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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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How to regain trust in your relationship

Customer Question

I'm looking for a letter I can send to my Ex Boyfriend, letting him no I am sorry for my mistakes and am ready to fully devote myself to him 100%
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. Before I give you my answer, it would help me to know:

 

-Why do you need to apologize? What happened?

 

-How long have you been together? Did you break up?

 

-What are your ages?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Why do you need to apologize? I cheated on him a a few times in the past 2 years and he's taken me back everytime. I'm currently 25 and see things in a totally different light. I really want to spend the rest of my life with this man, and now that I'm 110% ready to fully commit, he won't take me back.

 

What happened? The course of the past 2 years we were together I was young-minded and was club hopping and etc... just having fun. Not realizing I had man who really loved and cared about me. Now, I see that there's nothing out there for me. He won't take me back.

 

-How long have you been together? 2 1/2 years

 

Did you break up? Yes we broke up.

 

-What are your ages?We started dating when I was 23 and he was 32 I am now 25 and he is 35.

 

How can I prove/show him that I'm ready to be with him? I can't eat/sleep this situation is on my mind constantly...

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

Dear ____________,

 

I would like to start off this letter by telling you I hope all has been well in your life since we last talked or saw each other. I would also like to apologize for taking you for granted and not taking the relationship as seriously as I should have, (Then you list everything you felt you did wrong in the relationship, that is VERY important. If you can actually go into detail what you felt you did wrong in the relationship he will realize that you know what you needed to change and what made the relationship end). I don't know if it's too late for us to try again or get back on track but I want you to know I willing to do what I need to do to prove to you that I've changed and want this relationship more than anything. If you could ever find it in your heart to forgive everything that I've done. (Then go into detail what your relationship was like in your eyes the good times that you spend together this will make him think about what made him fall in love with you in the first place and make sure you go back to those things that made the relationship click).

 

If by chance you could forgive me and give me another chance I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I was worth that second chance. (Explain exactly how you feel about him and what about him made you fall in love with him and if you have broken up tell him these are the things you miss most about him and then name them). It has to be a heartfelt letter not a letter placing the blame but it's important to tell him the things you feel you did wrong in the relationship so that he knows that you realize your mistake and that is half of the battle of correcting those mistakes. The true problem is that he has heard this all before so now you must show him with actions he has to see that you have really changed and will take the relationship seriously and that may mean you only being friends at first and then after he has seen that you actually changed he will consider it more which means you may have to be alone for a little while so that he can see that you can be alone and be okay and not have to run to the arms of another man. The final paragraph is to reassure him that you value him in the relationship. Say how much he means to you in your own life. His guidance, his presence and his support are very important to you. End the letter by apologizing for the situation and that you need his love and understanding. If you like, end the letter by saying "I need you". This could make a very significant impact. The main objective of an apology love letter is to calm and soothe his possible hurt feelings and then get him to react to the letter through his own opinions and take on the relationship. You should avoid using an apology letter to explain everything.

 

An apology love letter is just the means of getting him to discuss what happened and possibly give you another chance. Ask him if you can be friends or can communicate from time to time so that he can truly see that you have changed for the better and have become a better person. Maybe even counseling would help you to prove to him that you are and were willing to do whatever it took to become that better person and not feel the need to sleep with other men to be happy. I've given you some tools to write the letter, sincerity is crucial for any apology. It should be personal (not something you've found written by someone else), your ex knows you and will be able to tell if it sounds like something that is coming from you. It should be hand written, never typed. If you want your him to listen to what you are saying, you need that personal touch of having your emotions flow through your own writing. Don't make excuses, or try to lay blame. Admit to the guilt. That you have done what you have done and you know that it was wrong and that you want to make things right again.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you XXXXX really appreciate your help and guidance with this matter. However, I have written him an apology, but he didn't fall for it. So thats why I reached out to you, b/c I needed something with that extra umph in it... To maybe ring a bell in his head.

 

Thanks Again!

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

If you've done everything I mentioned in my answer and still haven't gotten anywhere then it's more than likely that action is going to speak louder and prove to him that you really have learned from your mistake and want to be a better person not just for him but for yourself. You have to make sure that when you wrote the letter or tell him how you feel that you are alone and are not dating someone it's hard to take someone serious when they say they love you and want you back if they are dating someone else this will only prove to him that once a cheater always a cheater. I don't believe that saying I believe with self control and work that a cheater can be faithful and true to their mate, with that being said, I don't think a letter is going to help if he actually sees that you have change that will make the most difference. he probably thought in reading the letter that he has heard all of that before that is why it's very important to show him through action that you are worth another chance.

 

There aren't many more words to write to get him to listen he wants to see proof that it won't happen again and maybe he is too hurt to forgive right now and needs some time to get over the fact that you have hurt him over and over again. he has to see that you worked on yourself and not just did it to get him back. He doesn't have proof that it's not going to happen again he just has your word which may not mean much at this point to him that is why I said you may have to show him through your actions, which you should start with going to counseling to see why you did cheat and what was lacking in your life that pushed you to that point to be unfaithful several times during your relationship with him and then work on what it is you need to do to not allow yourself to give into temptations and have self control.

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