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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Im a serious, competitive ballroom dancer, who spends lots

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I'm a serious, competitive ballroom dancer, who spends lots of time in the sport and with my partner. So having a good/enjoyable relationship (not necessarily romantic) with my partner is very important. My current partner is a truly nice person, however, quite distant to me. I tried my best to reach out and connect with her, but it's exhausting after awhile to be the only one making an effort with fragile results. On one hand I know I'd enjoy it so much more if we had better chemistry, but on the other hand it gets tiring, sometimes even makes me feel bad about myself. What are the chances she'd eventually open up to me - should I keep trying or realistically would I be happier if I just give up, so at least I'm not wasting/hurting my emotions? It's worth noting that I'm usually very socially developed, well liked, considered attractive and get along with many types. I've been trying in different ways to connect with her for months now. I'm in my 20's and she's younger. Thanks =)!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long have you been dancing together?

 

-Have you asked her to do things outside of dancing?


-Do you dance well together?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks very much for the reply... here are to answer your questions...
- I'm 26 and she's 19 (I do take into account age difference when approaching her).
- We've been dancing togehter for 6 months.
- I used to asker her to do things outside of dancing, mostly with other people including our coaches (not awkward situation is what I'm trying to say). She did pick up one offer and actually had a great time. But overall she's not too interested and I respected that too.
- We dance well together when she's excited about it. That's actually the whole issue, that when there are stimuluses (good competitions, compliments that we look good, or me reaching out and being nice to her) she could be a warm and fun partner for a little while. But otherwise and more often that not there's no energy from her (not physical energy but in terms of personal interactions), and/or she gets frustrated easily when things don't go perfect. That's what I meant by "exhausting", it feels as if I couldn't just sit back and still enjoy some mutual energy back, a give and take sort of relationship if you will.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Yes it could be the age difference and also the gender difference. Try to include her in more things that don't make her feel awkward, when she doesn't do well encourage her, try to be a big brother so to speak to her someone she can confide in and trust in she may be going through something separate from dancing and the only way to find that out is to gain her trust. Ask her how she feels about being your partner and dancing with you. Dancing together and competing together is almost like being in a relationship or marriage everything is 50/50 and there sometimes has to be a compromise in order to have a healthy relationship and communication is the key maybe she feels that you do not communicate with her enough. Ask her about her family and her life outside of dancing open up a dialog with her so that she knows you see her as a person and not just a partner.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you... I feel bad keep going back and forth I know your time is valuable, however the response sort of missed my question.

I appreciate the suggestions but I was not wondering "how" to reach out to her, but "if" I should keep trying. Because I've already done everything you've suggested and much more - usually I'm pretty good at connecting and gaining trust with people. It's her who doesn't reach out back. So my question is, is it worth keep trying, or in your experience if she hasn't responded so far that means more efforts aren't really gonna help or even make it worse, might as well save it?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I believe it may be worth it you never know she could be a really good firend you just have to break through her shell and break down those walls. If she hasn't been mean to you then there is hope just give it more time and patience.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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