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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18957
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My fiancee and I are in an arguement right now. Yesterday was

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My fiancee and I are in an arguement right now. Yesterday was Valentines day and it went terribly wrong. He has been tired all week and we have not been spending any quality time together. He'll just come home and go to sleep. I feel neglected. He does give me a lot of attention, but this week has been different. Anyway, we argued yeterday, made up, exchanged Valentine's candy and cards, ageed to celebrate Valentine's day today instead{we'll have more time together}. He went to sleep. A few minutes later I find myself bawling. He didn't even make love to me on Valentines day like he promised!! He continued to try and sleep through my tears and i said that he should go. I thought at that point he would want to talk things through. No such luck, he left and today is the day after Valentines day, and we still haven't talked. Obviously, we never celebrated V-day today. His phone is off. He hasn't called me, and Im soo hurt. We should've talked this thing through by now. What gives?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi,

What are your ages?

How long have you been seeing each other?

Do you usually live together, but still maintain separate homes?

How does he usually react to your tears, if you've cried in front of him before?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm 35 & he's 33. Oh my goodness, he's seen me cry countless times. He's usually very sweet to me when I cry. All apoligies & wanting me to be happy. We've been together for over 3 years. He has a house. I have an apartment. We stay in my apt cuz we're making a mother-in law suite in the house{It's foregoing construction& wont move in until moms suite is done. Privacy reasons.}.We have not spent a night apart like this in a long time. Cannot remember the last time. Usually we would've talked hurt feelings through. Im scared and hurt and cannot believe he will not talk to me. Crying on and off all day. Doesnt he miss me? Is he not concerned? Im Freaking out.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply.

You mentioned that he was very stressed out, tired, and you hadn't been spending quality time together this past week. He probably had a lot on his mind re: work, the construction on the house, and countless other things, and didn't mean to purposely hurt your feelings. I do believe he cares a lot about you, or you wouldn't have stayed together successfully, for so long.

Because he usually responds positively to your crying, when you're upset, some men just become tired of it and think it's a way for you to manipulate them into doing something you want. I'm not saying that's how he feels, I'm just speaking from experience, and saying this *might* be what happened.

After all, YOU told HIM to leave, and he did! This shocked you, because you thought he'd stay to talk things out, as he has in the past. He might have just felt, this is the last straw, piled on a week's worth of tensions, and he couldn't handle it at this time. He needed a breather.

I understand how you feel, completely, but keep this in mind: yes, it was Valentine's Day, and you expected a certain scenario which didn't happen, and you were disappointed, but you made up to make Valentine's Day today, then you cried because you were disappointed that he went straight to sleep. I understand you feeling neglected, and rightfully so, but I think at this particular point, you need to talk to him and let him know what made you so upset, then let HIM do the talking (ask him questions, if he's not forthcoming) and find out what's been bothering HIM all week. Once he 'unloads', he'll feel better and you can still celebrate Valentine's Day on any day you choose.

If his phone is off, leave a voice mail just saying you were concerned about him, since you haven't spoken all day, you miss him and love him, and ask him to call you. You can also email, and say the same thing.

Once you're able to see each other face to face and can discuss what made you each unhappy, you can move on.

I wish you much good luck!

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you. It all seems logical, but when ure in a relationship & your feelings are hurt are "taking breathers" really good? It seems to prolong getting past things sooner. U could just get it out on the table then & move on. But, he seemed like he just didn't feel like dealing with it. Am I really that much of a pain in the ass? I guess so.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
You're most welcome.

I agree with you completely; taking a breather, after an argument, does just put off the inevitable, which is talking it out and making it better.

You're not a pain in the ass, he was just very stressed out and couldn't deal with the situation. He will most likely throw this back at you, but don't forget that you were angry and did tell him to leave, so he left. Tensions were very high, you were/are miserable and he felt he couldn't deal with it. Maybe it's better that he didn't stay, as he and/or both of you might have said things in the heat of the moment you would later regret.

Continue to try to reach him and leave a message, as I suggested, and if your relationship is strong, which I suspect it is, you'll talk things out and get over this hurdle. The path of true love is never smooth, but the key to knowing how to deal with the 'bumps' along the way, is invaluable. There will always be disagreements, and sometimes you can agree to disagree just to not continue the argument; sometimes one person won't admit he/she is wrong, when it seems so CLEAR to the other person, from their point of view. He's your fiancé, you've agreed to marry him, and there's a lot of love between you. You will find a way to resolve this if you both give in a little. Don't 'stand on ceremony' because he didn't call you and his phone was off; try to get in touch with him to say what you want to say and hear him out, too.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18957
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
You are AWESOME, Cher. Thank you for the excellent advice.Laughing Im feeling better, and I will refer back to your if feeling sad again. Thank you for your time.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
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Cher
Cher
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Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor