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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18962
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My bf and I have been together for 4 yrs. The past 2 yrs, a

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My bf and I have been together for 4 yrs. The past 2 yrs, a female friend of his asked him to take her to her sorority formal--a formal dance kind of like prom. The 1st year, when he asked me if it was alright, I said sure. I trust him. I know nothing happened. The second year, he agreed without asking me first, and didn't tell me about his plans until several weeks after he had actually made them. The thing is, she asked him to take her to this dance b/c "she has no male friends" (I KNOW she does). She asked him several months in advance of the dance. I have met this girl a few times, and have gotten the impression that she has feelings for my bf. She has given him gifts (in front of me) among other things. He sees nothing wrong with going to a formal dance with another girl while blowing me off for the night. When I told him it hurt me, he apologized and promised he would make it up to me in some big way. It's been about 6 months and he has completely forgotten. Should I let it go?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi,

How long does your bf know this girl? Would you say they're really good friends? Do you know if she has ever dated other men, during the times she asked him to take her to the dances?

Has it been about 6 months since he took her to this last dance?

Do you know if he communicates with her on a steady basis and not in front of you?

Do you live together?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I know that he has known her for a few years--I would say 3. He says they are really good friends. I know that she never dated other men during the times she asked him to take her. But I do know that she has a few single guy friends who she could have asked (although I don't know how close she is to them). She was completely aware at the times of making these requests that he was dating me, so she can't claim ignorance on either one. I know he sees her on a near-daily basis at school (we live in the same town but attend different universities), not in front of me. Although he does frequently communicate with her through the social networking site facebook. We do not live together, but we each live at on campus at our respective universities.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with additional and helpful information, so I can understand your situation a little better.

I understand how you feel, and you're completely within your rights to feel this way. You said that you trust him, and and I'm sure that he loves you and is true to you, since you've been together for so many years, which is a great accomplishment. I do think you're right to suspect that she may have an interest in your bf, and her actions bear watching.

If this last dance he took her to, was 6 months ago, and he forgot to 'make it up to you', I think you're right to just let it go. If you bring it up, it will cause bad feelings and you don't want that to happen, so I'd let it be for now, but, if the opportunity ever presents itself, you can bring up the fact that he promised to make it up to you in a 'big' way, and he can do it now (at the time the opportunity arises). For example, if you've wanted to go to a concert or other event for a while and he kept saying he really didn't want to, or didn't have the time, you say, well, this is the way you can make it up to me, like you promised! And LAUGH! He might think you mean it as a joke, or you're serious, and he could surprise you with tickets, etc., or, at least it will put it back in his mind.

I would not allow him to take her to any kind of function in the future, if this should happen again, and tell him it's not appropriate for him to take another girl to a dance or whatever, while he's involved in a relationship. Tell him it's 'disrespectful' to you, for him to do this. Only bring this up if she asks him to take her somewhere again, otherwise, don't start a fight.

She bears watching, and it might be a good idea to set her up with some single male friends you know; if she's with a boyfriend, she's less likely to go after yours!

I hope things work out well for you.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18962
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor