Are you still there?
This is very helpful Cher! I appreciate your obvious concern . I'm a little unclear on what you mean by this statement: "Just remember, she wants and needs to feel loved, attractive, and necessary to your life, so try to fulfill those essentials to get back to where you were, or at least, close to i." Maybe I'm just not reading it right.
Hi Cher. Can you tell what that means?
OK Thanks Cher, Here's our picture a couple a weeks ago
Thanks for all the inpuit Cher! You've been very helpful. I'd like to communicate with you in the future and let you know how things are going. I guess I pay you $15.00 next time I have a question?
Hi Cher. I appreciate your help on my relationship. Let's see to update.....not much has changed.... I turned 51 on March1st. She took me out with her friend to dinner the sat night before. I spent the night, we had sex on the couch after many beers, I spent the night on the couch as I've been accustomed to since her " love cool down phase." On Sunday, the next day, my birthday, got up at noon, we had coffee, chatted (her kids were at their fathers for the weekend). She was talking withn her daughter by phone and said, "I'm making dinner tonight. It's kenny's birthday, and I'll make him what ever he wants." I didn't to that point even know if she wanted me to stay all day Sunday at her house, or if I should go home and go about my business. the day was good....we went grocery shopping, made the dinner, and had a nice meal and evening afterwards. Pleasant, but not lovey-dovey.
I had not seen her for the 4 or 5 days before that. I wasn't sure she was even going to see me for my birthday. I texted her on Saturday afternoon 2/28/09 to see if she wanted to get a sandwich and drink at one of our local pubs. She did, and called her friend to join us for a birthday celebration for me. Her friend, unbeknownced to my girlfriend, has talked privately to me recently about my relationship with Trish. Our recent phone calls were made by me, wanting insight or advice on what I should do. Mary, Trish's friend, told me she had dinner with Trish a couple of days ago and discussed me a bit. Mary told Trish, "Trish, you must have real feelings for Kenny, or you wouldn't keep seeing him." Trish said i know, I know. Mary said "he loves you deeply, and he really cares a lot about your kids." Trish said i know, I know. Mary said "he won't stay in this kind of relationship forever - you run the risk of losing him." Trish said i know, i got to get it right, or she said i need to figure it out, or she said something to that effect. So I'm still in limbo. What I'm doing is a sort of "rope-a-dope." I'm trying to stay "in the game" until the warm weather comes (we met last July 3rd, and we started out in love doing warm weather activities) and maybe I can get her back mentally,emotionally to that time last summer. I feel if she gets back to being in love, saying i love you, texting she misses me, regaining our loving closeness, she won't slide back again. I think, and I may be wrong, that she will keep the wall down permanently with me if she she opens it up again.
Cher, I pray almost daily that her heart be reopened. I'm also a student of "The Secret." I don't know if you are familiar with "The Secret," or a believer in its teachings of the Law of Attraction. I'm trying to follow the teaching of what they call "the creative process." Ask, believe, receive. In this process, it seems that the critical component is to belive that you have it already. That you must believe, without doubt that you it's already yours. Do you subscribe to such a theory? And can the Law of Attraction work in this instance?
Also, I'm trying not to put all of my eggs in her basket, and leave open the possibility for total heartbreak again. I reopened my account on Match.com (Trish and I met online last year on Singlesnet). I met one lady for a drink, and I'm texting another now. I don't want to be with anyone else but Trish, so am i out of line here?
I look forward to your input. Thanks Cher!
Hi Cher. Well 2 months later..........We still see each other. She Called me late one night about 2 months ago and said that maybe she didn't give me (us) a fair shake (after we stopprd seeing each other for a few days), and that maybe we could go out on a date the next night and kinda start over. Things have been pretty good since then, but she still won't say she loves me, still keeps a distance, and the other night Cinco De Maio, we were up late, drinking. I wanted to broach the subject of just what we have. I said, "You don't love me and are we exclusive? Are we sexually exclusive? " She was getting uncomfortable. I was saying to her nicely, "No, honey, I just need to know where we stand." I asked her if she had any feelings for her last boyfriend ( who she works with and is one of 3 or 4 who swing by the casino together once in a while after work. She said no, she doesn't. She said she told me 6 months ago that her feelings changed for me. When i asked her what does that mean, i.e. you don't love me, but you want to keep seeing me, i don't get a clear answer. (Also, we, this week bought a house to rehab and sell together as a joint project. We also might get away for a few days). The 2 questions that I wanted to ask her, started to, but never got an answer (because she HATES talking about and around this topic!) are 1. Are you still seeing me, rehabbing a house with me, getting away for a few days with me in HOPES THAT YOU FIND YOUR WAY BACK TO ME? or, or you just having fun and/or trying to make money? and 2. If you say you're not in-love with me, but want an exclusive relationship, are you OPEN TO FINDING TRUE LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHEN WE ARE NOT TOGETHER?
Cher, I believe these are 2 important questions, that if I'm being logical, would have answers that would guide ME in what to do. What are your thoughts, please?
Sure, thanks Cher. One other thing.... Iinitiate almost 100% of alkl our contact. I text her first each day. she responds, but very rarely does she initiate it. We go out, but I'm always the one who asks for the date. My close friends have been suggesting "aloofness," or to "back off" for quite some time