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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18511
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have a friend who has ADHD, and really has not accomplished

Resolved Question:

I have a friend who has ADHD, and really has not accomplished any thing in his 50yrs in life, he tries though but never secessful in anything, but hes a really nice guy, who will go out of his way to help his friends: Now I just found out he is dating my girl friend who has been in search of love for 4 yrs now....Considering this guy ADHD, what do I do....am afraid there might be trouble in Future.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi, and thanks for your question.

Does your girl friend (a friend that is a girl, right?) have any idea of the guy's ADHD condition, and has she been around him before, in group situations, or perhaps with you, just as friends, to notice any of his actions or be made aware of his condition?

If not, how long do you know your girl friend? What is her age?

Has she ever sought out your opinion re: any guys she's dated in the past?

Is she the type to accept constructive criticism, or get angry?

Thanks for all your additional detail.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

1. yes he told her about his condition. And he has been round me with her so many times

2. I have knows my girl friend for 7 yrs now. Shes 29

3. Yes she dated an abusive guy in the past when i was her close confidant

4. She will not get angry.

 

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello again, and thanks for your reply with additional information.

If she is aware of his condition and continues to date him, she'll have to find out for herself how he really is, and if it will work for them, together.

If you're close, and she will not get angry if you discuss this with her, bring it up casually, and ask how she likes dating your friend and if she has seen any evidence of his condition. I forgot to ask you if he takes medication for it, but if he does, then it should be under control when he's with her. Don't ask her too often, how it's going with him, but tell her that if she ever wants to talk, you're there for her, as you've always been. Tell her that in addition to having ADHD, you know that this man has not accomplished much or 'finished' much in his life, and you don't want to see her disappointed if the relationship should end up in the 'not finished' basket. Or something to that effect.

She's a mature adult, so she'll have to make her own judgment re: the guy. and her satisfaction with the relationship. You just be there, as her friend/confidante, as you've always been, and hopefully, things will turn out well for her.

If she was in an abusive relationship before, she's probably loving the attention, honesty, and simplicity of THIS relationship. I'm sure, even though your friend has ADHD and doesn't start what he finishes, he's a nice, down to earth guy, and I'll bet that's what attracted her. See how it goes, and if you suspect, in any way, she will be hurt, give her the heads up and tell her you want to make sure she is happy and not about to be disappointed.

I hope things go well for your friend!

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18511
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for your answer, he sure is a nice guy and has been my friend for 4yrs now, one thing i do notice is that he tries so many times to be sucessfull but it never works out, other than his excelent credit score (lol) he does not have anything to show for, but I guess shes willingto take the risk, I hope for her the best.....
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and you're most welcome; thanks very much for your reply and your accept.

I understand how you feel, and you're a good friend; you seem to understand him well, so try to encourage him to be more successful, and I also hope for the best for both of them.

Cher

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