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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18738
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I recently got out a 9 month relationship. It was rough even

Resolved Question:

I recently got out a 9 month relationship. It was rough even tho I was the man in the relationship I was talked down to constantly to the point where I could not take it anymore. It hurt me so much but after trying twice already I finally breaked it off and have been away for a month now. Since then I have been getting numbers left and right from beautiful women but for some reason I cannot muster up confidence to call and ignite a relationship. Recently now I have been having these sexual urges for a beautiful woman, so to calm these urges I recently opened an account at an adult webcam service, and now seem to be addicted to comments from both sexes. I feel as tho I am loosing myself, please help me with this one. I feel as tho there is somthing I am not seeing.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello, and thanks for asking your question on Just Answer.

It would help me to answer your question, if you could provide some additional details, first. I thank you in advance.

What is your age?

When you say you've 'been away for a month now', do you mean you've had no contact with the woman you broke up with?

What qualities initially attracted you to this woman and made you want to pursue and stay in the relationship for 9 months?

Have you dated at all, since the break-up?

When you say you seem to be addicted to comments from both sexes on this adult webcam service, upon what are these comments based? Is it just conversation, or are you showing your body and they are showing their bodies on the webcam site? Are the comments positive and complimentary to you?

How do you feel about these comments from both men and women?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I am 23 years old

I have had no contact with her for a month now.

She was very atractive and we had lots in common. We grew up more or less the same. I was trying to establish a deep mental relationship with her but was shot down and belittled time after time until it hurt.

Since the broke up I have not dated, even tho I have had many oportunities, for some reason I just cant bring myself to even return the phone call.

On the webcam service, yes I am showing my body and the comments are positive and complimentary, but somehow I feel that this is wrong and it is not the me I knew a month ago. I am getting scared because its getting hard to resist.

 

Thankyou for your time

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello again,Customer and thanks for your reply with additional and helpful information.

I'm very glad that you're realizing that the webcam website is hard to resist, and if you continue, you're going to be spending more money and still not have a satisfying relationship with a woman. This is what websites of that nature depend on; it becomes almost addicting, and the compliments you're receiving boost your ego, which was put down in your relationship, so you like going back there to feel good about yourself being appreciated. However, you mentioned that somehow you feel it is wrong and it's not the 'real' you, and you're correct. It's a substitute for the real thing, and you only turned to this because you were upset by the break up and lonely. You can turn this around.

Even though the woman with whom you were in the 9 month relationship shared many common interests and upbringing, etc., she belittled you and brought you down in order to make HERSELF feel more important. She was most likely insecure and this is how she helped to make herself feel 'powerful'. It was a terrible way to treat you and it's not uncommon behavior in a person who has little confidence in herself. From the outside, she appeared attractive and confident, but inside, she possessed neither of these attributes, and her true colors came through when she treated you shabbily. There was no excuse for that and you deserve better.

Don't allow what happened, to shatter your self-confidence. You have a lot to offer a woman, and you will rediscover that, once you allow yourself to begin dating again. Because you said you had many offers and opportunities to do this, you have to decide when the time is right, and you will enjoy spending quality time with an attractive and intelligent woman, in person, rather than with strangers on a webcam site.

Gather your courage and make that phone call to one of the women who has shown an interest in you. It's just a date; keep it casual, get to know each other and let things proceed naturally. Don't look for what you had with your ex, at the beginning of your relationship, when things were good, because you won't find it; you'll meet new people who appreciate you for yourself, and you're starting over. There is a woman who's right for you, out there, and you won't find her unless and until you convince yourself to start dating again.

Try to take that first and most difficult step, soon, and little by little, you'll start feeling more confident and in control of your own happiness, again. Try not to go back to the webcam site. It served a purpose when you needed it, but now, it's outlived it's usefulness.

I hope you start dating again, as soon as you feel ready, and you meet a wonderful woman who will treat you as you deserve!

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18738
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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