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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Hello Experts hope you can help me from my pain. I made the

Resolved Question:

Hello Experts hope you can help me from my pain. I made the biggest mistake of my life and hurt the man that loves me and who had plans to be with me. I met him through a friend and immediately he wanted to take me out and we started talking and dating. I have never been that close with a man in my life and I am in my 30's and so he is. We both are professionals after dating for few months he had to move to another State to continue with his education and we were communicating every day by phone. I had made many negative comments not about him but about a group of people that he belongs to. He admitted the first time he met me that he was different than those people. (People from our country but who grew up in another country). But as we were talking over the phone I was going through a lot in mind and argued with him and made unnecessary comments that hurt him. He asked to appologize and I refused and he continued to call me for about few weeks and he broke it off. I WANT HIM
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long did you date?

 

-Did he say why he broke up with you or was it a combination of everything?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am 35 and he is 39. We dated just for 6 months and and we spent every minute together on our day offs. Then he had to move to another state and he called me every day and text me how much he loved me. And we had an argument over the phone and he asked me to apologize for the things I said. I told him there is nothing to apologize and told him what I felt about the people and that I always felt the same way and there is nothing that is going to change. He said to me not all are the same but I was stuck to what I said. I was stuborn about it. From that day on he stopped telling me that he loves me and I didn't worry about it because I knew he was busy and didn't take it seriously. Then he started calling every other day and after he did it for the second time I asked him if there was somthing he needs to tell me. He said he didn't like what I said to him. And that he was hurt. He said I was ashamed of him. I never said that but it may have sounded like that. I tried to explain but he said he can't and he has moved on. He said he loves me but he said sometimes you let go those people u love. I love him so much and never loved any one the way I loved him. It has been 4 months the first few weeks after he broke up with me he was calling me and talked to me twice for hours. He called me New Year's eve to wish me happy New Year and called him back and left a message and he called me right back again and we talked for 40min but pretty much he talked about new work. I am crying every day and my friend came from Europe to visit me and decided to go to NY where he is at and he didn't reply to our calls. It hurts so bad.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

 

Customer

 

We all say things we don't mean to say when we are fed up or angry and though you may have said your true feelings it may have been the way you worded it that hurt him the most and he may have wanted an apology for the hurtful things you may have said about him I don't think he wanted you to apologize for his friends just the things you said about him because he may feel that you don't hurt the people you love. He was hurt because he felt you were dismissing the things and people that were important to him and judging him through them. Maybe you should be the bigger person and apologize sometimes in relationship we have to apologize for the things we said or did in angry even when we feel or know we are right. It's part of compromising in a relationship or marriage. What are you are going to have to do is call or write him and apologize for being so critical of him this way you aren't apologizing for being truthful just the way you said it to him and tell him that you didn't mean to hurt him the way that you did and would never hurt him on purpose. Tell him you were being bull headed and stubborn at the time and didn't want to give in, if he sees that you realize your part in the break up he may be more willing to talk things out, now he is being stubborn because he wants an apology and you weren't willing to give it to him.

 

The fact that you want him back you may need to accept him for who he is and whom he associates with. He may not like all of your friends but may be willing to accept them because they were your friends before he came along and who is he to want to change all of your friends maybe you should see him like that also. Also even though it may not be simple to do, do not act desperate. Try not talking to your ex and give him some time after you apologize so that he can think. It is best not to look and act desperate, instead of getting your ex back, you might just end up chasing them further away from you. The easiest way to get him back is to find out what qualities you have that drove them away in the first place. Find out what it was that you did wrong and don't find excuses for your actions. You have to plainly let down your mask and sort yourself out so that you don't make the same mistake twice. Sometimes we have to accept a person we love and all of their flaws in order to have a happy and healthy relationship.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I did apologize after the damage was already done but he would not come back. I refused to apologize when we argued over the phone but after he broke up with me I did apologize.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

 

Customer

 

Try to reach out yet a few more times to him and hope he will answer your call. Yes it can be frustrating but don't give up; it may make you think there is no hope especially when you are the one who's making the attempts to reach out. Once you reach this stage stop making calls and take a long break. Then perhaps your ex will start thinking that you are no longer pining for him and he will start calling you before you break free completely. Things may appear quite hopeless right now but wait for this to come from him that he is done. Maybe your ex is just adamant and will not give in easily. Do not give up hope, call him on the phone and if you can't get through leave a message telling him how much you miss him. Everybody argues and fights at some stage of their relationship; a quarrel is no reason to break up a relationship. True love will always stand the test of time. After hearing your message and if he truly loved you he will respond. If he does not then you may need to give him more time or possibly decided if you are willing to wait and continue to try to get him back. He broke up with you because he was fed up and felt you didn't care about his feelings or what he wanted and he is hurt right now. What you are going to have to do is prove to him that you have his best interest at heart before he will consider taking you back or communicating with you.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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