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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18647
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My husband is having an emotional affair over the phone with

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My husband is having an emotional affair over the phone with a patient of his. It's been going on for a few months, I just found out yesterday when checking the cell phone bill. I felt things weren't right for the last few months. He confessed and promises to end the relationship and not keep seeing her as a patient. I'm exhausted over talking to him and not sleeping, I've given him the next 7 months to figure out if he wants to stay with me. Our 19 yr anniv. is coming up in April.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

What kind of doctor is your husband?

Has this emotional affair only been over the phone, and does he say nothing physical has ever happened?

Do you know if he has told her the affair is over, yet?

Thanks for all your additional detail about your situation.

Cher

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

He is a Prosthetist, he has fitted her since she was 13 now she is 35 yrs old, married and a mother of a nine yr old. She started seeing him again for adjustments 3-4 mos ago. He says that it has been over the phone only and the few times she has come to his office it's been professional, he told her that it was over after i confronted him but I also called her and told to stop calling him, that all was ysterday. I also asked him to make sure she sees another practitioner in the future and I will check to make sure that she does or I will find out how to contact her husband and bring this affair to his attention. My husband agreed to all of it and says he wants to stay with me. He is 57 yrs old. So he enjoyed a little attention...not at my cost! He complained 3 - 4 mos ago about everything I did, I couldn't give him enough sex and I didn't cook enough for him

so I knew something was up with his libido...oh that's also when he told me that he felt horny all the time! TA DA!

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

He is a Prosthetist, he has fitted her since she was 13 now she is 35 yrs old, married and a mother of a nine yr old. She started seeing him again for adjustments 3-4 mos ago. He says that it has been over the phone only and the few times she has come to his office it's been professional, he told her that it was over after i confronted him but I also called her and told to stop calling him, that all was ysterday. I also asked him to make sure she sees another practitioner in the future and I will check to make sure that she does or I will find out how to contact her husband and bring this affair to his attention. My husband agreed to all of it and says he wants to stay with me. He is 57 yrs old. So he enjoyed a little attention...not at my cost! He complained 3 - 4 mos ago about everything I did, I couldn't give him enough sex and I didn't cook enough for him

so I knew something was up with his libido...oh that's also when he told me that he felt horny all the time! TA DA!

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again and thanks very much for your reply with additional information.

This was an unfortunate incident, but I think you've handled it very well, even though you're extremely upset. When he began complaining about everything you did, about 3-4 months ago, he was trying to pick fights on purpose, and make YOU feel inadequate, when it was HE who was feeling guilty about what he was doing over the phone with this woman, due to his own feelings of inadequacy.

I'm in no way absolving him of this gross indiscretion, but it's not uncommon for men of this age to start worrying about their age and desirability.

I think it was very decent of you to give him 7 months to figure out if he wants to remain in the marriage. Do you think he will never do this again, and he can be trusted? If this is the first time he's ever done anything like this, and seemed truly contrite, I think he was (is) going through a tough time, as I mentioned, doubting himself, and taking out his feelings of inadequacy on the one closest to him emotionally and physically--you.

It would be a good idea for him to start seeing a therapist to work out some things that are plaguing him, and after he's had a few private sessions, you can join him for marriage counseling, to see where your relationship is at, now, and to work toward making it better, if this is what you both want.

I realize this is going to be something that's difficult to get over, but I do think you're coping pretty well (even though you're fuming and have been hurt), right now, and have taken all the appropriate steps to make the phone affair end. If you've been together for almost 19 years, remember what made you fall in love with him in the first place, and if this relationship can go another 19 (hopefully more) years.

I wish you much good luck and hope things work out the way you want them to.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18647
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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