was going to Houston's to meet my cousin and I saw your car and his car parked in the parking lot of the mall by Rosa Mexicana (important cuz I asked where her and her girlfriends went she told me Rosa Mexicana. Please let me know what you think and this is my last reply. Thank you very much

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Yes that is a good way of telling her that you saw their cars just as long as you do not lie, now is the time to be completely honest with each other if you plan to have a future together then you both have to work this out now.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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