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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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i have a girl and she is 16 and she was basically born in a

Customer Question

i have a girl and she is 16 and she was basically born in a church and we been going out for 1 year and 4 months but sneaking around to everyone we are best friends but we both really love each other but she is scared to tell her mom since we been going out for so long and her mom has asked her if she goes out with me and she had told her no so she would be lying her her moms face..i really dont want her to be lying and i want to have her moms approval to be with her..
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What is your age?


-Do you think her mother wouldn't approve of you?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
im 18 and idk like her mom is really smart she says that her daughter brain isnt fully developed and she will make wrong choices and also she would want me to be of the same religion but i mean im getting attached to that church i go at times and i like it...i guess they think she will lose focus in school and etc but i mean we are both happy together we just like always have to be on the look out if some one sees us together.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.



I think that her parents will not only have a problem with the two of you sneaking around they may also have a problem with the fact that you are 18 years old and their daughter is only 16 years old, you are probably her first real relationship and she may be confused and thinks that she loves you but doesn't know anything so make sure that her feelings are true. What you have to worry about is the parents getting angry that you were sneaking around with their daughter for over a year without telling them. Some people that are in church feel that the man has the responsibility to introduce himself to the family and not feel the need to sneak around. Depending on whether her parents will be okay with you being so much older and not pressing charges, that plays a big part in whether you should tell them you are dating, make sure that you won't end up in jail because of caring for their daughter.


If you do decide to tell her parents then do the noble thing and go with her as a united front but allow her to tell her parent without interruption only talk when you feel it is needed or they ask you a question, try to be respectable as possible to them it may ease the hurt and pain of knowing that you were hiding your relationship or try not telling them how long you had been dating only if asked do you divulge that information. This is going to be a very crucial situation and you have to handle as that and try not to make a mistake of talking for your girlfriend or they will think that you are controlling her.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
no i just turned 18 and she is about to be 17 we have like one year different im a 12th grader and she is a 11 grader it has nothing to do with age i asure you that its just like they think she is not ready and she is scared of not telling them cause she would get in trouble and never see me again
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.



If you feel they won't have a problem with your ages then I would try this approach go to her parents and asked them what they would think about the two of you dating and if they refuse you will know that now is not the time to tell them you are indeed dating. It's up to your girlfriend to prove to her parents that she is mature enough to date through actions and behavior. You should stand on the sidelines for now and allow your girlfriend to be in control of the situation so that her parents don't think you are controlling her or brainwashing her. You don't want to be seen as a threat to their relationship with their daughter. You may need to give it some more time if you asked them and they do not agree with the relationship.

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