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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21260
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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how do i deal with a manipulative friend that just causes me

Resolved Question:

how do i deal with a manipulative friend that just causes me so many negative thoughts and feelings? I made a decision to cut her out of my life but it,s not as easy as that because i feel so bad!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
HelloCustomer

A person who is manipulative is only trying to reinforce her own 'power', or power she THINKS she possesses. She thinks she's 'special' and is allowed to get other people to only do things HER way, because they 'need' her to tell them what to do and thinks her way is the best way. This can be very frustrating for you and I understand that you are a person who is sensitive to the needs and feelings of others and don't want to hurt any feelings, however, you need to learn to put YOU first. If someone exhibits behavior that causes you to feel badly, causes negative feelings, and make you feel out of control of a situation, or 'put upon', you have every right and owe it to yourself, to stop the behavior; your first obligation is to yourself and is not worry about how it will make the other person feel, if she's causing you to feel manipulated and negative.

You need to be strong and tell her outright that you don't want to do what she tells you to do or asks or expects you to do, and you can tell her (if you want this) that you will no longer be her friend because of the way she treats you, and you would appreciate it if she doesn't call you, contact you, etc., anymore. If you find yourself in a work or social situation where you're both present, together, like if you share a group of mutual friends, etc., you don't have to socialize with her, just steer clear. If she speaks to you, just say hello, and walk away. If she follows you and persists in beginning a discussion, tell her that you can't talk to her now, and walk away, then begin speaking to someone else in the room.

I think you're strong enough to accomplish this, and once you make the break completely, you'll feel much better, less stressed, and more relieved.

I wish you much good luck and hope all works out well for you! Please let me know how things go.

Cher
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thanks for your reply Cher, i didn't read that till just now. I did get a reply from someone else and i did pay money. So please don't think i am trying to exploit what you do for a living. Your reply was truly insightful and 'spot on'. i will never look back, i have walked away from this 'friend' and although i am still in the throws of living with my actions, I KNOW i am doing the right thing. God! wish i could help her.....but will never be able to, niether will anyone else.
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply.

I understand, if you received another answer, I would not want you to pay twice. I'm glad to hear that my answer was helpful, and yes, you ARE doing the right thing. I know you want to help her see how what she's doing is alienating friends, but some people just can't be helped; they have to realize things on their own.

Stay strong, and good luck!

Cher